Chapter 13

That day was strangely uneventful.

Normally, the commoners would have come during breaks to pick fights.

The trash that would fly over during class and poke me.

Ariana, who would always show up during breakfast and lunch to torture me.

But today, it was as if they had all conspired—no one approached me.

I could feel the occasional dissatisfied glances from the commoners, but that was it.

Maybe this was Ariana’s doing.

Perhaps, before she unleashes some grand scheme, she’s giving me a final moment of peace.

Should I thank her for the consideration?

Or should I call her cruel for this kind of pacing?

Maybe she’s just messing with me.

Throwing me off by disrupting my rhythm, making it hard to adapt.

I don’t know which it is, but I have to admit, it’s effective.

The things I thought had become part of my daily life suddenly disappeared, and now I can’t stop thinking about them.

It’s gnawing at my mental strength, and it’s honestly quite torturous.

When will it happen next? How much effort does this torture require that it’s making me feel this way?

I’m getting unnecessarily anxious.

A part of me feels empty, and everything seems strangely meaningless.

While lost in these thoughts, a sentence suddenly flashed through my mind.

“The thoughts I’m having right now… I sound like someone who’s actually missing it.”

…Huh? What’s this?

I don’t know why, but could it be that I didn’t hate Ariana’s torture as much as I thought?

“…Ah, haha. I must be going crazy.”

I shook my head vigorously.

My slightly dazed mind snapped back to reality.

Absolutely not.

Even now, when I recall the memories of the torture, my body trembles.

I still hate pain, and aside from pity, I feel more hostility than goodwill.

The water, electricity, awls, and tubes were all absolutely the worst.

It was so unbearable that I wanted to die on the spot.

Crucially, the princess hates Ariana so much that she wants to kill her.

I hate her, loathe her, feel murderous toward her.

I’m just suppressing it.

So, obviously…

…Wait.

Hold on.

What about *me*?

Do *I* hate Ariana?

I thought I hated her because I couldn’t suppress the princess’s memories, but as my pure, untainted self, isn’t it different?

*I* want to return to reality, and Ariana pushes the princess, speeding up that process.

So then.

Isn’t it true that *I* have no reason to hate her──

*Slap—!!*

“Ugh, huff…”

“Therefore, when chanting… Hm?

Is something wrong, Miss Adelian?”

“…Nothing’s wrong. Sorry.”

I had just slapped my own cheek hard.

It was a kind of self-punishment for having such pointless thoughts.

I put all my strength into it, and for a moment, my mind went blank.

As the dark fantasies that had clouded my mind disappeared, the lethargy and emptiness dragging me down also quieted.

Ariana was right after all.

If you do something wrong, it’s only natural to be punished.

I didn’t realize it when others did it to me, but doing it myself, the effect was definitely noticeable.

With a calmer mind, I realized how strange I had been acting just moments ago.

If something I usually feared disappeared, I should be happy.

Instead, I was pointlessly brooding.

Feeling like a part of my daily life had collapsed because of this was twisted from the start.

That strange fondness I felt for Ariana was definitely insane.

My body is comfortable, so my mind is acting up.

Well, to be honest, my mind hasn’t been right from the beginning either.

But this is the first time it’s been so blatantly split.

I pressed my throbbing temples.

I don’t know.

I just.

Want to go home.

Should I go home?

“Then, let’s end today’s class here.

Don’t forget, the assignment is due tomorrow.”

The professor was wrapping up the class and preparing to leave.

There was still some afternoon class left, but if I’ve already skipped once, what’s the harm in skipping twice?

The princess would understand this much.

I’m in pain right now. I’m a patient.

I hope no one asks where it hurts when my body seems fine.

But still, it really hurts a lot.

I steeled myself and got up from my seat.

The classmates might have stared, but no one actually spoke to me.

I thought at least one or two would pick a fight when I left the classroom, but no.

I don’t know if it’s a good thing, but it’s comfortable.

Let’s go home.

I walked toward the dormitory.

“Miss Adelian?”

Only then did I hear the voice calling out to me, the only one trying to stop me as I left.

It was the Magic Studies Professor, still in the classroom, sounding puzzled.

I ignored it.

