Chapter 119

My daily life seemed stable, but the world was shaking noisily. Recently, an unusually high number of events seemed to be occurring in this country.

Each one wasn’t particularly special, just the usual kinds of incidents that always happen. However, at this point, events were happening at the rate of one every other day.

As a result, stories about me seemed to have quieted down quite a bit. This was fortunate for me, but that doesn’t mean I should be happy about others’ misfortunes.

…Then I came across the news about a man who was falsely accused of a sexual crime but had finally proved his innocence. The content itself was nothing special—it was a common story in this country.

However, given the current timing, it was unavoidable for such stories to be mentioned together.

Lee Cheon.

Could it be that he was also falsely accused? Such discussions weren’t entirely incomprehensible.

Publicly, Lee Cheon certainly maintained a clean image and had never caused any scandals until now. To people who didn’t know him, it would indeed seem difficult to understand how an accusation of sexual misconduct could suddenly arise against someone like that.

Above all, he died in an accident just before the trial.

It had become a situation of no prosecution.

In other words, he died before being judged as a criminal.

As the victim, I, along with Lee Cheon’s daughter, Lee Seon-a, could be certain of that, but others could not. That’s why such discussions were understandable.

In fact, there were not a few people who were wrongfully accused. The person mentioned in this news had claimed to have proved their innocence after years of legal battles against being unfairly labeled a criminal.

However, by then, he had lost everything, and his life was ruined. Such things should not happen, but unfortunately, it wasn’t just one or two instances.

Now, I admitted that the source of my thoughts and emotions was born out of a deeply personal hatred.

However, that hatred was nurtured by such absurdities and irrationalities.

I hadn’t sought it out intentionally, but it seemed that Lee Seon-a’s side had disclosed several pieces of evidence to the public. Most people would understand that once they saw it. Yet, because there were no proper results, ultimately, someone had to raise questions.

I understood.

I could understand.

I was understanding.

Still, I couldn’t help but feel anger.

There’s a saying, “feel free,” but paradoxically, the human heart is never something that can be freely controlled. I resented the fact that my emotions were not under my control.

There were definitely certain people I was meant to hate. Those who actually committed the crime and those who falsely accused the innocent.

Yet, rational thinking was difficult.

Even though I knew it wasn’t wrong for them to question things, I felt anger toward those who spoke as if Lee Cheon were innocent. And in expressing such anger, I felt very pathetic.

Even that pathetic feeling had become something I was accustomed to, bringing a wry smile to my face.

I was no different from a child. “Please hate this person I hate too,” that was the level I was at. I was sorry for being so pathetic. Please forgive me with just one sigh.

In my heart, I left a small consolation for those who were wrongfully accused. That was about all I could do.

After calming my heart, I closed the screen and stood up. I didn’t want to hurt any longer. I smacked my cheeks to regain my senses while loosening my tightly drawn face. They would be coming soon, and I couldn’t be like this.

When I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, I saw my slightly reddened cheeks.

~

I had listened to lectures on storytelling and plot until I felt like my ears would bleed, but ultimately, there was only one thing I could ask. Starting from poetics,

“Who am I?”

So, who am I?

“Eros.”

…Did I really have to say that here?

“Don’t look away. Don’t deny it. I mean, sexual metaphors have been consistent in your stories, right?”

“…You know well that what appeared in my stories hasn’t concentrated on such primal pleasures.”

“Anyway, you know everything. The very perception that humans consider sex to be sacred or dirty is wrong. It’s a curse. At that moment when Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, it’s the story of how they felt ashamed of their naked bodies. Before eating the fruit, we were pure. Like children. There is no baby that feels shame about being naked. We only learn that perception through civilization and society as we grow.”

“…Even tribes living in Africa or the Amazon jungle wear at least something.”

“It’s inevitable to cover up genitals because they are important for reproduction from an evolutionary standpoint. It’s for survival. Human skin is delicate, and wearing clothes to protect it is a natural evolution. It’s also possible that viewing nudity as shameful arose because it proved advantageous for survival.”

“Can you just stick to either religion or science?”

“Anyway, Eros is important. Agape? Of course, that’s important too. But the two are neither opposing concepts nor can they be separated. Both are things that must never be lost. So, the conclusion of what I’m saying is this.”

Who am I?

“Where do I come from, and where am I going? That’s not important. Honestly, it’s a cliché. We come from the cradle and go to the grave. That’s enough. The real question is, who do I come to, and who do I go to? That is the most important thing.”

“…While talking about the plot, do we really need to delve into that kind of topic?”

The subject I was discussing was never about sensuality.

“Well, who am I? It’s important, too. Especially for youths during their stormy adolescent years.”

“I’m older than you.”

“Hm….”

“Don’t let your words slip.”

“Let’s gather it back up, then.”

My first tutoring session with Seo Eun-a—though I don’t know if I could call it tutoring—was like this.

I had this tendency before, but when I met Seo Eun-a again, she felt a bit looser.

