Chapter 58

Sena continued speaking before I could even respond.

I felt the strength draining from the arms that were wrapped around me.

Her voice was the same.

“Even if I take one more step forward.

Even if I muster the courage to hug you.

This is all I can do.

Clutching at your coattails, crying, and throwing a tantrum.”

Considering how I had just cursed Hans’s attitude, her words were quite self-deprecating.

Even though she believed her way was better, it seemed she wasn’t confident about the outcome.

If you can’t see the future, there’s nothing you can do.

Because the result is more important than the process.

No matter how right the process is, if the result doesn’t back it up, it’s wrong.

Even if you thought it was right and chose to stand by, if the result is bad, the regret will only double.

You’ll keep wondering, ‘What if I had stepped in then?’ and end up living in the past.

“I think it’s right not to move forward, but I feel so powerless.”

She slowly pulled away from me.

The warmth where we touched gradually faded, and the coldness of the air took its place.

From the distance she had created, she was still smiling.

Come to think of it, she had been smiling a lot lately.

I wasn’t naive enough to believe that all those smiles came from positive emotions.

“Now I can see.

Wharton probably did everything I only imagined.

Maybe I’m just being stubborn because I don’t want to be like her.”

Was she better than me?

Am I heading in the right direction?

If not, what should I do from now on?

Her eyes, not her mouth, were asking me these questions.

Sena had expressed herself countless times before, so not asking with words wasn’t a big constraint.

Yet, I remained silent as always.

No, I couldn’t answer.

Because I don’t even know myself.

I don’t know when I feel hope or what makes me despair.

Even when I was with Ariana, even when she died, I was just swept away by the surging emotions.

What right does someone like me have to give advice or answers to others?

She wasn’t the only one feeling powerless for not being able to do anything.

Death was always the last option for me, and now I’ve just chosen the only option left.

“…Now that I say it out loud, I feel even less confident.”

With no answer, Sena let go of my shoulders.

I’m not sure how she took it.

I rolled my eyes for a moment and decided to run away, irresponsible as it was.

I need time to sort out my thoughts.

“I know Sena is trying her best.

Don’t worry. Even if things go wrong, it’s not your fault…”

I smiled faintly and naturally grabbed the doorknob.

And as soon as I opened the door, I found Yuhan standing there.

Her expressionless face, unfocused eyes, and stiff posture were even more pronounced than usual.

Like a machine that had been turned off.

Of course, I couldn’t help but be startled.

“Gah!?”

“Ah, I forgot.”

Only after hearing Sena’s flustered voice did Yuhan’s eyes regain focus.

I steadied my trembling legs and asked her.

“Why, why are you here, Yuhan…?”

“The atmosphere inside didn’t seem good, so I was waiting without entering.

I didn’t make any noise, so I must have startled you. I’m sorry.”

“No, you don’t have to apologize…”

It’s me who should be sorry.

With Yuhan here too, it felt like I was blatantly skipping out, and I felt self-conscious.

While I was wondering if it was okay to just leave, she, who had been quietly watching me, spoke up.

“Remia senior.”

“Yes?”

“If you’re planning to go back now, would it be okay if I escorted you?”

Yuhan said that and reached out her hand to me.

I looked at that smooth hand for a moment and then sighed deeply.

It made me feel even more guilty when she acted like it was no big deal.

“…Club time isn’t over yet.

Wouldn’t it be a bit much to drag Yuhan along too?”

As I said that, I glanced at Sena.

She was looking out the window, lost in thought.

She soon noticed my gaze and turned her head towards me.

A smile quickly appeared on her previously expressionless face.

“It’s fine.

What are we going to do here alone?

Since it’s the first day, let’s just say we had a simple introduction.”

“You’re okay with it?”

“Yes, of course.

I have no reason to refuse.”

“Really…? Hmm.”

Sena nodded readily, as if there was no need to ask.

I thought she would dislike me being alone with someone.

It’s a bit unexpected.

Maybe Yuhan is okay.

I became a little curious about what kind of relationship the two of them have.

It doesn’t seem like just a simple senior-junior relationship.

And it seems like she’s also involved with the health teacher.

This girl is as extraordinary as her first impression.

Anyway, it’s a relief that the serious conversation naturally came to an end.

I took Yuhan’s hand and went back to the room.

***

Two days passed quickly, and before I knew it, it was Friday.

I was sitting quietly at the table and chairs I had set up for the meeting time.

Maid Ai was supposed to be brought by Sena, so all I had to do was wait.

A few minutes later, there was a soft knock, and the door opened.

When I looked up, I saw Maid Ai entering cautiously with a nervous expression.

I didn’t hide my joy.

It had been a while, so I even waved slightly to greet her.

“Hi, long time no see.”

“Ah, long time no see.

It’s nice to see you again, Princess!”

“Yeah, it’s the first time since we met in the health room.”

“Has it already been that long?”

The child counted on her fingers and then chuckled softly.

“It’s a bit disappointing that we don’t meet often, but I’m glad you’re doing better.

I thought it was really serious back then?”

“It’s thanks to you.”

“No, I didn’t do anything. Hehe…”

“Won’t your legs hurt if you keep standing? Sit down, Mari.”

