Chapter 45

I did something stupid.

I let my guard down, got caught off guard, and ended up cornered.

The mistakes I made weren’t just one or two, and I couldn’t even entertain the usual escape of wondering what might have been if I’d chosen differently.

I tried to rationalize it by blaming the bad situation, but looking back, there were always better options.

I roughly knew how the Princess must have felt, yet I didn’t consider it.

I just thought giving her a better future would be enough.

But for someone who couldn’t endure the present, that kind of thing meant nothing.

All I had to do was ask her what she wanted and make it happen.

It wasn’t hard at all.

What I actually did was no different from cutting off her limbs, severing her tongue, and blinding and deafening her.

Why, while claiming to act for her sake, couldn’t I even treat her like a human being?

Seeing how I rushed in to “save” her, it’s a miracle I wasn’t laughed at.

A terrible hypocrite.

Even if I don’t seek forgiveness, the sins I’ve committed don’t just disappear.

No conscience either.

Mistakes kept breeding more mistakes, like gears in a machine grinding against each other, halting all my rational judgment.

As soon as I heard the Princess had been admitted to the Health Room, I bolted out of the classroom.

It was dangerous because Arlezienne Kayan, the health officer, was Alberto’s younger sister.

I should’ve calmly observed the situation and waited for an opportunity.

No, at the very least, I shouldn’t have left in the middle of a magic lecture.

I shouldn’t have done anything suspicious right in front of Alberto.

First mistake.

I was immediately caught by him, who chased after me, and subjected to questioning and scrutiny.

Since I couldn’t push through, retreating would’ve been the best move in that situation.

But, half out of my mind with worry for the Princess, I stood up to him for the first time.

I was subdued without a chance to resist, dragged by my hair, and locked in his room.

I spent weeks being interrogated, wasting time.

Second mistake.

When Alberto disappeared somewhere, I seized the chance to escape the room.

I ran straight to the Health Room without a moment to regroup.

The hardest part of those weeks was not knowing what state the Princess was in.

I felt like I was going mad with anxiety.

For the first time, I realized how torturous it is to be completely controlled.

I was so on edge that I wanted to kill anything in my way without a second thought.

Arlezienne greeted me warmly.

Yeah, warmly.

It wasn’t the reaction I expected, and in my dazed state, she led me to sit down.

The way she casually offered coffee reminded me she wasn’t just any Kayan.

But I didn’t sense any hostility.

She said she was the one who made Alberto leave so I could escape.

When she asked me to hear her out, even for a moment, I forced my scrambled thoughts into order.

What she told me was shocking in many ways.

The Princess’s family, Adelian, had fallen, but their strong foundation still held power in the southern part of the empire.

The Duke and Duchess had moved their base to the kingdom and continued their rebellion.

So, the Princess, who had been captured, was a hostage.

A hostage kept in preparation for an all-out war.

That’s why they hastily sent her to the Academy for protection and to tame her.

Recently, the rebels, backed by the kingdom’s full support, had grown too large to be called mere rebels.

Since the organization only fed me controlled information, the shock was immense.

No, I didn’t even understand why she was telling me this.

When I asked, she replied that it was because she was a double agent.

I was dizzy.

“…So, are you helping the Princess for Duke Adelian?”

“No. He has no interest in her.”

“Why…?”

“I don’t know. I asked, but he didn’t care.

Maybe she’s been abandoned. Poor thing.”

Arlezienne gave a bitter smile.

Her downcast eyes were fixed on the door to the Princess’s room.

“The only reason I’m helping is out of pity.

I feel sorry for the unfortunate child.”

“…I see.”

I understood.

There were no other options, and I wasn’t in a position to add anything.

After all, I was helping the Princess out of purely emotional reasons—because I loved her.

We agreed to work together to safely get the Princess out of the Health Room.

First, we needed to divert Alberto’s attention so she wouldn’t be suspected.

Under our agreement, I used magic to wreck the Health Room.

