Chapter 13

“Sniff. Thanks. But someday, I…”

“Huh?”

“I don’t just want to rely on Louis all the time. I want to be someone Louis can lean on too.”

013

Reestablishment (Middle)

It felt strange when I thought about it. After enduring such brutal torture, my clothes weren’t even torn, and my body was perfectly fine?

Not a single drop of blood stained the clothes I was wearing. Just like when I first woke up in the reformatory, the thorn-crowned cross pattern caught my eye.

The only injury left on my body was a slight tingling in my wrists. While that’s fortunate for me, the lack of serious injuries feels almost too convenient.

“Let’s eat first. I’ll explain slowly.”

When I expressed my confusion, Anne seemed to brush it off awkwardly.

Still, I could skip the pre-meal prayer naturally, so I guess I should consider that a relief. As I picked up my spoon again, Anne, lost in thought, didn’t stop me this time.

The porridge I finally tasted was as bland and tasteless as it first appeared, but with my current mindset, even if it were a royal feast, my feelings wouldn’t have been any different.

It was just for survival, to fill my stomach. A repetitive spoonful devoid of joy or gratitude.

“You know this isn’t a normal space, right?”

By the time I had eaten half the bowl, Anne, who had been silent, finally spoke.

“I’ve heard it’s a distorted space or something like that.”

“Right. But that’s not all. In fact, there’s no place more deeply imbued with Ailim’s breath than the reformatory.”

At her words, I paused eating and glanced around. Here? The white horizon was distant and overwhelming, and the light filling the space felt more irritating than sacred.

“Even these bars function as a sacred barrier. And the light too. Look.”

Anne pointed to the shattered pieces of the iron chest she had crushed earlier. At first, I didn’t understand what she meant.

“It’s shrunk a lot, hasn’t it? The purifying light that fills the reformatory burns away impurities and filth.”

“Ah, I see.”

“So, inside here, you don’t need to wash, and the chamber pot will empty itself.”

Strangely, the emotion I felt upon hearing that was relief. Relief that I wouldn’t have to show my ugly side to my childhood friend.

Even in this situation, a small, childish part of me remained.

“And the porridge you’re eating.”

“…Hmm. I really don’t get this one.”

“It’s natural you wouldn’t notice. The porridge’s effect is to fill the eater’s stomach.”

Isn’t it normal for food to fill your stomach? I tilted my head at such an obvious statement, and Anne added,

“It means even heretics, monsters who crave blood and human flesh, who can only survive by sacrificing others, can live on this porridge. Though they’ll still weaken.”

Her explanation was better than before, but still hard to grasp. Truly, at times like this, I feel how Anne and I are from different worlds.

I cried and wailed as if the world was ending when my village was destroyed, but Anne has probably destroyed countless villages with her own hands.

Now, she probably doesn’t even consider her own hometown special.

“This… it’s not made of blood or human flesh, is it?”

The thought slipped out unintentionally.

“That’s a funny joke, Louis.”

“Uh, yeah?”

“But you should be careful. I’m fine with it, but others might get angry at you.”

Her tone was calm, no different from when she was explaining the reformatory earlier.

But I froze mid-bite. The way Anne’s eyes widened as she spoke sent chills down my spine.

Her irises were cold and expressionless, yet her lips still wore a gentle smile, as if mismatched pieces were forcibly put together.

“Got it, I’ll be careful.”

“Ahaha. But don’t be too stiff. The brothers and sisters of the Order are merciful.”

Anne seemed unaware of how she appeared, her demeanor calm.

Soon, her pupils contracted, and she returned to her usual self, but the goosebumps on my arms proved what I had just seen wasn’t an illusion.

What was that? What made her like that?

*Tick.*

In the awkward silence, my spoon scraped the bottom of the empty porridge bowl.

I’ve already finished it. Though it wasn’t enough to feel full, I didn’t want to eat more. I put the bowl down, feeling a strange sensation.

The remaining traces of the porridge disappeared on their own. As time passed, the bowl became spotless, as if it had never held food.

“Louis.”

Hearing my name called softly, I finally lifted my head, which I had been forcing down.

Meeting Anne’s eyes felt strangely terrifying. I didn’t know what came next.

My wounded, sick mind was now plagued with paranoia, wondering if Anne was really no different from the other Inquisition Judges.

What if all I’ve been given is the last mercy of a condemned prisoner, and next, Anne might crush me with her mace?

“Don’t worry, Louis. You’ll soon adapt to life in the reformatory.”

But when our eyes met, my heart became so confused I couldn’t even define my own feelings.

How can one person appear in so many different ways? The enemy of the village, an object of fear, an unforgettable first love, my light.

I fear her, yet crave her affection. I want to embrace her, but freeze at the sight of the Inquisition Judge’s emblem.

What you’re wearing now isn’t armor but a puffy priest’s robe, and the cross on your chest symbolizes the Order’s glory in radiant gold.

But every time I blink, a blood-soaked afterimage flickers over it. A shadow I never wanted, now cast over me for life.

I’ve learned how fragile the human soul is, how everything built over a lifetime can be shattered and destroyed in such a short time.

I’ve experienced it. Twice.

When Anne swung her mace, my world crumbled. When the red-haired Inquisition Judge lit the holy fire, even I was extinguished.

“Is that… possible?”

Now, I’m just ashes. A collection of broken pieces.

Even if Anne mercifully releases me now, I could never return to my old life. Without Anne, I’m consumed by anxiety and confusion, but even with her by my side, I can’t shake the fear.

I feel like I’m going mad. Or maybe I already am. But the fact that I can still speak makes me feel oddly proud.

“Of course!”

I didn’t have the strength to pull away from her hand gripping mine again. That small, delicate hand both supported and toppled me.

“Originally, priests visit the reformatory periodically to teach the heretics the word of God. But this time, I’m thinking of taking on that role.”

“Aren’t you an Inquisition Judge?”

Struggling, I clung to the last thread of reason and asked haltingly. Forming words into sentences felt like grueling labor.

“I am, but I was originally a priest too. The Order will listen to me. If they don’t, I’ll make them listen, even if I have to overthrow them.”

A violent joke the old Anne wouldn’t have made. Or was it even a joke?

My mind felt broken, as if every word and stimulus came a beat late. I could only stare blankly at Anne, whose delicate appearance didn’t match her words.

“So—”

Anne, filled with joy as she painted the future, seemed to have no time to look at the present me. Her eyes sparkled as if filled with stars, her voice rising with the expectation that it would surely come true.

A bit excessively, as if trying to encourage herself more than me.

“—We can stay together forever!”

“…”

“In here. Without anyone’s interference, without anyone taking you away! Louis. You don’t have to feel sorry for breaking your promise.”

Maybe Anne thought that was how I felt. That I was distracted, unworthy of her kindness, hence my dark expression.

That assumption was, of course, reasonable. Normally, I would’ve been apologetic and guilty the entire time I was with Anne. After all, I had trampled on her pure feelings. I would’ve humbly accepted her betrayal and anger.

But now, my heart was too clouded to feel sorry for Anne.

“Louis must’ve been anxious and lonely too. It’s my fault for not being by your side when you needed me most.”

The muddy water bubbling up in my chest overflowed, threatening to spill out if I opened my mouth.

So I chose to remain silent.

Why aren’t you saying the most important thing? Pretending not to know, pretending to forget, pretending nothing happened.

“Even if everyone else curses and points fingers, even if the world turns its back on you, I—”

“I’ll forgive you.”

I don’t think I can forgive you.