“I can’t help it. The CSAT is over.”

“Yeah, must be nice.”

Initially, when Seo Eun-a asked for tutoring, I thought she was asking for help in preparing for the practical exam for the Department of Creative Writing. But as soon as I brought up that topic with Seo Eun-a, who had come to my house, she quickly denied it and said:

“I’m not going to do the practical. I quit.”

“What? Why?”

“I don’t need to since I’ll get a free pass to university. I told you from the beginning that it seemed difficult for me.”

“How well did you do on the CSAT?”

“Think of it as I’ve secured a college free pass. The results aren’t out yet, but that’s my estimated score.”

…Someone I know messed up the CSAT because they were sick that day, but fortunately, it seemed Eun-a hadn’t. However, thinking of Im Mi-ra’s gloomy face made me feel uneasy, but I shouldn’t let it show to Seo Eun-a.

“Professor Seo, what did your father say?”

“He told me that given my estimated score, I could just quit.”

…Is that reasonable? But then why tutoring?

“Who else can I talk to about this? It’s a secret, you know?”

So that’s why.

Still, I felt foolish for having prepared for the tutoring session. I pushed aside the things I had prepared for the practical exam and pulled out other topics. After all, it was about stories. There was plenty I could discuss with a high school student whose head wasn’t even dry yet.

The result of my thoughts became the current situation.

“Who do I come to, and who do I go to? If I rephrase it, who am I born to, and who do I cuddle with? Easy, right? So in the end, yes, that’s it.”

Sex.

“…It seemed like you had some shame regarding this before.”

“I’m now an adult since I have my ID card.”

“You’re not legally an adult yet.”

“Let’s set aside trivial matters. Are you a T?”

“I’m half and half.”

“Gray person.”

I wanted to punch her. Seriously. But with Seo Eun-a, I felt that the moment I tried to punch her, she would hit me back just the same, so I held back.

“Actually, I’m still a bit embarrassed, but since your face is so red right now, it’s bearable.”

“Who?”

“Would you like to see a mirror?”

…Girls always seem to carry hand mirrors. I didn’t want to know this way that Eun-a was the same.

“Put it away.”

“I’m more curious. You don’t act like a child, but you’re still a virgin. Oh, being a virgin is true, right? You’re not lying?”

“Crazy girl.”

“Are you really not? That’s a bit….”

At that moment, I flinched at the frightening expression Eun-a was making and waved my hands defensively. I pushed Eun-a away and shouted out in panic.

“I’ve never done it, even as a guy!”

“Wow, incredible. A natural monument.”

At that remark, I grabbed my head. Why did I feel like I needed to stop her mouth right now?

“You’re completely pure. Perfectly innocent….”

“What nonsense are you talking about?”

Eun-a mumbled something incomprehensible, and it looked a bit frightening.

“I told you I first watched it when I was in middle school…um, remember?”

“…I guess so.”

“And you’ve seen my stories.”

“…That’s right.”

“Where do you think I learned?”

…Ah.

“Are you a pervert?”

“Uh, sorry, but these days, kids probably watch things at that level. Just because they’re girls doesn’t mean they don’t have sexual desires.”

“…Liar.”

“I’m telling the truth. Surprisingly, the things girls watch can be pretty intense too. Sure, I watch guys’ stuff as well.”

Looking at her with a stunned expression, she then seemed to feel a little embarrassed and explained with a small voice.

“…It was for studying.”

“Pervert.”

“You’re the natural monument here. How did you even have a face as handsome as yours?”

“Be quiet.”

“Anyway, purity is important. This is instinct.”

“Did you take something after the CSAT or what?”

That was honestly half a serious question. Before, to be honest, although I had been a bit looser than my first impression from midway, it hadn’t been to this degree for sure.

“I guess I’m just in a good mood and a bit high. If scores come out like that, anyone would be like this, right?”

“How well did you do?”

“I probably missed one question?”

…No wonder she’s in a good mood.

“…That makes sense. Where did you miss?”

This really didn’t have any significant meaning. It was just a polite question I asked without much thought. However, the moment I asked, Eun-a, who had been confident, suddenly turned her gaze away. Just as I questioned her change in attitude, Eun-a replied in a small voice. And as soon as I heard it, I realized why she was acting that way.

“The Korean language section….”

Aha.

“I got a perfect score in the Korean language section too.”

“It was a mistake.”

“A writer happened to get a question wrong in the Korean language section….”

“It was a mistake, I told you.”

“Don’t you think you need a bit more studying?”

“It was a mistake!”

Oh, did I pry too much? Eun-a’s expression had truly hardened.

Still, reflecting on what Eun-a had said to me before, it felt like we were even. You should experience it yourself.

“…The atmosphere has changed a lot.”

However, the words that came from Eun-a’s mouth felt out of place. I, who had anticipated a counterattack, was a bit taken aback and fell silent.

“It’s not a strange thing. I just thought you seemed a little brighter, and I was relieved.”

“Is that so?”

“Maybe.”