Chapter 108

This was my world. Just me, my own world.

It was an island adrift on a dark and cold sea. I sat on the beach and looked up at the sky. I didn’t draw an SOS signal. No one was waiting. I wanted to drift quietly in this place.

To live like that and then die.

Even in the pitch-black night where nothing was visible, the moon and stars were shining in the night sky. The crescent moon was still too thin, yet the stars did not leave its side.

Eventually, the moon rose high, and the waves came crashing. I was swept away again. The waves crashed too often and too painfully, causing distress. My salt-soaked legs felt dry and stung, and before I could forget the pain, the waves came for me, for me…

If I ran away into the island, I could avoid the waves, but foolishly sitting on the beach, I didn’t know how to stand up. The waves came crashing in, yet the island did not sink. It wasn’t submerged in water.

Even so, the island was gradually getting smaller. The wind carried the sand away, and the water soaked the ground. Just as the sun made them blossom, the moon made them wither. Only the beach I sat on remained steadfast on the shrinking island.

Let’s wait for the island to completely disappear. If that happens, the waves will sweep me away, and no one will remember there was an island here.

Let’s slowly sink like this. Instead of the island that has vanished.

A melancholy clam sang beside me.

Clam boy, you won’t go alone.

Hold me, embrace me, and soothe me.

Living is not an easy thing.

From him, I could smell the sea, the scent of seaweed and salt.

This time… I wish for a daughter.

Where does the song begin and where does the monologue end?

You sing quite well.

I make quite a good audience.

As I hummed along to the melancholy tune, soon only the sand around me remained. It floated me on the sea, and I was drifting again, alive.

If I close my eyes like this, everything will end, so I believed and closed my eyes, no longer letting moonlight enter them.

Even with my eyes closed, I could hear sounds.

Someone called me.

An old man in a small boat was there. He held a harpoon in his hand, but it was not pointed at me.

Beside the small boat, there were the bones of a giant fish, and it was beautiful.

He called out to me and didn’t remain still; he rowed his way toward me.

Before I could even respond, he forcibly lifted me up, and I lay on the small boat.

The full moon hung in the sky.

~

I read the letter, then read it again, then read it over and over, repeatedly reading it. And then I stared at the letter, my eyes losing focus.

And, without realizing it, I closed my eyes. Slowly, as if drifting into sleep, I relaxed my body and quietly disappeared like Sleeping Beauty.

In that completely natural state, it was hard to tell whether he had fainted or fallen asleep. In a moment of panic, I checked his breathing. The irregular breath flowed out like a groan.

I adjusted his position and turned my eyes to the letter in his hand.

His hand was still strong, making it quite difficult to pull the letter away.

It didn’t sit well with me to engage in such impolite behavior as reading someone else’s letter without permission. But what of it? What could I do? Observing was easy, but looking away was difficult.

I read the letter and sighed.

He is smart. He couldn’t possibly be unaware of this meaning. And yet he was foolish.

I put the letter back into the envelope. Then, I placed it in my pocket. I had no intention of returning it.

What dream are you dreaming now? It doesn’t look that good, whatever it is. Your breath is getting shallower. I’m not kind enough to let you stay asleep.

Wake up.

~

“Are you okay?”

“Huh?”

I felt like I had a terrible nightmare. However, the volatility of dreams was so strong that at the moment I woke up, I had no memory left.

“You suddenly fell asleep, and I thought you might be tired, so I was going to leave you be, but I just woke you up.”

“…Ah, sorry.”

“No need to apologize.”

I brushed off Hwa-won’s words and looked for what I needed to find. The thing that was in my hand. But it was nowhere to be seen.

“…Where did it go?”

“What?”

“The letter.”

“What letter?”

“The letter… that was in the box.”

“What’s that?”

It felt like some strange riddle. We saw it together, didn’t we?

Or didn’t we? Was I all alone at that time? My head didn’t hurt, and I wasn’t dizzy.

“…The one I got from the orphanage.”

“What are you talking about?”

Hwa-won acted as if he didn’t understand. He could easily play a part in a performance, yet to me, he seemed to be putting on a ridiculous play.

“Don’t pretend you don’t know.”

“No, I really have no idea. A letter? There was only a book in the box. Where’s the letter, anyway?”

It was a foolish act of concern. I understood what he was worried about, but this was a kind of consideration I didn’t want. I lowered my voice. It wasn’t very high to begin with.

“Give it to me.”

“No.”

“You should say you don’t know instead of saying you don’t want to.”

“I don’t know.”

“Quick learner, huh?”

Anyway, I had no intention of tolerating this act of deceit.

“Did you read it?”

“I told you there was no such thing.”

“You read it.”

“I didn’t read it.”

“You’re not planning to act, are you?”

