Chapter 39

Fortunately, as I initially mentioned, I wasn’t tied up 24/7.

They’d uncuff me when I needed to use the bathroom or eat. Sometimes, under Ariana’s watch, I was even allowed to wander freely around the room.

Of course, even with all that aside, Ariana never let me step outside the room. She acted like I was some premature baby who’d drop dead the moment I left the incubator, as if stepping even a foot out of her sight would spell disaster.

It was practically pathological obsession.

Sometimes, when she had to leave the room, she’d tighten the cuffs so I couldn’t move an inch. And then she’d look at me with those guilt-ridden eyes, which was just so damn annoying.

No one came looking for me, so I guess she must’ve explained something to the professors. Keeping me locked up until graduation seemed to be her genuine plan.

Is this what it feels like to wither away? Sitting hunched in a corner of a room where sunlight barely reaches, burying my face in my knees, I started doubting my own existence.

I’m as useful as a corpse, but my maintenance costs are dozens of times higher than just burying one. Tied to a bed, fed meals, given medication when I’m sick, and even having my mental health monitored to prevent suicide. At this point, I’m worse than a corpse.

“Ah, but I do have one use.”

Unintentionally, I realized Ariana seemed to have a sexual interest in me. It was hard not to notice her reactions when we bathed together or lay side by side.

Sometimes, I’d even catch her masturbating with her back turned. She probably thought I was asleep, but lately, I’ve been in such a light sleep that her moaning would wake me up.

I don’t know how she ended up liking someone like me. Maybe she’s just a lesbian who feels sexual desire toward the woman she’s living with. Either way, if she finds me attractive, then I guess I have at least one use.

Rather than hiding and doing it alone, I wish she’d just direct it at me. I don’t like it, but even so, it’s better than this monotonous, corpse-like existence.

It’s not like I’m being pinned down by some hairy, pot-bellied guy. Being handled by someone as outwardly radiant as Ariana is a hundred times better. Yeah, I can endure it. Totally.

Just then, the door opened, and Ariana returned after leaving earlier in the morning. I smiled brightly, ready to share my conclusion with her.

“You seem to be in a good mood. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you smile. Did you think of something funny?”

“Ariana, do you want to have sex with me?”

“…What?”

She looked at me, bewildered, as if doubting her own ears. I laughed again, seeing her flustered expression mixed with a hint of excitement. But as soon as she saw my smile, her eyes settled back into their usual calm.

I must’ve looked insane to her. After acting like a lifeless zombie, suddenly smiling and saying something like this would make anyone think I’m crazy. But hey, I mean it. It’s something I thought about carefully.

“You don’t like that kind of thing, do you? Why suddenly?”

“If it’s you, it’s fine. Ariana, do you dislike me?”

“…Of course, I like you. But.”

“Then there’s no problem. Come here. I’ve been with a woman a long time ago. I’ll take the lead.”

I smirked and extended my hand, the cuffs clinking. I planned to pull her in and kiss her if she took it.

But Ariana just stared at my outstretched hand for a long time, not making a move to take it. I waved my hand slightly, urging her, and only then did she open her mouth.

“Princess.”

“What are you doing? Hurry up and come here.”

“…You’re trembling. Don’t push yourself.”

Hearing that, I looked down at my hand and saw it shaking like I had a tremor.

It wasn’t just my hand. My whole body was trembling intermittently, like someone terrified. It was pitiful to see. I don’t like this, but can’t my body just behave for once? It never listens to me.

As I tried to calm the shaking by gripping my wrist, Ariana sighed as if to say, “Of course.”

Heh, this is a problem. Now I’m getting stubborn.

“Why are you so desperate to hurt yourself? First, it was your body, and now it’s your mind? Offering yourself to someone you dislike like this is beyond nonsense.”

“But I like you.”

“I like you too. That’s why I don’t want you to get hurt—”

“You love me. You’re turned on. You want to have me.”

“—Huh?”

Ah, I flustered her.

I shouldn’t feel this way, but I kind of enjoyed it.

“H-how did you…?”

“Did you really think I wouldn’t notice? You’ve been so obvious. I’ve seen you treat me like your plaything multiple times. Don’t even think about denying it.”

“Ah, uh… hmm…”

I reached out and grabbed Ariana’s shoulder as her face turned beet red and she bowed her head. She followed my lead, and we were now face-to-face, less than a hand’s width apart.

As expected, she was getting excited, her breath hot against my cheek.

See, you’ve already had me hundreds of times in your head, so why do you act like this in front of me? Be honest with your body. Stop pretending to be pure and follow your instincts.

“So, stop lying to yourself. You want it, don’t you? The person you want to pin down right now is offering herself to you, so why refuse? Did you turn into some shy guy just because you’re a lesbian?”

“I-I! I locked you up to protect you, not to rape you! Don’t taint my intentions. It was pure, good-willed, just—”

Yeah, good-willed, sure. Locking someone up and not laying a finger on them. Only someone truly selfless could do that.

But just because it’s good-willed doesn’t mean the other side is pure. There’s a reason you went to such lengths for me, isn’t there? Probably because you like me.

…You know what, Ariana?

The moment you snapped, you lost. There’s a saying that strong denial is affirmation. You’ve admitted, whether big or small, that there’s sexual desire for me beneath your good intentions.

