Chapter 19

“It’s closer than I thought.”

Not long after sending that message, the doorbell rang outside. Glancing through the intercom, as expected, Muk Ha-neul was standing there.

I immediately went out to open the door for her. Once I did, it was clear that Muk Ha-neul was indeed taller than me now.

“You’re early.”

“Uh… uh…?”

“What are you waiting for? Come in already.”

“Is this… isn’t this Seol-guk-senpai’s house…?”

“That’s right.”

“Then… who are you?”

I sighed deeply. Had she really not recognized me yet despite my hair color? Or was she deliberately ignoring it? Her disrespectfully casual tone of voice, as though she assumed I was definitely younger than her, irritated me.

“Who else in this country could have hair this color right now? Come inside already.”

With an anxious demeanor, I guided Muk Ha-neul into the house and had her sit on the sofa. I poured her a glass of water.

In a somewhat awkward manner, Muk Ha-neul placed the basket she was carrying down and asked.

“Is it really you, Seol-guk-senpai?”

Her awkward mix of casual and formal speech indicated that she still hadn’t fully grasped the situation. I had to admit, it was a story difficult to believe quickly—how could a male senior who was taller than her suddenly become this small kid?

“Yes, it’s me. Seol-guk. The one who’s rude, has a nasty personality, and is a toxic tongue. The same Seol-guk who agreed to watch a play with you the weekend before last.”

“It’s really you…”

“Would it be fake?”

Until now, Muk Ha-neul’s expression was one of confusion, but it changed to one of genuine surprise. Indeed, it was surprising for me too—I had lived all this time without knowing about the existence of such a condition.

Muk Ha-neul seemed similarly shocked.

“Much smaller than I thought… Your face looks somewhat familiar though.”

“Does it?”

Muk Ha-neul’s unexpected comment surprised me. Could my face resemble my previous one? I hadn’t noticed any strong resemblance when looking in the mirror, but perhaps it was true. The thought that some fragments of my past still remained in this appearance slightly brightened my mood.

“Yes, but your hair color… it’s amazing. It suddenly turned bleached-like. Why did it change like this?”

“What about it?”

“It looks like it’s been chewed up by a mouse. Did you cut it yourself?”

That observation was quite sharp of her.

“It was originally longer, but it was bothering me, so I just cut it. I can’t exactly go to a hair salon in this state, so I cut it as best as I could myself. Is it that strange?”

“It is strange. Shall I fix it for you?”

“Can you do that?”

“Not really, but I can definitely make it better than it is now.”

In Muk Ha-neul’s words, I sensed a strong determination. Perhaps she had a mission not to leave disheveled hair alone. Given that there’s a limit to what I could do cutting my hair myself, it seemed fine to leave it to her.

“Then cut it for me. Can you cut it extremely short?”

“Really? Shorter?”

“Yes, it looks too feminine if it’s long.”

My outright request made Muk Ha-neul’s expression harden. Could she be upset just because of this comment? Though I used to say things like this as easily as breathing. Was there any specific reason for her to suddenly be annoyed?

However, Muk Ha-neul’s hardened expression seemed to stem from another reason.

“It’s such a waste. Cutting it like this… isn’t it excessive?”

It seemed Muk Ha-neul simply disliked the idea of cutting her hair too short.

“It’s not wasted. Just cut it.”

“But… longer length would probably suit you more…”

“I don’t care about that kind of thing.”

“Still, a little grooming might help. It would generally give a better impression socially.”

“If I cared about gaining others’ approval, I wouldn’t have talked and walked the way I did.”

“But it’s really such a pity…”

“Stop being so annoying.”

Though Muk Ha-neul attempted to persuade me somehow, my mind was unchanged. Becoming a woman didn’t change my mental state. I had no intention of dressing like a woman, and this decision to cut my hair was an extension of that.

Muk Ha-neul’s words wouldn’t alter my mind.

…At least, that’s what I thought. Eventually, like it or not, Muk Ha-neul seemed to give up. She took the kitchen scissors I offered and prepared to trim my hair.

“Just sit here…”

Following Muk Ha-neul’s instructions, I sat down in the chair. To prevent the cut hair from falling inside my clothes, I wrapped a towel loosely around my neck. That part went smoothly enough.

That is, until Muk Ha-neul made an unexpected remark.

“Now that I think about it… didn’t we have senior classmates in our major with short hair?”

The memories this comment stirred were of, naturally, the ones I disliked the most. The type commonly referred to as “anti-feminine” or “anti-corset” advocates.

Feminists.

