I dreamed a dream of reality.
To put it nicely, he’s a man living a life without any flair; to put it bluntly, he’s utterly unremarkable.
Raised by decently good parents, he achieved average grades, graduated from an average university, and worked at an average job.
A peaceful life, precisely because it was so ordinary.
Looking back now, it seems like a heaven-sent ideal life, but back then, I was fed up with the repetitive days and longed for the collapse of my routine.
It’s true that no one realizes the value of what they have until they lose it.
They say, “A fish doesn’t know it’s in water.”
Perhaps it was because of such audacious thoughts that I was sent here as punishment.
To a world where every day is a process of collapse, a world devoid of routine.
I believed without a doubt that the same day would repeat endlessly.
That after decades of such a life, one day I would quietly stop, as if falling asleep.
Living is scary.
But dying is also scary.
Because every kind of artificial death always comes with pain.
I hate pain.
I’ve gotten used to it, but I still hate it.
So, I dreamed of a painless death.
A dream where my heart stops unnoticed, and I’m found the next day as a peaceful corpse.
Her body enters the rest she so longed for, and my soul returns to reality.
A happy ending where no one misses her, as there was no one who cared for her.
Ah, the organization might feel a bit of regret.
It’s a bit amusing that the only people who would miss my death are my enemies.
Still, I’d like to see that.
How would my parents react?
Even though her consciousness was buried deep within, their faces came to mind vividly.
The two people I resent but miss, who abandoned me.
I wish they would shed at least a tear.
To know that the daughter they abandoned met such a tragic end.
Feeling like I was indulging in pointless fantasies, I smiled slightly.
What meaning do the things left behind in a world I’m about to leave have?
I might as well pray.
Dear God, please take my breath away.
Every night, I fell asleep with such thoughts.
“……Good morning.”
The next day, I woke up, betrayed by those expectations as usual.
The blue hue of the morning and the chirping of birds lingered in my ears.
I had left the window open to air out the smell of bodily fluids, and the fragrant scent of grass filled the room.
I fidgeted with my blurry left eye, blinked a couple of times, and slowly got up.
Objectively, it was a refreshing morning.
Except for the still unpleasant state of my body.
The pain all over my body seemed worse than last night.
It felt like my collarbone was out of place, and it hurt with every breath.
At least I didn’t wake up in the middle of the night.
Perhaps it was a sign that my body desperately needed rest.
I sat on the bed for a few minutes, still tired.
Then, thinking I needed to wash my sticky body, I put my feet down to the floor.
“Ugh.”
As soon as my feet touched the floor, a sharp pain shot up my ankle.
I gasped and looked down to see it was red and swollen.
I didn’t notice yesterday because other parts hurt more, but I must have sprained it.
Or maybe it’s fractured.
A complaint naturally slipped out.
“…Really, one thing after another.”
I ignored it and put weight on my ankle to stand up.
A stabbing pain and dizziness from anemia made me lose my balance momentarily, but I managed to stand.
I limped a few steps before my legs gave out, and I fell.
My wrist and shoulder, which hit the floor, throbbed as if they might break.
The chest pain I already had was just an added bonus.
“……”
My vision blurred.
I bit my lip hard to keep the tears from falling.
I swallowed the tears, but blood flowed instead.
What’s the point of this?
I curled up, hugging my knees.
My chest felt like it might shatter, but I desperately needed comfort.
I don’t understand at all.
Why does everyone hate me?
Even if someone approaches me with kindness now, I don’t think I could believe them.
I’d always be worried about the dagger hidden behind their back.
I’m broken. As a person.
I buried myself deeper into my knees.
It was a motion meant to replace the comfort of someone’s embrace, but sinking into my skinny legs brought no comfort.
Maybe the comfort was just an excuse, and I just miss human warmth.
Deep down, I crave human warmth, but I push everyone away, even myself.
No, I can’t even trust myself, so I push everyone away—a wounded animal.
In reality, I’m the kind of character you’d only find in a novel.
Annoyingly so.
“Huhu…”
I laughed for no reason.
What happens when you laugh after crying?
I hope I don’t look too strange.
Thinking pointless thoughts, I got up.
I fell a couple of times, but I managed to stand on both feet again.
“I can’t be late…”
Even in this state, I’m worried about being late for class.
Even if I get there on time, I’ll just get beaten again.
Maybe I’m already beyond functioning as a person.
Dragging my left leg, I walked to the mirror and took off my clothes.
