Chapter 83

Of course, I don’t think Senior Su-Young understood everything perfectly. She’s not a psychic, and that’s impossible.

But she certainly could have suspicions.

After I met Lee Cheon that day, I disappeared without meeting Professor Seo or Senior Su-Young, and later the news came out about Lee Cheon’s incident.

…It wasn’t strange to suspect some relationship.

But still, it would just be at the stage of suspicion. I tried hard to act calm and answered nonchalantly.

“What phone call?”

“You know, the day you returned from the countryside, I called you then. They said you suddenly disappeared. It was after I just met that writer I told you about.”

…Did she foresee some of this already?

“With just that interview, you can’t really judge if that person is truly like that,”

“Ah…”

“To be honest, I accepted it. You said it smelled bad before.”

“That’s true.”

“If it had ended there, it would have just been a matter of laughing and saying, ‘See, I told you so?’”

“…That would be enough.”

“What happened that day?”

“Nothing happened.”

“At that time, I felt something was off. The atmosphere felt strange. I passed it off as nothing, but Senior Su-Young called. Still, I thought there wouldn’t be anything serious. If something had happened, you would have told me. You’re not an idiot.”

“….”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

The reason I didn’t contact Hwa-won separately wasn’t that I couldn’t reach him. It was because Hwa-won in the U.S. wasn’t in a situation to help me at all. If Hwa-won had been in Korea, I would have somehow asked for help.

But I wouldn’t have mentioned this incident.

“I told you nothing happened.”

“Isn’t that right? In the past, I didn’t know if you were good at lying or not. Maybe you’re someone who doesn’t lie at all, or you’re just too good at it that I didn’t notice. But looking at it now, I think it’s definitely the latter.”

“It’s true.”

“I was in America. Honestly, I was a bit busy, so I didn’t have time to see what was happening in Korea. But if you had said anything to me, I would have helped somehow. But why haven’t you said a word until now? What did you learn from the past?”

“I’m telling you, it’s true. Even if something happened, I didn’t really have to report it to you. What’s there between guys…”

“Yeah, well said. What’s there between guys. You’re a guy, right? Are you really some kind of girl? Other than a hole in your pants, are you anything but a fool? Why are you hiding this?”

“Nothing happened, and that’s why I didn’t say anything.”

“If that were true, I would have just made some casual conversation and hung up. But you do know your voice is trembling, right? Do you even remember what you first said? What phone call? Do you know how long it took you to say that one sentence?”

“…What am I, your girlfriend? Don’t bother me.”

“Ha, bullshit. Even if you had a body like yours, I wouldn’t touch it!”

“I really don’t get what you think our relationship is. We’re just friends.”

…Right.

We were just friends.

Our meeting wasn’t dramatic, and our relationship was different from drama. If you asked who my closest friend was, I would naturally say Gang Hwa-won. I can’t be sure, but he would probably say my name too.

I don’t know if my personality really fits well with his. We fought a lot, and we met often. We’ve known each other for almost 10 years, and somehow we still existed as friends.

Gang Hwa-won and I were very different.

I was a neglected orphan with nothing, but he came from a perfectly fine home. He lived in a rental and complained every day about being broke, yet he had the latest smartphone and got 500 as pocket money. After I mindlessly contributed my living expenses and ended up starving, he was grilling meat.

On the other hand, I can’t say I’ve succeeded as a writer yet, but I’ve achieved some results. At least I’ve become a promising candidate, but Hwa-won had not. He had never achieved anything solid and was constantly discouraged from writing at home.

There were many differences.

We were certainly people living in different places.

Nonetheless, our relationship was horizontal and equal.

Because we didn’t hide any feelings of inferiority from each other.

Because we didn’t demand anything in return from each other.

What we exchanged couldn’t be paid back as a price.

So, I couldn’t say these things to Hwa-won.

We were just friends,

And I wanted to remain just friends.

I hoped we could continue to be just friends from now on.

That was all.

Nothing deeper, nothing shallower, just that.

