Chapter 4

The sound of my screams begging for help and Ariana’s mocking laughter saying, “I saved you, didn’t I?”

At first, the commoners were anxious, but when they saw me coming back to life, they started actively joining in.

The sound of my face hitting the water surface echoed endlessly.

The pain, as if I would stop breathing at any moment, kept rushing in relentlessly.

In a moment of fear, as if hell had descended upon the world to judge me forever, I lost consciousness.

“Remia Adelian?”

“…Ah.”

I woke up to the professor’s voice calling attendance.

Unable to grasp the situation, I looked around and saw a perfectly normal classroom.

All the students were sitting in their seats.

Ariana, who had clearly been holding onto my hair just moments ago, and a few commoners were also visible.

It seemed that while I was asleep on my desk, the professor arrived and class started.

So, what I just experienced must have been a terrible nightmare.

It was so vivid that even now, all sounds seem slow, as if I’m still underwater, and it feels uncomfortable to breathe.

Still, I’m really glad it was just a dream.

If it were reality, I would have wanted to die right then.

Yes, if it were reality.

I would have screamed, with sticky liquid dripping from my eyes, nose, mouth, and maybe even holes further down, and run to my room.

Then, I would have locked the door, buried myself under the blankets, and cried for days.

Not much different even now.

…As if that would be allowed.

A princess of the noble Adelian family, who must always act with dignity and set an example for others, cannot shed the ‘noble’ clothes she has worn since childhood.

Even when honor falls to the ground and she becomes worse than a commoner.

I barely managed to curl up my trembling lips.

Let’s stop escaping reality.

I can still feel it.

The main perpetrators who tortured me.

Especially Ariana, who is looking at me with a smile, as if watching something cute, not hiding her chin.

Since she cooked a simple meal this morning.

Now, she must be thinking about how to treat me to make me prettier under her, how to educate me to be more obedient, or something like that.

I covered my face with trembling hands, afraid my smile would break.

I was water-tortured by them just before class started.

At a glance, it seems no new wounds were added.

It seems I was placed at my desk as if I had been asleep from the beginning, without any external injuries or physical aftereffects.

Or maybe they just made it so the wounds aren’t visible.

The terrible dizziness and tinnitus are still tormenting me.

Impressive.

Even after being treated so roughly, there should be some traces left.

Even the original wounds were left untouched, and only the traces of water torture were neatly erased.

Wouldn’t it be more difficult to heal like this?

I can even feel their obsession to thoroughly torment me.

Suddenly, I remembered something the princess’s mother once said.

Humans who are given power but do not learn humanity become more cruel than demons.

To the point of treating fellow humans worse than livestock to be slaughtered.

Or maybe I’m something less than human.

Lately, it really feels that way.

“…?”

Thud. Something hit the back of my head and fell to the floor.

It seems someone from the back threw a crumpled paper.

Unfolding it, there was a hastily scribbled message.

The content was simple enough to grasp at a glance.

“Did you enjoy it?”

“…Did I enjoy it?”

That simple sentence seemed to hint at an endless hell to come.

It was so blatant that I actually laughed.

After doing such vicious things like torture, this behavior seems like a sinister form of bullying among students.

I once again realized how significant healing magic is.

It removes the biggest obstacle to acts of violence.

It’s only natural that the upper limit of violence becomes higher than in reality.

So, stepping back a bit from violence, this method might seem natural.

After all, they are just boys and girls who haven’t even graduated yet.

Ah, let’s not think from this perspective.

It makes me feel too insignificant, unable to resist even a little against such boys and girls.

Although I am indeed insignificant, the truth always hurts more than lies.

As I laughed softly, it seemed not the reaction they expected, as more objects flew from behind.

Thud thud. The sensation of objects periodically hitting my body came through.

This level was something I could laugh off.

It’s not like I’m feeling direct physical pain.

Sometimes, the stronger throws hurt, but it was bearable.

I just tried to empty my mind and watched what they were throwing as if it were someone else’s business.

All trash, huh?

I’ll collect them by type.

Not talking about people.

Probably.

***

“Uh… please turn to page 134.”

The professor’s voice echoed dully.

