Chapter 36

When I shook my head, the Health Teacher blinked as if they had seen something unexpected.

Then, they put a finger to their lips and started muttering seriously.

“…Are you lacking oxygen to your brain? Is there a problem with your respiratory connection?”

What are they even talking about?

When I gave them a pitiful look, they finally gestured to Sena. What does this person think they know about me, acting all familiar since earlier?

If it weren’t for Sena, I would’ve refused. It felt a bit annoying to be so easily read.

“No, I just thought you wouldn’t do that… Well, it doesn’t matter anyway.”

Sena, who hesitantly entered the room, glanced at the teacher still sitting in the chair at the back, legs crossed.

That person looks unnecessarily old-fashioned. Just being there makes their presence known, and it’s irritating.

“…Are you planning to stay here the whole time?”

“Why? I’m the patient’s attending physician. I’ll stay quiet, so don’t mind me.”

Sena, unable to say anything more, turned her gaze toward me.

Her once calm eyes suddenly darkened. She pulled a chair near the bed and sat down, exuding a gloomy aura.

“Well, I said we’d meet often, but I didn’t think it’d be so soon. And in a place like this.”

Yeah, honestly, I didn’t expect you to come. I thought Ariana would be the first to rush over. What’s she doing that’s making her late?

“…How did it come to this? If it’s my fault, I’d feel a bit sad. Maybe I should’ve carried you instead of just covering you with a blanket.”

Well.

It was already falling apart bit by bit, so what happened yesterday wouldn’t have changed the outcome. I was just forcing myself to look away. I kept telling myself it was always like this, that it would just keep creaking but never break.

I wanted to say that, but I couldn’t, so I just blinked.

Sena, realizing the awkwardness of the situation, turned to the Health Teacher and called for help.

“…Hey, is there no way to fix this?”

“Ugh, seriously. Annoying.”

Frowning, the teacher rummaged through a shelf and handed me a pen.

Then, she sat next to Sena and held a board in front of me. It seemed like a considerate gesture, given that using both hands was difficult for me.

“Can you move your right arm? Write here.”

My right hand trembled slightly, but it wasn’t impossible to write.

I slowly moved my hand to fill the board. Keeping it short since writing too much was tiring.

[It’s not Sena’s fault. I was just careless, as usual.]

Of course, the handwriting wasn’t as neat as usual, crooked like a child’s.

I thought she might laugh at it, but Sena seemed more concerned about my trembling hand. Her pitying gaze stung my fingertips. She always gets soft when it comes to me, as if she’s my mother or something.

“You speak well. Or should I say, write well?”

[…Are you mocking me?]

“Not at all. I just feel… sorry. Does it still hurt a lot?”

Sena’s calm gaze followed the tubes connected to my body. There were about five or six packs—definitely a lot. They make me look even more like a patient.

It doesn’t hurt as much as before, so it feels a bit exaggerated, but I guess I’m the type who doesn’t feel a sense of crisis unless I physically feel it.

[I’m fine now. The painkillers are working.]

“Is that so, really?”

“…No? It’s not like they’ll work anyway.”

Sena’s eyes sharpened again.

Can’t you just play along? You’re really not helping at all. I shot her a slightly resentful look, and she just chuckled as if to say, “How childish.”

“You’re always like this. I can’t trust anything you say about yourself.”

[The pain really has lessened.]

“Then it’s worse. If your condition hasn’t improved but the pain has lessened.”

[Why don’t you just leave?]

“No. Listening to you, I feel like I need to act as a translator.”

I should’ve sent her away earlier. She’s more meddlesome than I thought.

In the end, it only deepened Sena’s distrust of me. Feeling suddenly exhausted, I closed my eyes and sighed. Sena’s voice softened, as if she interpreted my sigh in some way.

It doesn’t hurt. Not that much.

“…If it’s not my fault, did you have a chronic illness? Was your usual health condition because of that?”

[Maybe. Honestly, I don’t know much about my own body. This is the first time I’ve even been diagnosed.]

“I’m not an expert in medicine, but I can tell you’re indifferent to your own health.”

[I’m usually fine, though.]

“No. I should’ve dragged you to the Health Room the moment we met. I’d have risked being hated.”

If we had done that back then, we wouldn’t have grown this close.

Whether I thought so or not, the two surprisingly compatible caretakers started exchanging regrets about it.

“That’s right. If we had come earlier, we could’ve found a way to improve things faster. It’s a shame.”

“…Is it that bad?”

“It’s not good. If we left it as it was, you’d have died in about a month.”

Sena’s face turned pale. It must’ve been shocking for her.

What’s so shocking about someone who’s going to die anyway dying a bit earlier? She probably thinks that if we keep trying, things will get better, but unfortunately, I don’t have such a hopeful future.

“You used insight magic and still didn’t know…? What do we do? I’m starting to feel suicidal.”

[Why? Don’t die.]

“…If you get better, maybe I won’t have to die.”

[Goodbye. Sena, you were a good person.]

“You’re giving up too fast…”

It’s impossible.

Giving up quickly is the survival tactic of the weak.

I know Sena won’t die, though. She doesn’t have the same feelings as someone like me. No matter how desperate the situation, she’ll find a way without giving up—a bright, optimistic person.

If anything, Ariana is more like me. From her mask to her personality, her prickly attitude, and even her soft interior—there are too many similarities.

So, it’s a bit unfair. Honestly, I’d rather go back to my room right now. Isn’t it praiseworthy that I’m even staying here?

I wrote down those thoughts.

[You came, even if it was late. It’s not like I want to die.]

“Yeah, you came. After collapsing and being found by the maid, you were brought here.”

