Chapter 42

The sun, rising in the sky, seemed to set rapidly every time I blinked.

Having something to think about made my time alone feel unusually short, unlike usual.

Why am I even thinking about this in the first place?

In this situation, there’s only one choice left for me.

So why do I keep considering the second option, which has no merit at all?

Two possibilities come to mind about what might happen if I don’t escape:

Either I’ll be imprisoned until graduation,

or someone from the outside will find a way to come in and expel me.

Even if it’s the former, choosing that option would still lead to disaster, as it’s almost certain I’d eventually return to the organization.

The one thing I had left—the right to choose death, which at least allowed me to call myself a doll—would be taken away, and I’d revert to being a corpse again.

I’d rather die than let that happen.

And yet.

Why.

Am I still hesitating?

Maybe it’s because of the strange unease I feel about the professor.

Maybe it’s because I’ve grown close to Ariana and don’t want to part ways.

Maybe it’s because I’ve started to feel disillusioned with the Academy, even if it’s not as bad as the organization.

But even if all those reasons apply,

if I think about who I’ve been and what I’ve thought until now, there’s no way I’d conclude that I want to stay imprisoned.

I despised it, suffered, and wanted to die.

Could all of that have been a lie?

I’m confused, wondering if I’ve been deceiving myself all along.

I can’t even figure out why I’m acting like this, so how must Ariana or Sena feel?

I thought the most efficient way to deal with such an annoyingly troublesome person like me would be Hans’s approach.

Right after that thought, my temple throbbed as if in protest.

I furrowed my brow and pressed hard on the spot where the pain was rising.

I suppressed it, silenced it.

I couldn’t entrust my future to some inexplicable impulse.

“…Yeah, I’ll leave. I’m going to leave.”

The conclusion I reached was, of course, escape.

It was the second active choice I’d made since entering this body.

Sorry, Ariana.

But you won’t blame me, right?

After all, half of it is your fault.

If you had told me everything from the start,

if you had at least left these damn handcuffs unlocked,

maybe the decision I’d make would have been a little different.

It might have been similar, but still.

I wouldn’t have ended up thinking of you as an irredeemable villain and leaving without a word.

Yeah, in my mind, you’re almost on the same level as the people from the organization.

I don’t wish for your death, but I don’t want you to live a perfectly happy life either.

You didn’t tell me anything, so I had no choice but to think whatever I wanted, right?

Consider this part of that and be generous in understanding.

If you can’t understand, then at least try to regret it.

Stare at the empty space I left behind and reflect on what you’ve done.

We could have been so much better.

We had enough time and built enough of a relationship for that.

But because of you.

“…You bitch.”

Yeah, it’s because of you.

The choice I made. The actions I’ll take.

It’s all because of you.

So.

“I’m not at fault.”

Right, Princess?

…….

No answer came back.

Of course not.

The Princess was no longer in my head.

Why?

I don’t wish for your death, but I want you to die.

I’d help you if you were in danger, but I want you to be in trouble.

I don’t want to see you cry, but I want you to be sad.

Why?

I want to be with you, but I want to escape from you.

I want to have sex with you, but the thought of having sex with you terrifies me.

I like you, but I hate you.

Why?

Surely this head full of contradictions, colliding head-on, was formed because of the Princess.

But if I’m like this even when the Princess is gone, then what’s the reason?

No, did the Princess even exist in the first place?

It’s strange.

Even though I acknowledged that both were me, I ended up separating and viewing them differently.

I was almost consumed by the escape I had prepared from the beginning.

Even though I knew that my attitude toward Ariana kept changing because of the opposite emotions I felt every time I saw her,

I thought it was okay because one side belonged to the Princess, so I only hated her.

If neither side was the real emotion, but both were real, then am I admiring, despising, longing for, hating, loving, and envying her?

I let out a hollow laugh.

I must be really crazy.

Even love and hate have their limits.

This is just a mentally ill lunatic.

I thought I had washed away all the strange affection I felt the day we took drugs together, but it seems like it remained deep in my heart, slowly eating away at me.

Otherwise,

there’s no way I could have thought, in my right mind, that I liked Ariana.

“Ha.”