I was sitting almost at the front, in perfect conditions to attend the class.

Of course, I had no intention of listening.

I wasn’t in the right state of mind for that.

I quickly discarded any intention to focus on the class and started thinking about other things.

Nothing grand, though.

It’s a reflection on my current state.

Let’s go back to the very beginning.

I, who was ordinary, became a girl from another world without any warning.

It was the premise of everything I’m going through now, and naturally, it was just considered the delusion of a mentally ill person.

But then, why was I accepting this world as reality without any doubt?

This kind of absurd thing couldn’t possibly happen in real life.

It would be more plausible if I were mentally ill or had taken a bunch of drugs and was hallucinating.

If not that, then maybe I was originally Remia Adelian of this world, and after the shock of my family’s collapse, I started deluding myself into thinking I was a man from another world.

How do I wake up from this something that might be a delusion or a hallucination?

A strong stimulus?

But even water torture didn’t wake me up.

If that were the answer, I should have woken up already when I was in the organization.

Is the answer suicide, then?

It’s the only quick and easy way to escape and wake up my mind that comes to mind.

But I’m a little worried that all of this might just be the princess’s delusion.

In that case, it would be no different from me, who has illegally occupied her body, killing the princess.

What is that, some low-budget horror movie?

Then, hmm.

Shall we start slowly?

Before suicide, there’s self-harm, right?

From pinching my arm weakly to cutting my wrist or strangling myself, trying stronger stimuli one by one.

If I’m lucky, I might wake up in the process.

That might be the most realistic best-case scenario.

Leaving the princess’s body alive and returning to a normal, precious daily life as if nothing happened.

Ah, but taking drugs to see hallucinations isn’t normal, is it?

I hope reality is better than here.

Still, it’s nice.

It might be the best method I’ve thought of so far.

Shall I get a knife or something when I go back?

A sharp one would hurt less.

…Well, even though I think this way, I probably won’t do it in the end.

Remia Adelian has a strong sense of self-respect but is also a coward, so she can’t even imagine harming her own body.

Even the plan to commit suicide the day before graduation was only possible because of a year of freedom beforehand.

A precious jewel of the ducal family who dislikes pain and has only experienced it a handful of times, even after falling into the abyss, still hasn’t grasped her situation.

And yet, she dreams of a painless death.

No.

Maybe I’m just making excuses for the princess.

If this is all a hallucination, then the princess herself is also something I’ve created.

Then what?

Do I not actually want to wake up from this hallucination?

I don’t know.

Maybe the problem is distinguishing between the princess and me from the start.

“The class ends here today. Everyone, have a pleasant lunch.”

While I was lost in my own world, it seems the class has ended.

Time feels like it’s passed quickly.

It seems like a few more pieces of trash have appeared around me.

As the professor leaves the room, the surroundings gradually become noisier.

It seems difficult to think deeply about anything anymore.

And so, the reflection concludes once again with a pointless conclusion.

I’m not even sure what the conclusion is.

I already knew that thinking like this was meaningless.

It’s not like I haven’t done it once or twice over the years.

Someone who doesn’t even have a friend to talk to, let alone any remaining relationships, can only engage in self-dialogue or delusions.

Yet, the reason I keep repeating these reflections is, well.

Everyone escapes into delusions when they’re tired of a harsh reality.

Still, it might be the most productive thing I’ve done recently.

No matter what anyone says, delusions provide comfort.

They give hope, however baseless, that there’s still a way out or a way back.

“You look happy. You must have enjoyed the class, Princess.”

See. Even now.

As soon as the delusion ends, I’m pulled back into reality.

I weakly turned my head towards the direction of the voice.

Ariana and the group from earlier were approaching me, as if they had been waiting for the class to end.

There are more nobles now, I wonder why.

“But still, it would be good for you to wake up a bit.

We don’t have much time. Let’s enjoy ourselves before we go to eat!”

Looking at the people surrounding me and Ariana’s now familiar sneer, I curled up the corners of my mouth.

Laughter is convenient.

You can hide your emotions just by moving your mouth a little.

Though I wonder what the point of hiding them is.

I don’t know. Nothing.

Just.

I hope it doesn’t hurt too much.