[The process doesn’t matter, I think.]

“It matters!”

Her sharp voice made me flinch. The vibration seemed to echo inside my head.

Please don’t make such loud noises. My senses are too sensitive right now.

Looking at Sena with that mindset, even I was surprised, and my head dropped.

She whispered a small apology.

I didn’t even ask for an apology.

Until Sena opened her mouth again, silence lingered in the hospital room.

“…Can I get better?”

I’m a little curious about that.

If there’s no hope at all, it might actually be easier.

Hearing Sena’s question, the Health Teacher nodded.

Seems like they’re not going to give me the answer I want.

“Sure. Now that you’re here, I won’t let you die. The hospitalization period will be long, though.”

[…How long are we talking?]

“At least… half a year.

If the prognosis doesn’t look good, it might get longer.”

Half a year.

I couldn’t help but let out a hollow laugh.

If it’s going to be like this, a one-month death sentence would’ve been better.

I’ll be stuck in the Health Room for that long.

And since the professor paid for everything, I can’t even use the excuse of not having money.

This is the worst situation for me.

I didn’t want to just let it slide, so I quickly moved my hand.

[Is there any way to substitute with periodic visits?]

“No way.” “Of course not.”

The overlapping voices of refusal sounded even more firm.

At this point, can’t you just understand?

I might die before the treatment even ends.

I clenched my hand again.

[Long-term hospitalization is too much.

I have personal circumstances, and it’s complicated.]

“Wharton? That woman said she can’t be hospitalized?

If that’s the case, don’t worry. I’ll kill her and come back.”

[No, it’s not that, so don’t kill her.]

Why are they jumping to such wild conclusions?

I quickly denied it because I didn’t want to see two people close to me killing each other.

“…Then what is it?

Give me a proper explanation.”

I thought about how to respond for a moment, then decided to just write the truth.

I’m tired of making excuses.

Maybe it’s okay to live honestly.

They won’t believe me even if I lie anyway.

[It’s hard.]

“…?”

[It’s hard to live elsewhere. Really hard.]

“…Why.”

[Do you want to know?]

“…I think I get it.”

Sena’s eyes filled with tears again, and she frowned deeply before bowing her head.

I get a similar reaction every time I say something like this.

So, you’ve met someone like me before.

Who was it?

At your age, probably family.

Given the severe trauma and obsession, it probably didn’t end well.

…They must’ve committed suicide, huh.

With one simple deduction, it felt like the gears that were out of place suddenly clicked.

I’m really sorry to say this, but I think that’s not so bad either.

“Sorry, but no.

The current timeframe is already the minimum.

Discharging you in your condition would be suicidal.”

[Then, can I ask for one favor?]

“Go ahead.”

[I have a hobby of origami.

Can you bring me some paper, scissors, and glue?]

“That much is fine… What’s wrong?”

Sena grabbed the Health Teacher’s arm so tightly it looked like it might break.

Her eyes, though filled with moisture, were bloodshot and glaring.

Her whole body was trembling, and she was breathing heavily, clearly hitting a nerve.

Is this how I look to others?

Not a pretty sight, huh.

I narrowed my eyes and moved my pen.

I didn’t feel the need to comfort her.

Instead, I wanted to dig into the wound and make it hurt more.

Turns out, I’d do the same if I were in her position.

What’s there not to understand about this?

“Ah, no… you can’t….”

[Sena.]

“No… absolutely not….”

[Sena. Can’t I? I’ve already compromised.]

“…….”

[If you don’t give me something to hold onto, I might really do something crazy.]

I might just die.

Honestly, if you’re willing to endure a little pain, it’s not that hard.

“Why is it.

Why only that.”

[Because there’s nothing else.

There’s only one option, so what else can I do?]

“Ha, haha… huu, ugh… it’s too late….”

It’s been too late for a while now.

But don’t worry, it’s not your fault.

The Duke was already too late from the day I last saw Hans with her.

If Sena has any sin, it’s just the misfortune of running into me, covered in blood.

It’s a bit too pitiful to blame her for just that.

“So, what’s the conclusion? Can’t I give it to her?”

Sena started sobbing again, and I just stared blankly.

The Health Teacher, who had been rolling their eyes between us, spoke in a tone that didn’t match the heavy atmosphere.

“…….”

“I’ll make sure it doesn’t get worse, so don’t worry.”

Then, they added calmly.

Hearing that, Sena, who had been silent, lifted her head and looked at the teacher.

I never mentioned self-harm, but they must’ve figured it out.

They don’t seem to have any intention of stopping me.

Should I be grateful for this?

“…If you knew, you should’ve stopped me.”

“As long as you don’t die, it’s fine.

Everyone needs a place to escape to.”

“You’re insane.”

“I think so too.”

Sena’s gaze, which looked like she was staring at a madman, wasn’t directed at me, but it still hurt.

Yet, the teacher didn’t seem to care at all.

Just calmly agreeing.

They’re oddly self-aware.

“But, I’m the only one who can heal Remia.

Only a mad person can understand another mad person.”

The added remark was even more absurd.

Because it’s all true.

Not a single thing they said was wrong, to the point where it’s almost annoying.

Sena’s frozen expression, mouth slightly open, said it all.

I guess I’ve met a rather unique, strange, and pragmatic doctor.

Even though I don’t particularly like them, the implicit permission made me feel at ease.

Yeah.

This is right.

This way, I won’t die.

Because I’m too scared of dying to let go.

It’s easy to manage, and it’s strange that the Health Teacher I met today is the first to realize this.

Only a mad person can understand another mad person.

That’s a hundred percent true.