However, of course, such long thoughts would never find a way into words. In my words, our conversation cut off, and I could hear Hwa-won grinding his teeth on the other end of the phone.

“Ah, you idiot.”

No, it didn’t seem like he was particularly grinding his teeth.

“…What?”

“Aren’t you just being a total idiot? You really think you’re some kind of genius? Why are you acting like this?”

“Who’s acting like a girl right now? I’m not even your girlfriend, so why are you being so obsessive?”

“You wouldn’t know because you don’t have friends, but even if it’s not a normal friend, if I hear that someone has suddenly disappeared after meeting a guy who sexually assaulted their daughter for years, I can’t help but worry. It’s common sense!”

“So is it common sense to curse at such a friend? Why are you mad at me?”

“Because you keep acting like a jerk. Want me to rephrase it? Just tone it down.”

“Then I told you nothing happened! No one touched me!”

Ah.

I spoke and then regretted it. It was almost a confession. Hwa-won fell silent for a moment.

“…Damn.”

And quietly cursed. This time, it wasn’t directed at me.

“…I’m sorry.”

Hwa-won apologized.

“I’m sorry for cursing. But think about how I feel having to hear this.”

“…Do I look like I have the luxury to think about you?”

“Yeah, that’s fair. But actually, I wasn’t just called by Senior Su-Young.”

“What?”

“After talking to Senior Su-Young, I just got off the phone with Professor Seo.”

“…No way.”

“I was just trying to gather information about that day, but he started talking about new stuff.”

“That guy….”

This really was stepping out of the realm of common sense, wasn’t it? Is he spreading such stories to others?

“I think there might be some misunderstanding, so I’ll clarify—I was the one who pressed him. He said he had seen it. That drunk Professor Seo took that guy with him. He also mentioned that Jae-Ah suddenly left while she was at their house.”

…Indeed, with that much detail, Professor Seo couldn’t deny it either. Still, I didn’t like that he had spoken.

Even though it was already more or less public information, I kept my mouth shut. Saying it wasn’t true would only make me look foolish.

“We have that kind of relationship. There was nothing dramatic about our meeting, we fought a lot, and we complained about women together. Just a normal friendship.”

Hwa-won was saying exactly what I thought. I found it difficult to respond. I couldn’t just say I thought so too.

“But doesn’t that matter enough? I’m not saying you have to spill everything, but when something this big happens, shouldn’t you at least tell me? Even if we’re not in a romantic relationship.”

You’re not an idiot.

Hwa-won added that line.

He wouldn’t have said that if he knew, I thought.

If he understood the changes I was going through, and the things I was experiencing.

It wasn’t something you could understand just from another person’s words. Hwa-won’s anger stemmed from not knowing.

Because within Hwa-won, I was still his friend, just ‘Seol-guk’.

So, Hwa-won didn’t know my pain. He didn’t know my fears, nor my foolishness.

He certainly wouldn’t understand my weakness.

That’s why he was getting mad. Because the ‘me’ he knew wasn’t reacting this way.

Even though he was this angry, it was easy for him to let it go and chew over past events casually, as if we were just friends.

From Hwa-won’s perspective, it would be like hearing that his friend had gone through some horrible shit.

If I had been just a normal girl, he wouldn’t have acted like this, throwing around curses. He would have just offered me some usual consolation.

In the past, I had cursed at foolish women who hid being victims of sexual crimes. I had agreed with Hwa-won back then. They really were some of the most foolish idiots.

But now I was that idiot.

Both Hwa-won and I, the idiots we had hated so much.

“…What if I am an idiot?”

“What?”

“If I’m an idiot, a fool, what will you do?”

“You….”

“If I’m stupid, foolish, weak, pathetic, and nothing but a loser with a hole in my pants, what will you do? What if I’m everything we hated?”

My lower abdomen hurt.

“…What will you do?”

Hwa-won didn’t answer.

“What should I do?”

Hwa-won didn’t answer.

“Say something.”

My lower abdomen hurt.

“Please.”

Hwa-won responded,

“…Then.”

He opened his mouth.

“Still, we’re friends, right?”