A movement claiming to break free from societal definitions of femininity. In reality, it was nothing more than a farce where unattractive individuals, resigned to their unappealing appearance, abandon even the effort to enhance themselves.

Such people naturally existed within our Faculty of Literature, and I openly displayed my contempt for them, refusing any association.

Of course, my intention to cut my hair short had nothing to do with this “anti-corset” movement. However, the aspect of rejecting femininity and abandoning self-enhancement did bear some resemblance.

Could others perceive me in that same light? Nothing could be more absurd than being mistaken for a feminist, but I couldn’t tolerate even this slightest misunderstanding.

For some reason, as Muk Ha-neul hesitated to touch my hair, I quietly spoke.

“Let’s just stop cutting it.”

“Really? You’re sure?”

“I just feel a bit irritated.”

“Great decision! I’ll give you a neat trim.”

Though unnecessary.

Muk Ha-neul eventually trimmed my hair neatly. Observing the tidy hair that used to stick out awkwardly, it definitely looked better than before.

“Thank you.”

“Not at all. When I saw your hair had bleached and I worried it might be damaged, but touching it, it doesn’t seem to be. Anyway, I did the best I could here, but from now on, you should go to a proper hair salon for cuts.”

“Well, I can’t hide forever. Once the buzz dies down, I’ll start going.”

While public awareness of TS disease began with me, it seemed like it would take quite some time. Still, these kinds of issues in Korea don’t last long. It’s been about two weeks already. If another two weeks pass, the number of people still caring will probably drop.

“Your place feels quite empty.”

“Since I just moved.”

“Not that I moved by choice—it was arranged by National Intelligence Service.”

“National Intelligence Service? So the rumors about identity changes being true?”

Muk Ha-neul asked with a slightly tense expression. I shook my head.

“No, I’m not doing any identity change. The NIS recommended it, but since I haven’t done anything wrong, I have no intention to run away.”

Muk Ha-neul’s expression relaxed as if relieved and said,

“It’s reassuring to see that you’re still the same senior.”

“I’m glad you think so.”

Being called “the same” by Muk Ha-neul was somewhat comforting. Even though she was also limited by her gender, she was among those who saw me for who I am.

But it seemed Muk Ha-neul’s thoughts were different.

“Still, your appearance has changed significantly. To have become so small…”

Muk Ha-neul gently placed her hands on my shoulders as I sat in the chair. It felt slightly ticklish and strange.

“Hey, let go…”

I tried to shake off her hands, but for some reason, they wouldn’t budge. Eventually, I had to ask her verbally to stop. Only then did she release me.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize I was holding on too tightly. Did it hurt?”

“It’s not about the hurt…”

Eh, never mind.

There was nothing left to say to this foolish girl who didn’t even realize what an impolite act she’d done.

“By the way, your clothes seem very casually chosen. Like something a boy would wear.”

“I am a man, and I didn’t choose them.”

“Then who did?”

“A NIS employee bought them for me. Even the underwear, everything.”

“Was the employee female or male?”

“Female. Why?”

“Ah, it’s nothing.”

What strange questions.

“Then… are you wearing your underwear properly?”

“Don’t ask senior something so inappropriate.”

“You started it when you brought up underwear.”

Now that I think about it, perhaps I made a slip by constantly feeling the sensation of this perfectly fitted triangular underwear.

“Anyway.”

“So are you dressed properly?”

“What do you care?”

“It’s important, though. It might sound awkward, but…”

“It is awkward. Stop it.”

“Still, during the growth period, you should wear the proper fitting underwear.”

Suddenly, it felt like Muk Ha-neul wasn’t even listening to my words. The talk of custom underwear was something I cared nothing about. Irritation was starting to bubble up, but strangely, I found it a bit difficult to yell at Muk Ha-neul like in the past.

Maybe it was also because I was sitting on the chair and felt somewhat pressured by her height towering over me. Though I thought I’d adjusted to this new perspective, the sense of dissonance from meeting an old acquaintance in this form was nothing trivial.

“Is it okay if I check out your wardrobe?”

“There’s nothing to check out.”

“Huh?”

“I only have this one set of clothes. And the underwear. The female NIS staff bought just this outfit and that hat over there.”

“Huh? Just one? What about the hat?”

I pointed to the hat tossed on the sofa.

“They advised to avoid going outside for now, but if absolutely necessary, to wear the hat to cover my hair. I wore it on my way over here. Also, they only bought this one outfit since I can’t go outside right now anyway. I was planning to order things online for now.”

Muk Ha-neul’s expression became extremely serious, the most serious and determined expression I’d seen on her today.

“Senior.”

“What?”

“Let’s go shopping for clothes.”

“…”