Chapter 94

A moment of silence passed.

Muk Ha-neul and Hwa-won were both unable to say anything for a while.

In fact, no one would be able to easily speak in such a situation.

Especially when a grown man indulges in such childish antics.

Even if Muk Ha-neul and Hwa-won didn’t understand this situation, it was understandable. I myself couldn’t even comprehend my actions.

There is a saying.

An ostrich, when a predator appears, buries its head in the ground and pretends not to see it, believing that if it disappears from its view, the predator will go away.

Of course, this story is ridiculous. If ostriches were really like that, they would have gone extinct long ago. In the first place, when an ostrich spots a predator, it doesn’t bury its head but immediately flees with its tremendous speed and endurance.

But I knew very well that my current state was no different from that foolish ostrich.

I wish I didn’t know.

Was I scared of Hwa-won? That wasn’t it. What terrified me was not knowing how Hwa-won would react to seeing me like this.

Could someone like me, in this state, continue to be his friend?

“Hey.”

It was Hwa-won’s voice that interrupted my thoughts. I felt the weight shift to one side of the bed. It must be Hwa-won; Muk Ha-neul wouldn’t bring this kind of heaviness.

“Just stay there and listen. No, you don’t have to listen. I’ll just talk to myself for a bit, so just stay quiet.”

…Should I respond? I almost shouted out unconsciously, saying it didn’t make sense.

“I don’t really know what to say. So my words might be a bit, well, annoying, but let’s just deal with it.”

“Um, Senior. That’s…”

“Haneul, shut up.”

“I don’t want to…”

“I can’t ignore this.”

“I’m going to sue you.”

Normally, Muk Ha-neul and Hwa-won’s banter would be somewhat amusing, but right now, it honestly didn’t resonate at all. The heaviness pressing down on this corner of the bed was too much.

How did they find me here? From what I heard, Muk Ha-neul didn’t seem to have betrayed me. So how did they find me? When I came to the hospital, I wore a hat, so it shouldn’t have been easy for someone to recognize me, and the hospital wouldn’t tell anyone.

As if she had eavesdropped on my thoughts, Hwa-won began to speak.

“First of all, what should I talk about? Finding this place wasn’t really that hard, to be honest. I mean, you said you were sick, so you’d be at a hospital. This one’s the closest. Since no one was home, I came straight here, and then the idiot called me. After some back and forth, he told me not to come, but I had no reason to listen.”

“That doesn’t mean you should barge in like this. It’s really savage.”

“Is it just me?”

“Even though Seol-guk-senpai looked down on women, he didn’t trample on them like you do.”

“True.”

…Should I keep listening to this?

“I probably wouldn’t have found out if I had asked the hospital, but this idiot stupidly called me in the lobby. That’s how I ended up here.”

“How did you think you would run into me there?”

“Shut up. Anyway, let’s start with this: what do you think about it? A so-called friend sends a text saying he’s sick, but after that doesn’t pick up calls, ignores texts, and then when I check in at home, I find no one is there. How am I supposed to understand this?”

Once again, I almost spoke up. Why was she asking me that when she was claiming to be talking to herself?

“Didn’t you say to think about my feelings? You said we’re not gay, so is this weird? Yeah, our connection was never that solid. We became decent friends, had a casual bond, and we happened to keep meeting. That was all there was to it. It was a relationship that would probably end with us cutting off contact without any word.”

Silence.

“But isn’t that good? I thought it was good. I liked that we were just ordinary friends. If we were just casual friends, shouldn’t I be able to at least visit the sick one? You should have at least answered your phone.”

Silence.

“I don’t know what you’re afraid of or what you expect from me. It’s frustrating and tiring. Yet, in the end, here I am. What do you think this means? It’s because I didn’t want to hear that you died somewhere.”

Calm.

“Are you embarrassed to show me your weak side? You’ve always been weak. You’ve always been weak as hell. Stop pretending to be tough. What is this? You’re really bad at keeping friends, aren’t you? You’ve never acted like this with a girlfriend, right? Isn’t this cringe? We’re in the literature department, and we’re all sentimental trash, but normally, you wouldn’t say things like this in reality.”