It was essentially an act of terrorism in the Academy, a place even the organization wouldn’t dare touch.

Even if there was no turning back, it was still insane.

I carried her away and locked her in a room.

In my haste, I wanted to isolate her completely, but it was extreme.

It might’ve been better to send her back to her own room.

At least things wouldn’t have gotten worse than before.

Third mistake.

I didn’t explain why I locked her up.

She’d been abandoned by her parents…

If things keep going like this, even if I graduate, there’s no way to survive.

I didn’t want to pile more terrible realities onto her, who was already broken.

I foolishly convinced myself that if I alone bore the Princess’s resentment, her heart would feel at ease.

What a ridiculously stupid thought.

Having experienced the despair of being completely isolated from the outside world, I couldn’t even empathize with what the Princess must be feeling.

Looking back now, I can’t even understand myself.

Fourth mistake.

After making that decision, I lost my mind at her words and ended up violating her.

After regaining my senses, I scolded myself for last night and vowed never to do it again.

But every time I returned to the room, she would throw off her clothes and cling to me, and I consistently failed to restrain myself.

It made me realize I was a beast unworthy of being called human.

A beast who knew its place.

Too shameful to even speak of.

Fifth mistake.

I left the Princess alone for more than half the day.

It was to secretly contact Arlegienne and plan our escape.

I thought there was no worry of external intrusion because of the conceptual barrier I had set up, sacrificing my soul and lifespan.

I let my guard down, not considering Alberto’s internal power.

Sixth mistake.

And now, here we are.

I allowed an external intrusion, let the Princess walk into a trap without knowing anything, and now I’m facing a life-or-death battle with an opponent whose chances of winning are extremely slim.

My own mistakes, which I can’t blame on anyone, have created the worst possible situation.

Pressing my throbbing forehead, I barely managed to pull myself together.

In an instant, half the room was dyed white by Alberto’s magic.

“Overlap. Restraint. Transform.”

Magic, taking shape like growing plants, surged from his domain.

“Chains. Bind.”

Dozens of magical entities, compressed and hardened into masses with strength surpassing most metals, were forged into chains with hook-like ends and shot toward me.

I released my magic widely around me.

The magic, naturally forming a sphere, transformed into streams of lightning stretching toward the sky from its outer edges.

The chains and lightning collided, producing a burning smell.

Most of the chains melted away in the lightning, but some managed to break through and tried to bind me.

“Theia.”

I stretched out my hand and ignited flames.

I burned away the remaining chains and hurled lava-like fire at the professor.

“Your basic magic capacity has increased, but you still can’t utilize it properly.”

The fire turned into a white substance just before reaching him, solidifying and stopping in place.

He had intervened in my magic, altering its properties without a chant—a mad feat only possible if the skill gap wasn’t too wide.

It was clear which side had the advantage.

How could I face the Princess like this?

I promised to save her and tell her everything afterward.

I shouldn’t have made promises I couldn’t keep.

Looks like I messed up again.

“I won’t drag this out.

Out of past affection, I’ll make it painless.”

“…What a considerate gesture.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Alberto began approaching me, his entire body cloaked in white magic.

I unleashed lightning and flames to attack him, but not only did I fail to hurt him, I couldn’t even stop his advance.

I instinctively glanced at the Princess.

She had her hands together, praying to someone.

Probably wishing for my victory.

Or maybe hoping we’d die together.

That might be the best outcome for her.

If so, I must fulfill it.

Even if it means using my own life as a tool, I must grant her wish.

It’s the only atonement I can make.

And the only way to give her a future now.

I smiled faintly at Alberto.

Sensing something ominous, he stomped hard and closed the distance to me in an instant.

Sorry, but it’s already too late.

“Let’s die together.”

Wharton excels in one field more than any other magical family.

Bringing death.

That was the “use” the Emperor recognized in us.

The miracle we achieve is the death of the target.

The price is our own life.

That was enough.