Chapter 34

As I gently soothed and coaxed Asulin, whose cheeks had become plump, we settled down to close out our second day in the capital.

“…Indeed.”

Feeling a strange warmth as I slept, I opened my eyes slowly and took in the scene before me. We had clearly maintained a proper distance before going to bed, yet here she was, nestled in my arms with her arms wrapped around me, sleeping soundly. It was hard not to comment on such a sight.

At once, I considered restoring that distance and going back to sleep. But, I knew she would inevitably find her way back into my embrace.

“…I don’t know.”

Now, feeling like it was all up to fate, I decided to simply observe Asulin as she slept without pushing her away.

Pfft – Pfft –

The first thing I heard was the soothing sound of her breathing filling my ears. The rhythm and gentleness of it were so comforting that it almost made me feel at ease.

Then, with each breath, I could feel Asulin’s chest rising and falling against my body. It was a vivid sensation, one that felt dangerously familiar, making me want to create some space between us immediately. Yet, there was something that kept me from doing so.

That something was warmth.

A warmth so intense that it felt like nothing else in this world. And I knew, without a doubt, that this warmth was coming from Asulin.

…

With enough experience, one might have grown accustomed to such a feeling, or at least understood that creating distance was the right choice. Yet, my heart still felt like it was being tickled for the first time, causing me to scratch my chin out of embarrassment.

“…Huff.”

Unable to determine if it was shame or joy, I released the heat building in my chest with a light sigh before losing myself in thought.

For the first time, someone was sharing their warmth while sleeping beside me.

Born wrapped in cloth and abandoned, I never knew what parental warmth felt like. The orphanage was a distant memory, and survival was the only priority in the alleys.

To think that someone would share their warmth with me in such a manner was unimaginable until now.

Pfft – Pfft –

While Asulin’s presence in my arms was overwhelming, there was also a growing sense that I would feel empty without that warmth. It seemed to be becoming an essential part of my daily life.

This was kindness. The kind of kindness given without obligation, the same kind of kindness I felt towards someone I couldn’t let die.

Asulin’s kindness was truly touching but also heavy. Feeling grateful for her kindness and wanting it to continue, I found myself developing tender feelings for her. Yet, somewhere deep inside, a voice whispered that I shouldn’t accept it so readily.

*Poke-poke*

It was as if something sharp was poking at my conscience again, reminding me that I wasn’t worthy of her kindness.

Yes, I understand.

She can’t completely define me as the person she loves unconditionally. Even though we fought countless battles during the Succession War, our relationship wasn’t perfect.

Even if it’s true, the person she loves isn’t solely me.

My brother, who joined the military despite his frail health out of a sense of duty, and I, who disguised myself as him to fight on the battlefield, are two separate entities.

Asulin unknowingly developed affection for me, a person born from the meeting of these two identities.

Would I be able to fully accept her kindness now that my brother has left?

Just thinking about it made my heart ache, and the more I thought about it, the more afraid I became of how she might react if she ever discovered my true identity.

While I could accept whatever happened to me, I worried about how she would feel if she realized her kindness had been betrayed. Would she be shocked, sad, or angry?

Even though I proudly use the title of Sword Demon, my pure and clean soul, like Asulin’s, might be tainted by my presence.

Thoughts swirled in my mind, creating a heavy unease that pressed down on my heart.

At first, it was just about protecting myself from discovery. But as time passed, I began to worry about the shock Asulin would face if my true identity was revealed. This fear solidified into a compulsion.

I vowed not to be discovered. For my sake…and for…

“Mmm…”

Hearing Asulin’s content sigh as she slept in my arms, I promised myself that I wouldn’t disturb her peaceful slumber.

With that soft vow, my hand gently stroked Asulin’s hair as I accepted the calmness of the moment.

After spending half my life fearing sleep, I couldn’t help but wonder when I last struggled to sleep in bed.

Though part of me was still fearful of falling asleep with you in my arms, another part feared the nights without your warmth.

These selfish and contradictory thoughts silently fed my guilt.

—

Three days after arriving in Sylvantrium, the day passed much like any other.

Every morning, Asulin would nestle into my arms despite the distance we had intended to keep before sleeping, her smile beaming.

Between the comfortable treatment from Duke Carthas, Duchess Annette, and the servants who respected me, there was nothing difficult or challenging about the day.

But then, as evening approached, Asulin’s gentle voice invited me for a night walk, subtly changing the course of the day.

I had no reason to refuse her invitation. Despite the improved security since the new emperor’s ascension, the city was still dangerous, especially for someone like Asulin.

I wanted to shield her from such sights, which led me to agree to go with her.

“Sure, I can go anytime. Where to?”

Since I needed to respond appropriately to the situation, I asked Asulin where we were going.

“…It’s a secret. Not right now, but there’s a place I’d like to go to later tonight.”

Asulin replied with a graceful demeanor, adding a playful hint of secrecy.

“Hmm, so it’s a secret. Sounds like you’re up to something mischievous.”

Her playful smile reminded me of the trouble she might have caused when younger.

“…Is there something wrong with me? Do I seem like a troublemaker?”

“I guess my expression gives that impression.”

“Even so, you didn’t act this way on the battlefield. You’re managing things differently now.”

I decided I should practice my expressions more often.

However, while I focused on my expressions, I couldn’t afford to overlook Asulin’s intentions.

“As the legitimate successor to the Duke’s estate, sneaking out at night seems suspicious.”

I probed her further.

“No, not sneaking out! I need to go to a place only accessible late at night.”

Her lively reaction was like a fish biting the hook.

“Hmm, there must be something you’re hiding.”

“…What are you implying? Are you suggesting I’m up to no good?”

“Of course not—”

“Argh!”

—

Despite learning not to provoke Asulin like this again, I found her reactions quite amusing.

However, our conversation was cut short.

“We’re going to Shaten. Prepare yourself.”

“…?”

Caught off guard by Asulin’s sudden announcement, I managed to ask why.

“…Why are we going there?”

“…I thought you wouldn’t know.”

As Asulin hesitated, revealing a mix of embarrassment and determination, I wondered about her intentions.

“I know you’ve been searching for the Failord. I’m here to help.”

Even as she trailed off, her gratitude was clear.

Thump-thump-

Startled by the sudden pounding of my heart, I felt a strange sensation, even though Asulin was a distance away.

“…What’s this? Is it palpitations? Even if it is, the tickling sensation in my chest doesn’t fit the explanation.”

To solve this mystery, I’d need to focus deeply on it in a quiet place. Here, it was futile.

“Housework, I don’t need your help. I’m not that troubled.”

I tried to assure her, but…

“If it’s your housework, it’s mine too.”

As Asulin closed the gap, her eyes unwavering, I conceded.

“…I don’t know how you figured it out, but I’ll gladly accept your help.”

Instead of refusing, I expressed my gratitude.

“…Thank you.”

Seeing Asulin smile and blush, my initial hesitation quickly faded away.