Chapter 47

Ariana is dead.

Just before, she was chatting away like nothing was wrong, but now that she’s gone, it doesn’t feel real.

It was almost like I could still pretend she was alive until her body completely crumbled.

To me, she was a strong person, in both good and bad ways.

She was so fierce and powerful that it’s hard to even imagine her as a lifeless image.

So, of course, it’s hard to believe that the pathetic pile of dust sweeping across my floor was Ariana just five minutes ago.

I scattered the dust with my hand.

It floated in the air, blurring my vision.

“…Isn’t it weird to believe it?”

I wasn’t sad.

I probably won’t spend days and nights crying like I did when Kristina and Raymond died.

After all, she wasn’t someone I considered precious anymore.

But I couldn’t help feeling empty.

Even if she wasn’t precious now, the weight she held in my short life was greater than anyone else’s.

Again, in both good and bad ways.

Thinking back, when I realized I had misunderstood her because of the professor’s revelation, I cried in agony.

Why did I do that?

Why don’t I feel that way now?

I don’t know.

My emotions are so erratic and unpredictable that I can’t even figure out what I’m feeling right now.

Am I mourning her death?

Am I resentful that she didn’t pay for her sins?

Am I crying out of pity for her?

Or am I still so full of hatred that I’m angry?

One thing’s for sure: I’m not happy.

If I truly hated her, I would’ve been glad she died first.

The only emotion that reminded me the fact I confirmed just before her death wasn’t a delusion was relief.

I found myself unconsciously relieved.

Then, even if I can’t sincerely mourn her, I can at least say goodbye.

I’ve thanked her before, so what’s so hard about a farewell?

Carefully, I gathered the scattered dust, making sure it didn’t mix with the professor’s.

Then, I slowly closed my eyes.

Goodbye.

I won’t forget you.

What meaning do words have for someone already dead and gone?

I just repeated it in my head, hoping it would reach her soul, wherever it had gone.

…Is this how it’s supposed to be?

I felt my eyes slightly dampen.

I felt a little annoyed at myself for being glad I could still shed tears for her.

“I don’t regret it…”

I know.

***

The Health Teacher arrived about 30 minutes later.

As soon as she entered the room, she scanned the area and spoke to me, the only one still alive.

“Alberang… where’s Wharton?”

Silently, I pointed to the pile of dust.

I believed she’d understand.

Sure enough, the teacher’s expression darkened.

“…So that’s how it ended.”

She sighed and flicked her fingers.

Formless magic emanated from her, spreading across the dusty floor, and in an instant, flames erupted.

The dust burned away in a flash.

The last traces of their existence in this world were gone.

The way she burned the messy room and the remaining traces clearly showed her intent to clean up quickly.

But I don’t think that’s all there was to it.

After all, even in this world, there’s a cremation culture.

It’s just what the lower class, who can’t even secure burial grounds, resort to for disposing of bodies.

It’s not like there’s a distinction between worthless corpses and noble ones.

When you’re dead, you’re all the same.

Burial and cremation are essentially no different.

It’s about covering the degraded form of the vessel the soul has left and giving meaning to the remaining traces—graves and ashes.

So, the teacher’s actions were a form of respect for the dead.

Even if no ashes remained and there was no common eulogy, it was still a dry act of respect.

I comforted myself like that.

I don’t know why, but if I didn’t, I felt like I’d get angry.

“Patient… no, Remia.”

In the midst of it all, I lifted my head at the sound of her calling me.

“Did Wharton ask you to tell me anything?”

“…If you mean that you’d tell me everything she’d been hiding, then yes.”

“I see.

Then I have a lot to say.”

After a moment of silence, as if organizing her thoughts, she soon began to speak.

I had guessed there were many things hidden, but it wasn’t something I could take lightly.

The fact that her parents’ rebel group was still maintaining its strength was the peak of it all.

Is the Empire incompetent, or were they just more capable than anyone thought?

Either way, I’m glad they’re still alive and well.

Right after, when she cautiously mentioned that they had abandoned me, it wasn’t really surprising since I already knew.