If I wasn’t going to realize it, I should’ve stayed oblivious until the end.

Why did I have to realize it right before leaving, making my head even more complicated?

I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the wall.

I understood why my head hurt, but I still had no idea how to solve it.

Staying by her side…

There was no choice but to escape the capital.

“…Still, I have to leave.”

So, I decided to escape for now.

It’s not like Ariana would die just because I escaped.

As long as I don’t die, there will always be a chance.

And I’m sure I’ll get a chance to sort out this tangled mess in my head.

That’s how it should be.

Yeah, that’s how it’ll be.

I truly believed it would be like that.

But the sense of loss that hit me when I thought it was all over was more painful than I expected.

I had no choice but to believe.

***

While holding onto a piece of metal and passing the time, Ariana returned before I knew it.

For some reason, she looked brighter than usual.

Did something good happen?

I smiled slightly and opened my mouth.

I couldn’t let her see I was nervous.

“Did something good happen?”

“Yes! It looks like the headache-inducing issue is finally getting resolved.”

“…That’s good.”

It definitely felt like things were okay.

But the expression I thought I had perfectly crafted shattered seconds later when Ariana spoke.

“I might be able to release you soon. If that happens, well…

It might be hard to stay at the Academy, but would you like to live together somewhere in the countryside?”

I barely managed to suppress the urge to scream.

Stop.

Don’t.

I just made up my mind.

And now you’re saying you’ll let me go?

You’re saying you never planned to send me back to the organization after graduation?

You’re saying you intended to take responsibility for me until the end?

I don’t want to hear that.

You have to be the bad one.

Even if I can’t see your true intentions, at least your actions should be undeniably villainous.

That’s how it has to be.

That’s how it has to be, for me.

“I’ve saved up quite a bit of money, so even if it’s not luxurious, we won’t be lacking.

It wouldn’t be bad to live a quiet life together, tending to a small field or something… Ah.”

Ariana, who had been smiling and rambling on, suddenly froze when she saw my expression.

I must’ve looked completely twisted.

It wasn’t surprising.

I wasn’t in a state to control it.

If you understand, just stop talking.

I can barely hold it together right now.

“Of course, I thought you’d refuse.

It was just a hopeful thought… If you want, I can arrange a house and servants for you… Princess?”

…Please.

Instead of stopping, her considerate words kept coming, and I couldn’t just sit still.

I covered my ears and lowered my head.

I don’t dislike you that much.

Living together wouldn’t be bad.

If it’s not the Academy or the organization, anything would be fine.

It’s all good, so let’s talk about it later.

We still have plenty of time, right?

I’m not trying to kill you right now, so it’ll be fine, surely.

This won’t be the last time, and we’ll definitely have time to talk again.

Living in a quiet place, laughing off these painful memories as just a small part of our happy days.

It’ll surely come.

So.

Sorry.

I’m sorry.

I like you.

“Princess, are you okay…?

If you’re feeling unwell, I can get some medicine—”

“…I’m fine.

I’m just feeling a little stuffy.

Could you unlock the handcuffs?”

“Ah, yes! Just a moment.”

When I raised my head and relaxed my expression, Ariana finally smiled in relief.

I pressed down the fluttering in my chest.

Hold it together.

You need to focus right now.

If you get caught, neither of us will make it.

As she approached to unlock the cuffs, I held the Copying Magic Tool between my index finger and thumb.

I hid it behind my hand so she couldn’t see and lightly brushed it against the key as she turned it.

Despite the tension, the process was surprisingly simple.

Ariana didn’t notice at all, still humming a tune.

The sensation of the melted metal transforming into the shape of a key.

The key to my restraints was now in my hand.

In just three seconds.

***

After that, nothing much happened.

We exchanged trivial conversations as usual, tangled together through the night, and fell asleep holding each other.

The next day, Ariana woke up at the usual time, locked my handcuffs, and left the room.

I took the key I had hidden by the pillow and unlocked the cuffs.

As the professor had said, the door was open.

All I had to do was turn the knob and push.

It was so easy that it didn’t even feel like I had escaped.

“…What is this?”

The hallway was empty, so my worry about running into Ariana didn’t come true.

I felt strange.

A little too much.

***