My ears weren’t deaf, but I just.

Didn’t have the energy to spare for anyone else.

After leaving the classroom, no other voices called out to me.

What a relief.

***

Leaving the classroom went smoothly, but the journey back to my room wasn’t as easy.

Of course, no one grabbed or harassed me.

No one acted differently than they had in the classroom.

They just whispered and shot sticky glances from a distance.

In this case, the one holding me back, as always, was myself.

First, while walking down the hallway, I twisted my ankle and fell.

Blood dripped from my bruised knee.

Second, maybe because of the earlier fall, my legs gave out, and I tumbled down the stairs.

My forehead and palms were scraped, and I had multiple bruises.

Third, for no apparent reason, I felt dizzy, lost my balance, and collapsed.

No new injuries, but the same thing kept happening afterward.

Come to think of it, lately, I’ve been losing my balance or feeling weak way too often.

The reason? Hmm.

Too many possibilities to pin it down.

Maybe it’s because I haven’t eaten in four days, or I’ve been sick without realizing it, or maybe I’m broken somewhere from all the beatings, or it’s the aftereffects of the hallucinogens I was given.

Or maybe it’s all of the above.

Even one of those would be enough to call me a patient, but with all of them combined, my body’s just done for.

Not that it really matters, though.

There’s no way to fix it, and I don’t even feel like trying.

There are only two things I want.

To maintain the status quo.

And a peaceful death.

I thoughtlessly grabbed the doorknob.

“…Huh?”

Then I realized the door wasn’t locked.

I’m sure I locked it this morning.

Suppressing the rising sense of dread, I pressed my ear to the door.

I could unmistakably hear movement inside.

Someone… came in?

Into my home.

My sanctuary.

My escape.

Someone else?

My mind, which had been numb until now, twisted violently.

The sound of my heart pounding echoed in my ears, and my breathing grew shallow.

What… what should I do?

Was Ariana planning to break in?

She said “next time.” I thought I could relax.

Even if it’s not her, if it’s someone else with ill intentions, it’s only going to be worse.

I can’t possibly resist alone.

I’d probably collapse before they even hit me. What could I even do?

Then I need to call for help.

After making that decision, I tried to let go of the doorknob.

But then I remembered the reality I’d forgotten in my panic.

“Help… who can I even ask…?”

There’s no one. No one at all.

Everyone who could’ve helped me is long gone—either dead or left.

I should’ve known that by now.

Images of professors, students I know, and Sena flashed through my mind.

I shoved all those thoughts into the mental trash bin and shook my head.

No way.

The professors and students wouldn’t help, and the option of reaching out to Sena first was never on the table to begin with.

In the end, there was only one conclusion.

I took a deep breath and gripped the doorknob so tightly my hand turned white.

I have to open it.

Even if I die, I have to protect my home, my sanctuary.

If I lose this space too, my life at the Academy is truly over.

With my heart racing uncontrollably and my vision spinning from dizziness, I slowly turned the doorknob.

Once I go in, first… first… uh… what should I do?

My brain wasn’t working at all, but my trembling hand moved on its own.

As if it wasn’t just my willpower driving it.

And inside the opened door was…

“Ah, it’s the maid.

I’m cleaning… huh?”

A petite, dirty-blonde maid was dusting off the table.

“…Ah.”

I felt like I’d just been pulled back from the depths of hell and collapsed to the floor.

Oh, right.

The maids go around the dorm rooms cleaning while the students are in class.

And since I skipped afternoon classes and came back early, it’s not strange to run into her.

Actually, it’s a miracle we haven’t crossed paths before.

I was so scared I almost felt bad for myself as I sat there trying to calm my breathing.

The maid, who had been looking at me curiously, noticed the blood dripping from my forehead and knee and gasped.

“Ah, ah!”

She even pointed at me and shouted as if she’d just realized something.

“Please wipe off the blood and lie down on the bed, miss!

It’s really hard to clean, you know!”

……Right.

Memories of staining the bed with bodily fluids and blood flashed through my mind.

Every time I came back from class, it was always clean, and now I realized it was this girl who’d been cleaning it all.

Feeling embarrassed for the misunderstanding, I hung my head low.

This… this is my karma. Really.