Of course, even if it wasn’t surprising, it still hurt.

Being abandoned by my parents, something I had only speculated about, had now become a fact.

I guess they wouldn’t mourn me even if I died.

Right after losing someone who would remember me forever, the feeling of betrayal from those I thought would still grieve for me.

Clearly, until that day came, I had believed I was loved and loved enough.

It was a peaceful family, you know.

I don’t know how it changed in an instant.

If I ever get the chance to meet them, I want to ask why.

It’s obvious I’ll get hurt again, but still.

As their child, I should at least know why my parents abandoned me.

It’s not like I asked to be born.

Having my death decided by their hands too feels a bit, no, a lot unfair.

“Miss Wharton and I were preparing a way for you to safely escape from here.

Now that Albe is dead, the process is useless, but at least there’s no one to interfere anymore.”

After finishing her story, the Health Teacher cleared her throat, caught her breath, and reached out her hand to me, who was sitting there hesitantly.

“So, I’ll ask.

Do you want to leave the Academy right now?

If you want, I can arrange a mansion in a secluded place and make sure no one finds you.

You can even change your face, hide your identity, and start a new life in a city where no one knows your past.”

I stared blankly at her outstretched hand.

A choice I would have dreamed of intensely in the past was right in front of me.

In a way, it’s an offer that could be considered Ariana’s legacy.

No matter how you look at it, it’s all merit.

Refusing would be stupid, even disrespectful to the will of those who died for me.

She probably thought I’d happily accept and closed her eyes.

……

……Sorry. I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that the person you went through all that for is me.

“I’ll decline.”

After a moment of hesitation, I lowered the hand I had slightly raised.

The teacher’s eyes widened in surprise.

She seemed truly unprepared, unable to say anything, just opening and closing her mouth before finally asking for a reason.

“…May I ask why?”

I came to the Academy to die.

That thought, of course, hasn’t changed until now.

No, maybe it has changed a bit.

Unlike the first time when I chose death as if pushed, I’ve spent the past few months having my own time to think.

At least now I can wish for my end more soundly, of my own will.

That’s all.

Despite going through a lot and thinking a lot, I still wish for death.

That fact speaks for itself.

A clean, hopeful new life doesn’t suit me, a stranger everywhere.

I’m too worn out, too old, too tired to live each day looking forward to the future.

If Ariana had made this offer, I might have accepted, but I wouldn’t have lived a peaceful life as imagined.

“It’s too hard.”

There’s no grand reason for giving up on life.

That’s all there is to it.

“…I see.”

Hearing my answer, the Health Teacher covered her face with the hand she had extended.

She wasn’t crying.

She just seemed conflicted.

I understand.

Any saint would react the same way talking to someone like me.

She’s actually being quite noble.

At least she didn’t keep asking or try to drag me out by force.

After a while, she seemed to have collected herself and spoke in a calm voice again.

“Come to the Health Room twice a week. I’ll give you free treatment.

If there’s anything difficult or hard, talk to me.”

“Yes, thank you.”

“…If you’re thankful, you could just leave.”

“That… I’m sorry.”

“Sigh….”

With a sigh, the conversation ended.

The Health Teacher removed all the remaining magic in the room and left.

In the past few hours, three people had come and gone from the room.

Only one person left, but no one remained.

Staggering, I went to the bed and lay down.

The creaking sound came for a while and then stopped.

It was quiet.

Truly alone now.

Free from Ariana’s restraints and the organization’s pressure.

This is the state I longed for.

Why isn’t it satisfying?

Blinking at the ceiling, I deliberately opened my mouth and made a sound.

“Tomorrow, I should go to school.

I’ll go find Sena and greet her brightly.

Let’s get closer and say thank you.

She’ll surely be sad about my death.”

At least Sena is still here.

There are still a few months left until my death.

Let’s reach out first.

Let’s repay her kindness for always approaching me first.

Doing so, the hole in my heart might just fill up.

At least until I die, it surely will.

“Ahaha.”

Making such a resolution, I forcibly swallowed the tears that suddenly welled up.

Laughter spilled from my mouth.

I don’t understand why.