I wiped the smile off my face.

“Ha, good-willed my ass. You’ve been looking at me with sexual eyes for a long time, so don’t bother sugarcoating it. Back in my hometown, there’s a term called ‘visual rape.’ Ah, you probably don’t know that.”

“I can’t say I didn’t have sexual thoughts, but I held back.”

“Even if I lose to my instincts, I didn’t show it!”

“Is that so? You did well. You don’t have to hold back anymore, so come on, ugh…”

“Don’t try to act natural…!”

In the heat of the moment, I tried to sneak a kiss, but I was pushed away at the last second and ended up sprawled on the bed.

Even though my head was spinning, she somehow sensed it like a ghost. She sat right at the edge of the bed, legs tightly closed, face flushed, and breathing heavily for a while now.

Fidgeting and twitching, she clearly looked like someone holding back.

It seemed like she was already at her limit. What was she struggling so hard to suppress?

“If you handle me too roughly, it hurts. I’m still a patient, you know.”

“…Ah, right. Sorry, I panicked… I shouldn’t have done that…”

Regret was visible in her eyes as they started to dim. This is when not stopping and pushing through works best, but, ugh.

After a brief moment of hesitation, I stretched out and raised my arms, striking a pose that emphasized certain areas. Would she like this? Well, *I* liked it. Though I’m too skinny to have much to show, the way she kept glancing over seemed to suggest it was working.

Guess she has a thing for the skinny or fragile type. That explains why she likes me.

“A patient seducing a doctor? Where does that happen…”

“I was just stretching! Hmph.”

She smirked, and Ariana sighed, pressing her temples. Then, she undid my handcuffs and climbed onto the bed, sitting across from me.

I thought she might finally be in the mood, but instead, she started lecturing me, tapping the bedsheet.

“…Whether it’s an animal or a human, sexual desire exists the same. It’s because we don’t express it casually that we’re called humans! If you’d just left it alone, I could’ve held back until the end… But no, you had to go and lose it over one kiss…”

“Ah, I see. I get what you’re trying to say. You lock someone up, drive them crazy, and then say you can’t go all the way? Right? Saintly of you, really saintly.”

If you’re going to drive me crazy like this, you should be ready to handle whatever I do. Why can’t you see that hitting me would be more helpful than just leaving me like this? This side of Ariana always feels so hypocritical.

It’s not even rape, is it? I’m the one pushing for it, so if anything, it’s reverse rape.

“Both of us being women is kind of annoying, but let’s just get undressed. I’ll go first, okay? How about it? I’m skinny, but I still have some feminine charm, right?”

“…Stop.”

I couldn’t think straight anymore, so with my hands free, I started unbuttoning my shirt. Holding the fabric tightly, I slowly slid it down my shoulders. Ariana twitched with every small movement, which was hilarious.

Actions speak louder than words, after all. She’s the one who undid my restraints. Doesn’t that mean she’s already agreed to this? If she really didn’t want it, she would’ve tied me up tighter, not set me free.

Maybe she’s into being the one pursued? That’s a bit too kinky for my taste.

Well, what can I do? The one who’s eager has to put in the effort. I crawled toward Ariana, half-undressed.

“See? You’re at your limit, aren’t you? It’s hard to hold back. You’ve been suffering alone, so now it’s okay to take it out on me. I’ll allow it.”

I hugged her tightly, burying my face in her chest. Despite the height difference, it felt comfortable. Her heartbeat pounded in my ears, and her breathing was getting worryingly shallow. I’d probably pass out if I were her, but she seemed fine.

“Please stop… Why are you doing this to me…?”

“…Why? I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m just giving you what you want, with your permission.”

She was almost sobbing, so I asked, genuinely curious. I’d already admitted I was turned on—what reason did she have left to refuse?

Even if she’s worried about me, it feels a bit excessive. She didn’t hesitate to lock me up, but when it comes to this…

“I don’t want to regret it… I want to remain the person who lived selflessly for you…”

Ah.

So that’s what she was worried about.

I smirked.

You should’ve told me earlier. I’ve had the answer ready for a while now.

“It’s already too late, you idiot.”

That seemed to be the signal.

Like a cog slipping out of place, Ariana, who had been staring at me blankly, blinked slowly a couple of times. Her expression, which had been dazed, started to look dangerous as her mouth closed. Her eyes were completely unhinged, and honestly, it was scary.

Maybe I overstimulated her. But since it’s her first time, I hope she’ll be gentle.

I instinctively tried to pull back, but her hand gripped my arm tightly. I gave up trying to break free—it hurt too much.

“Is that so?”

A small murmur.

“That’s how it is.”

A voice filled with conviction.

She wrapped her arms around me, crushing me in a tight embrace, and leaned forward, pinning me down. My clothes naturally came undone, and her lips met mine, her warmth flooding in.

Her right hand gently stroked my lower abdomen, slipping inside my underwear. Her left hand flicked my bra and began to play with the curves beneath.

To put it bluntly, that’s how it went.

The rest of the night followed similarly, and I didn’t get a wink of sleep.

She was rougher than I expected. How much had she been holding back? It was almost humiliating how close I came to begging by the end.

I cried all night.

Up and down.