Chapter 19

“Actually, I like Louis too.”

“······.”

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019

Separation Anxiety (Part 2)

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“······Hey! Louis!”

In the distorted space where the white horizon twisted, outside sounds shouldn’t have been audible, but the hurried footsteps and the desperate call of my name pierced through the veil of silence.

Even unconsciously, my head turned at the unmistakable voice. My foggy mind cleared in an instant, and though her figure hadn’t yet appeared, I immediately sensed her presence.

How urgently must she have run? Despite possessing a superhuman physique, Anne was lightly panting.

“Huh······?”

“What?”

“Wasn’t there someone here? I heard you talking.”

She must have thought I was being tortured again. Touched by her concern, a faint warmth stirred deep within me.

Yeah, I know I’m strange. Even in this situation, I still…

“Teacher.”

“Teacher?”

“That’s what they told me to call them. You know, the priests you said were originally here.”

I can’t abandon you.

Like a baby bird imprinting, even if the world turned upside down, the absolute standard never changed.

“What did they look like? Did they hurt you?”

“I don’t remember well, but they had black hair. They didn’t do anything special, just talked for a bit and left.”

The reason my words were slightly vague was because I wasn’t sure myself. Hmm, come to think of it, I don’t remember their appearance or how they left.

But in this place, such things were entirely possible. This was a distorted space, after all.

“If nothing happened, that’s good.”

The faint doubt was soon buried as Anne stepped through the bars and took my hand. Despite being mature, her delicate appearance still made her seem fragile, and she smiled brightly without a trace of worry.

“I have good news!”

Her attitude was as if she was certain I’d be happy to hear it.

“The Religious Order has given permission. From now on, I’ll be in charge of this reformatory. It’s only for a while, but until you can leave here!”

“R-really?”

And it truly was good news.

Setting aside emotions, rationally speaking, Anne wouldn’t torture or harm me like other Inquisition Judges. And with her by my side now…

I wasn’t hearing voices anymore and could communicate normally. When I was alone, it felt like I had lost everything, but at least now…

For someone who had lost everything, I was holding up pretty well.

“How can I… leave the reformatory?”

Moreover, Anne had even promised the ‘next step.’

Considering that it was Anne who had imprisoned me here in the first place, this was a comedy that wasn’t even funny. Even if I left, the village I lived in was already ashes. And that too, by your hands.

Yet, I had no choice but to cling to the goal you set. If I let go of this, the only end left for me was to rot in a corner of this cage.

I wanted to escape this blindingly bright space immediately, but even as I smiled gently now, it was clear you wouldn’t grant my plea.

“You just need to cleanse the ‘darkness’ within you.”

“W-what? What does that even mean?”

In the end, you were just like the others, a damn fanatic.

The logic of religious people, who seemed to live in a different world, had no room for doubt. Not because it was the truth or right, but because they never listened to others.

No matter how strong a shield is, it will eventually wear and break, but how can you break something that doesn’t even clash?

Well, they’d say it’s because it’s the truth and right. Disgusting blindness and stubbornness.

“Hmm. It seems hard to understand, so I’ll explain it simply.”

Even if the ‘darkness’ they spoke of had manifested in some visible way, I might have tried to accept it, but no matter how much I thought about it, I was still just me.

I didn’t follow any heretical gods, nor was I consumed by evil.

“Like this.”

Anne swung her arm lightly, as if to demonstrate.

Whoosh! And in the next moment, her arm flew straight toward me. Even knowing it was futile, I instinctively flinched at the strike that created a sonic boom with human strength-

-Her hand stopped right in front of my nose.

“See, Louis.”

······I’m certain. If Anne hadn’t stopped, that absurdly powerful strike would have killed me or at least left me severely injured.

In the end, was Anne just like the others, trying to suppress me with force? No, there was never a ‘different’ enemy from the start. You’ve been forcing me with strength from the beginning.

Thinking about you feels like being brainwashed, as all my thoughts flow in a positive direction.

“Sorry for startling you.”

Her unchanging gentle voice only added to my confusion. Without a doubt, it wasn’t pretense but pure sincerity. She was worried and sorry for me.

Even though she had just swung her hand as if to kill me!

“But I had to show you. This is the biggest proof that you’ve been tainted by darkness.”

“······What?”

Moreover, her worry and apology were twisted in a way that no ordinary person could understand.

“You’re afraid of me.”

Her logic leaped several steps ahead, leaving me struggling to keep up. Faced with incomprehension, I felt goosebumps rise all over as I weakly protested the brush with death.

“T-that’s… natural······.”

“Natural?”

“You… just now. You almost killed me······.”

Even if her control over her strength was perfect, I wasn’t bold enough to laugh in the face of death.

Before all this, I was just a country boy far removed from violence. The path I walked was even under the protection of the Religious Order.

The god and religion that once protected me now threatened me.

Without even realizing it was a threat, tainted with the same innocence and naivety from childhood.

“Kill you? Me? That’s impossible! Louis, how could you say something so harsh?”

As if her actions were just a light joke, and my words were a grave insult, she pressed on. Her hurt expression felt so genuine it was even more nauseating.

“You know how much I love you.”

I know, I thought.

From the day we parted after exchanging our last promise, until now.

“And Louis, I also know······.”

Anne firmly held my chin, preventing me from looking away. Her slender fingers completely bound and confined me.

“······How much you love me. How much you trust me.”

I might still love you, even if I can’t diagnose my own heart.

But one thing is wrong. I don’t trust you. Our love was just a one-night dream, and you, blinded by the city lights, might forget someone like me and never return.

Even if it’s not certainty, once doubt sprouts, a crack forms in the heart.

“So, even if you’re trembling now.”

On the other hand, Anne’s heart remained unbroken. Her steadfast and flawless love made me feel wretched in its light.

Even after realizing I had changed, her faith remained unshaken. A simple, clear reason. The change, the bad, the blindness—it was all the darkness’s fault.

‘There’s nothing wrong with me.’ It’s all the darkness’s fault.

An extreme logic even the defended self couldn’t accept.

“You’ll eventually return to how you were. Right?”

Her soft hand brushed my cheek.

Like prey before a predator, I couldn’t react, only accepting her touch. I couldn’t tell her to stop, refuse, or even enjoy the caress. I could do nothing.

There’s no ‘original.’ I’ve always been me.

“······Yeah.”

But I was too exhausted.

My already strained mind, my shattered heart. Broken and fragmented, I ended up saying what she wanted to hear.

I almost wanted to believe Anne’s words. If all this wasn’t my fault, if all this judgment and punishment was for the sins of someone else I knew. I couldn’t even feel wronged anymore.

Just to keep my heart from completely collapsing, I needed even the tiniest corner to lean on.

“Good, good.”

Contrary to her earlier words, this time she praised me with a gentle voice and kissed my forehead.

Peck. Her butterfly-soft lips pressed against my cool skin. Her smiling, clear blue eyes, as close as my trembling heart, were as pure as the sky in my memories.

Was all this really the fault of that incomprehensible Laube? Then why should the pain and suffering be mine?

But the world had swallowed too many silences for me to raise such ‘obvious’ questions. The massacre of the village, being kidnapped and imprisoned in the reformatory, the sadistic torture—all were the height of absurdity.

“Remember, Louis. The light will always shine by your side.”

What difference would one more absurdity make?

“Even if the light fades, I’ll be by your side then.”

I tightly gripped her hand. Even though it would hurt an ordinary girl, Anne’s smile didn’t waver. Instead, she gripped back even harder.

Yeah, that’s enough.