“Ah, yes. Can I sit here?”

“That’s not a chair… Come here in front of me.”

When Sena, who had followed her in, offered a chair, she tried to sit on a box in the corner, so I grabbed her wrist and pulled her to sit across from me.

Even after sitting down, she still seemed a bit awkward and uncomfortable.

Like last time.

She was sitting perfectly fine, so why is she acting like that?

Ah, maybe it’s because Sena is here.

Well, unlike me, she’s an active noble, so it might be a bit overwhelming for her.

As if reading my thoughts, Sena picked up the teapot placed in the middle of the table.

“I’ll brew the tea today. You two can take your time chatting.”

“Oh, it’s okay! I can—”

Maid Ai, with her professional instincts kicking in, tried to stand up. I cut her off and spoke to Sena.

“Just for today, please. Sorry, Sena.”

“Not at all.”

“Uh, ah, um.”

Sena, with a sly smile, gently pushed Ai back down as she awkwardly tried to get up.

I rested my chin on my left hand, quietly observing her as she sat there, glancing around timidly. It reminded me of when we first met, bringing back a wave of nostalgia.

“This reminds me of when we first met.”

I gave her a soft, teasing smile.

“Remember? You skipped afternoon classes and ran into me while cleaning.”

“That was skipping class…? I thought you left early because you weren’t feeling well.”

“You thought too highly of me. Every time we ran into each other, I was actually skipping.”

Unintentionally confronted with the truth, Ai’s expression turned a bit blank. She seemed to realize she had worried for nothing.

“Your appearance is deceiving. If you just keep your mouth shut, you look so kind.”

“I get that a lot. The problem is, the moment I open my mouth, it all falls apart.”

It must have been pretty bad, given how everyone always looked so fed up. Honestly, I don’t think it was *that* bad.

Her grumbling was so cute that I couldn’t help but laugh before continuing.

“Anyway, I was really surprised at first. The door I definitely locked was open. I had no reason to expect anyone to visit me. In that situation, what else would I think of besides a robber or a thief?”

“You were really shocked. Honestly, I think it was understandable. I was a bit flustered back then, so I ended up scolding you instead of comforting you.”

“There was actually a robber who thought like that.”

“…Was that robber you?”

I smiled faintly at her flustered expression.

The small kindnesses Maid Ai had shown me began to sprout in my heart. She seemed burdened by my attitude, but to me, it felt lacking.

That incident was the first act of kindness I accepted after becoming a princess. Of course, it held a special meaning for me. Maybe it was even the reason I kept clinging to life, despite wanting to die so many times.

I tried to express, even if inadequately, the weight she held in my heart.

“Yeah, turns out the robber was a robber, but a very kind one. A stubborn, considerate robber who melted my frozen heart.”

Ai’s mouth slightly opened at my unexpectedly sentimental words.

Just then, three teacups were placed on the table. Sena, with skilled hands, tilted the teapot and poured the red tea.

“Here’s some black tea.”

“Thank you.”

“Ah, th-thank you.”

I took a sip from my teacup and, matching the calm atmosphere, brought up the main topic.

“I heard the news. You’re leaving, Mari.”

“…You heard.”

“Yeah, it was sudden, so I was a bit surprised. I wondered if something had happened.”

When Sena mentioned it, I brushed it off as impolite, but I couldn’t help but think the same. I just thought there was no need to imagine the worst without any concrete information.

Still, my thoughts couldn’t help but drift in a negative direction. This is an academy overflowing with nobles, and Mari is a commoner.

“It might be just my imagination, but I’ve received so much help from you. So, if something’s wrong, I want to help.”

“Of course, I’ll help too. Unlike the princess, I’m a noble, so I can offer more practical assistance.”

Isn’t it a bit odd to be called ‘princess’ but not be a noble?

Anyway, hearing our sincere pleas, Mari blinked a few times before speaking awkwardly.

“Well, you’ve made this such a serious moment, it’s really hard to say this but…”

A slight blush spread across her cheeks. She must have been embarrassed.

“I’m actually moving to a better job. A young master I was close to as a child has become the lord of our hometown… and he called for me. My parents and younger siblings also asked me to come back, so I couldn’t refuse.”

“…I see.”

It was an anticlimactic truth compared to what we had worried about, but I couldn’t help but feel relieved.

I smiled brightly and said, “That’s great. Congratulations.”

“Thank you…”

“So, when are you leaving?”

“Probably the day after the Thanksgiving Festival. They said they’re short-handed until then, so I’ll help out until then.”

If it’s the last day of the Thanksgiving Festival, there’s only a little over a month left.

In a month, Mari will be gone too. I probably won’t see her again.

I could visit her after graduation, but I’ll be dead by then.

“Not much time left.”

Should I move up the schedule?

Saying goodbye to the departing girl and dying the next day wouldn’t be so bad.

Thinking about it, all this extra time with Sena is just my own greed. The deeper the relationship, the more regrets I’ll have. My obsession with a normal life and friends has twisted everything.

As my worries about Mari faded, my excited mind cooled down. The faces of the people I’ve distorted flashed through my mind.

I was really selfish.

What am I even doing? If I’m going to die anyway, I should leave quickly.

I made up my mind.