Stillness.

“Ah, this is just terrible. I ran out when I was with my dad because of you. Isn’t it about time for you to say at least a word? I’ve done this much. Just say something. Anything.”

…What should I say?

“Hwa-won, this might seem serious and touching, but it’s a bit pathetic, can I just say one thing?”

“What is it?”

“First of all, no matter how you feel, talking about your feelings to a sick person seems a bit tacky.”

“I’m always tacky. So what?”

What should I say?

Should I just speak the words that came to me? Honestly, there were things I wanted to ask and say. Murmuring from under the pile of blankets, I spoke softly.

“You two…”

“Hmm?”

“Excuse me?”

“…Since when were you two so close?”

Silence. A stillness. A calm.

Ah, clearly, this was not the right question to ask at this moment.

“We’re not that close.”

“That’s a bit unpleasant, Senior.”

“…You seem really close.”

I knew they were at least acquaintances. Back in college, I had seen them talk a few times. But I had never seen them speak so affectionately.

“Even if I’m a scoundrel, I wouldn’t touch a friend.”

“Do you know how disgusting that sounds? Don’t you remember trying to flirt with me before?”

“That doesn’t count, it was a different situation.”

“You slept with Hwa-won?”

“I didn’t sleep with her!”

“Why don’t you answer me?”

“I didn’t sleep with her, okay?”

It’s not like it was a lie. It wasn’t strange that Hwa-won had tried to hit on Muk Ha-neul. He was the type to make advances if a girl looked good, and Muk Ha-neul was objectively pretty. And Hwa-won didn’t like smart girls, so even if he tried to impress her, it was clear he wouldn’t go all the way.

Well, Senior Su-Young is an exception, but after that love triangle, she just switched from Hwa-won’s girlfriend to his sex friend.

So they definitely hadn’t slept together. They shouldn’t have.

…Why do I feel so dirty?

“I usually wouldn’t see much of Hwa-won when she ran away from home, but she came back this time and has been showing up for events, so I’ve just seen her at those.”

“Events?”

“It was an exchange event I was supposed to attend with my dad. It wasn’t anything substantial.”

“As long as it’s not substantial, that’s a relief. There are only people who scratch your soul.”

Both of them, when you think about it, were born with a silver spoon. Originally, people who decided to major in literature, especially in a department where you won’t earn much, were generally from well-off families. Those two were particularly extreme, and I stood out even among them as an oddity.

From what I gathered, it seemed they became close through that event or whatever, but for some reason, even after hearing the explanation, I didn’t feel good.

“So, is that all you wanted to say?”

…That was not the end.

But I feared asking a serious question. Just now, didn’t the atmosphere lighten a bit? Wasn’t it a scene of a normal everyday life where we just jokingly laughed together? Did we really have to go back to being serious?

I wanted to run.

But even if I buried my head in the ground, the predator wouldn’t disappear.

So, it was time to run. But these legs weren’t meant for fleeing.

So, I would run at full speed.

I would give it my all and collide as hard as Hwa-won had collided into me.

“…So, will that really happen?”

However, contrary to that determination, the voice that came from my mouth was so small it couldn’t even be heard. Answering with such a foolishly quiet voice, I didn’t hear a response.

“Really, will that happen?”

The next voice was even quieter.

“Will you stay friends with me even like this?”

It got even smaller.

The answer was not heard.

Despair didn’t last long.

In a moment of distraction, the blanket was pulled away. Hwa-won had lifted the blanket, exposing my vulnerability.

“I can’t hear you.”

“…!”

“Speak clearly.”

How could I possibly say something clearly in this situation?

…But I had to.

“Will you stay friends with me?”

“Dumbass, I already said it.”

She had said it.

“Yeah, you said we’re friends.”

She did say that.

“No matter what happens from now on, we’re still friends.”

That was you.

I felt a few tears coming out without me even realizing it.

So, I just slipped back under the blanket she was holding hostage.

Maybe it was somewhat Hwa-won’s warmth.