My bare body revealed the harsh reality.
A skinny body with ribs showing. Bruises and scars everywhere. Scars made by the organization.
The unexplained bleeding I saw when clothed seemed to come from a long, torn wound on my upper abdomen.
I slept.
I didn’t even stop the bleeding, hoping it would just bleed out, but by midnight, it all stopped on its own.
As a result, the blanket got painted red, but that’s the maid’s problem to deal with.
I stepped into the bathroom and stood in front of the shower.
Turning the lever, dozens of water streams poured down over my head.
The water soaking my hair flowed down my chin and neck, washing over my body.
The bodily fluids that had dried and stuck to my body started to wash away just by the touch of the water.
If washing away the past were this easy, life would be so much simpler.
I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth enveloping my whole body.
The chill that had seeped into my bones throughout the night slowly disappeared.
The pain from bruises and wounds flared as the water touched them, but even that felt oddly pleasant, almost addictive.
After drying off with a towel, I grabbed a warm air blower embedded with magic stones.
Starting from the tips of my hair, I dried it bit by bit with the warm air.
In this world, many items similar to those in reality are recreated through magical power.
Earlier, it was the shower; now, it’s the hairdryer.
The ability to adjust things more precisely than in reality really makes you appreciate the convenience of magic.
Unfortunately, the only magic I can use is pretty much useless.
After drying my hair, I took out a spare uniform to wear instead of yesterday’s, which was soiled with dried fluids.
This is the last spare one.
I really hope I don’t get this one dirty too.
After all, I can’t go to school naked, no matter what.
I straightened my clothes and picked up my bag.
My ankle still ached, but I was getting used to the pain enough to walk without looking too strange in front of others.
Taking a deep breath, I grabbed the doorknob.
This is as far as my personal space goes.
Beyond this door is the space of those who are not on my side.
Trying to clear my mind, I opened the door.
Light seeped into the room, which I had deliberately kept dark.
It wasn’t too early, so I could see students bustling about.
Still, some of them were clearly looking at me.
I can guess what they’re thinking without even looking.
“How dare the daughter of a fallen family walk around with her head held high?”
“Come to think of it, that girl was always surrounded by bad rumors.”
“Why didn’t she just die with her parents instead of coming here?”
“Poor thing, she’s going to get bullied again.”
Well, something like that.
Feeling like I couldn’t breathe, I took a step forward.
I might actually be panting a little, but I hope I’m not.
It would look so vulgar.
Yes, I shouldn’t do anything that would compromise my dignity.
From my dorm to the classroom wasn’t too far.
I was grateful that my body could still walk, even if it was screaming in pain.
Most importantly, it reduced the time I had to spend under the gaze of strangers.
Slowly, I made my way into the classroom.
Just as I started to relax, thinking the hallway ordeal was over, the noisy classroom suddenly fell silent, and all eyes turned to me.
A gaze without form gains weight when there are enough of them.
The stares of just 30 students felt unbearably heavy.
It felt like I might collapse under the pressure.
I sat down, trying not to stagger, and the stares didn’t let up.
Don’t look at me.
No, it’s fine if you look.
But please, don’t come closer.
Don’t talk to me.
Don’t pity me.
Don’t laugh at me.
Don’t hit me.
Just don’t do anything. Please.
As I kept my head down, hoping no one would approach, I heard footsteps and opened my eyes to see the same group from yesterday surrounding me.
Really, they never fail to meet expectations.
“Zhang. Are you sure this is really okay?”
“It’s fine. We did it yesterday, and there were no problems. See, she’s perfectly fine.”
“Ah, it’s okay. Don’t be scared, Princess.
It’ll just hurt for a moment. Close your eyes, and it’ll be over soon.”
The two who hit me first yesterday seemed to be the leaders.
Zhang, a boy with a sturdy build, was reassuring his friends, who he might have called over.
The girl who slapped me smiled with her mouth only, taunting me in a mocking tone.
Her eyes showed no trust at all.
I wonder if she knows this is just venting.
“…If you’re going to do it, just hurry up.”
I closed my eyes.
I had no intention of resisting anyway.
The people who would help me disappeared long ago, and with this body, I can’t even struggle.
What’s the point of resisting when it won’t change anything?
It’ll just tire everyone out.
I’ll probably get hit harder.
Being obedient will hurt less.
So, I isolated myself in the darkness and waited for the violence to come.
“Wait a moment.”
I opened my eyes right after hearing a girl’s voice I’d never heard before.