It was a clown act. Though he acted perfectly, he was hiding nothing and was not acting at all, yet he hid everything.

“Living is the fate of everyone to perform.”

“Is that why you hate it?”

“That’s a bit misogynistic, you know.”

“Shut up.”

I felt like I should at least exhale once, get angry once, or even feel annoyed, but I didn’t want to encounter more of this unbearable concern. Not even a sigh escaped me, nor did anger or annoyance rise. It felt foolish.

“Let’s go.”

“Home?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright.”

Hwa-won, seemingly flustered by my agreement, responded with a bit of a silly voice. I opened the window. The wind blew in. Someday, I’d have to take it back. I don’t know if there’s a need for that. There was an obligation to do so. But leaving it for a bit shouldn’t be a problem.

It wasn’t like I was leaving it forever.

I didn’t close my eyes. I captured the scenery rushing by in my gaze. The cold wind touched my eyes. A single tear, offering enough to the cold wind.

The waves continued to crash over me.

Opening my eyes, I found that that oppressive feeling was disappearing like foam.

I disappeared like foam, yet something was always born from foam like a goddess.

If I close my eyes, everything disappears.

But even if I opened my eyes, some things would disappear.

I turned my head to the side and saw Hwa-won, who was focused on driving.

~

“What’s up?”

I asked Hwa-won in a dazed voice.

“A department store.”

“Why are we coming here?”

“We said we’d buy clothes.”

“No, we canceled that promise.”

“Now that we’re meeting, is there any need to waste time?”

“That’s… not really.”

But it had already been canceled.

Since I had mentioned it, he must be quite aware of how I felt, and Hwa-won had also agreed to postpone the promise. In that situation, why was he suddenly continuing the promise on his own? Hwa-won wasn’t the type to force me into such things.

“Forget it, just come.”

No, he was forcing me.

I understood to some extent what he was thinking. My state must look so bad that he was trying to cheer me up, even if it meant dragging me along. I appreciated that sentiment, but frankly, this was not consideration. It was an annoyance.

I was somewhat scared of really having my picture taken and didn’t want to release this gloomy feeling that way. I knew it was a futile guilt, but people are not always such rational creatures.

…Women even more so.

I yelled while pulling away from Hwa-won, who was forcibly grabbing my hand.

“Hey, stop pulling! Why are you acting like this all of a sudden?!”

“Watch your words. And, causing a scene now is only going to hurt you.”

I glanced around at Hwa-won’s words. We were at the entrance of the department store, and there were quite a few people. It didn’t feel like all eyes were on us yet, but if we kept arguing, it was only a matter of time.

“Let’s go inside and see….”

“Okay, okay, good job.”

Grinding my teeth, I reluctantly followed Hwa-won into the elevator. Yeah, I felt a little better. Foolish, really.

By the way, the atmosphere felt a bit strange. I hadn’t quite grasped the situation, but the elevator was a bit…

No, it was actually very luxurious.

“Isn’t this a pricey place?”

“It might be a bit expensive.”

“Seems more than a bit.”

Suddenly, a strange thought came to mind, one that was really foolish and somewhat scary. It reminded me of a romance novel I had read before. It wasn’t your typical genre literature. Of course, it presented itself as a romance novel and was definitely not something you’d consider literary fiction, but it still left a strong impression on me.

The plot and setting were typical for a romance story. A third-generation chaebol male lead and an ordinary female lead in a romance. The woman showed a slightly unusual demeanor, but they spent time together smoothly.

And the twist revealed in the middle of the novel was that the woman couldn’t distinguish faces.

Prosopagnosia.

Could you love a woman who couldn’t distinguish people? Could you love a man whose face you didn’t know?

Though the story itself was a cliché romance, it was a novel that gave a lot to think about. If it had been any other kind of story, I wouldn’t have been recommended it in the first place, nor would I have read it.

However, what was important now was not that nonsense, but rather the truly foolish scene I had recalled from that book.

A man who suddenly intruded after seeing a woman being ignored by the department store staff, revealing he was a VIP of the store, and the staff trembling, embarking on an enormous shopping spree—this truly absurd scene was too foolish that it made me forget any thought-provoking aspects of the aforementioned novel.

And the person who recommended this novel to me was Hwa-won.

Hwa-won’s father likely owned dozens of foreign cars, and although I hadn’t heard which company it was, it must have been one anyone would recognize just by name—a CEO or chairman? Something like that. Though there was still a grace period, Hwa-won was like the heir of that company.

…A cold sweat suddenly broke out.

It was a truly foolish thought, but I suddenly wondered if the elevator stopped and let us out if it would lead to a VIP lounge. Of course, no matter how much Hwa-won wanted to cheer me up, I couldn’t imagine him doing something so silly.

…But why did we come here?

Surely not?