Episode 6
The regular reporting meeting wrapped up without any major issues. I stuffed myself with delicious food and even got to know Elfride a bit, so I’d say it was a pretty good banquet for me.
But now what? I wondered if I should just keep doing the same old stuff, so I asked the Saint.
“What should we do now?”
“Seriously… Do I really have to spell everything out for you?”
Well, how else am I supposed to know?
“Hero, you really can’t do anything without me, huh? Mama’s boy♡”
“…Since when were you my mom?”
“It’s just the way you act.”
Where did she even learn the word “mama’s boy”? Sometimes I wonder if this is really a medieval setting.
“Just do what you usually do. You’re still way behind in terms of skill. Your current level is basically trash♡”
Do I have to repeat that again? Ugh, my fate.
“But last time, you handled the kobolds pretty well, so this time, let’s try taking down a different monster.”
“Oh, really?”
Yeah, I’m sick of kobolds and goblins. Just seeing their faces makes me want to puke.
“Remember the Nol Chieftain from last time?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“That’s an intermediate-level monster, but their base form, the Nol, is a low-level monster. Today, you’ll try taking down a Nol.”
“Hmm, okay.”
“Do your best with that pathetic skill of yours♡”
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, I just remembered I need to look in a mirror. I totally forgot to check.
“Saint.”
“Yes?”
“Do you have a mirror?”
“Why would I carry one around during an adventure? Is your head just for decoration? You keep making such stupid remarks, it’s like you’re not even trying♡”
“…Just thought I’d ask.”
Where am I supposed to find a mirror then? In medieval times, mirrors were so expensive they were practically a luxury for nobles. The manufacturing techniques weren’t advanced back then.
Since this world is probably inspired by Earth’s medieval period, it’s probably similar here.
“Saint, I want to see a mirror.”
“Suddenly?”
“Elfride said I’m handsome, so I got curious.”
“…What are you even saying? It’s like you don’t even know what your own face looks like.”
Oops.
“Ah… I mean, it’s been a while since I left the village. I’m worried my face might’ve gotten a bit rough.”
What kind of lame excuse is that? Just as I was feeling a wave of self-loathing, the Saint spoke up.
“Hmm… Don’t worry. You’re fine.”
“Huh?”
“You look fine. Your face hasn’t changed a bit. Still look just like a goblin♡”
“…Comparing me to a goblin? That’s harsh.”
She’s teasing me, but still… a goblin? Does that mean I look as bad as a goblin?
Guess Elfride’s compliment was just lip service.
“Why? You do look just like one. Oh, did I hurt your feelings~?”
“You’re pretty, so you wouldn’t understand the struggles of us ugly folks.”
“…Huh?”
The Saint made a flustered sound. Why’s she acting like that? She’s objectively pretty.
‘Does she not know she’s pretty? Is that her thing?’
Author… who even uses such outdated tropes in this day and age…!
“Do you think I’m pretty?”
“Objectively speaking, yes.”
“…So subjectively, you don’t think I’m pretty?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
The Saint’s eyes widened slightly, then curved into crescent moons.
“Hmm, so that’s what you think of me~? How sneaky♡ How long have you been looking at me with those eyes♡”
“What eyes are you talking about?”
“You’ve been eyeing me with those perverted, lustful eyes, haven’t you? Imagining having kids with me already? Eek, I feel violated♡ You pervert♡ You trashy hero, stop eye-raping me♡”
What the hell, woman. When did I ever do that? And how does a medieval Saint even know the term “eye-rape”?
Her smug smile and teasing expression were annoying, but she was pretty. Which made it even more annoying.
I sighed deeply.
“I’ve never thought that way.”
“Liar♡”
“…Think whatever you want.”
Damn it. Damn Saint. Damn author.
#
“There are Nols here?”
“Nols usually dig burrows in hilly areas like this. You didn’t even know that and still wanted to go on an adventure? You’re so hopeless♡”
“…Haha.”
I’m reaching enlightenment. The Saint warned me.
“Nols are low-level monsters, but they’re much stronger than goblins and kobolds. If you fight them like you would a goblin or kobold, you could get seriously hurt.”
“Got it.”
She’s so caring when it comes to this. I wish she’d talk to me like this all the time.
“But like kobolds and goblins, they’ll die if you slash them with the Holy Sword, so don’t freak out♡”
“Okay.”
“I’ll be back.”
The Saint went down the hill alone, unarmed.
From my experience so far, following the Saint’s advice during monster fights hasn’t steered me wrong.
I wondered how the Saint knew so much about monsters, but she was always spot-on about their habits, weaknesses, and info.
“…That’s why I can’t even argue when she calls me an idiot.”
In this novel world, I really knew nothing, while the Saint was a walking encyclopedia.
As I stood there holding the Holy Sword, waiting, I saw the Saint running back from a distance.
“Kyaaa♡ Hero~! The Nols are trying to kidnap me! If this keeps up, I’ll be captured and violated~!”
“Grrr! What’s this human babbling about, grrr! Look at this crazy woman ruining our meal!”
“……”
Poor Nols.
The Saint had aggroed and brought back five Nols. Half the number of kobolds from last time, but according to the Saint, I’d need to be more careful.
The Saint quickly ran behind me and hid.
“Go on, use that clumsy skill of yours to defeat the monsters♡”
“…Sure.”
The Nols were small but carried heavy-looking axes. They were furious.
“Human! If you hand over that crazy woman, we’ll let you live, grrr!”
…Kind of tempting, though?
Then, the Saint smacked my back from behind.
Ah, damn. My hand hurts like hell.
“What are you hesitating for! Hurry up and defeat that Nol, you hopeless Hero♡”
“…Yeah.”
As I raised the Holy Sword properly, the Nols became wary of me.
“Grrr! If you don’t hand over the woman, we’ll kill you too, grrr!”
The Nols swung their axes wildly, furious as fire. Well, I did interrupt their meal, so I guess they had a right to be mad.
Sorry, but I can’t let monsters live.
I moved before the Nols could attack. I dashed forward and swung the Holy Sword at the Nol in front of me.
Clang!
“!”
The Nol was on a different level compared to Kobolds or Goblins. Kobolds and Goblins were small and weak, with strength comparable to an elementary school kid.
But the Nol was different. Its upper body was disproportionately large, and the strength it exuded was stronger than a grown man. Considering the size difference between a human male and a Nol, it was astonishing.
The Nol’s axe blocked my Holy Sword, and the other Nols quickly circled behind me.
“Tch.”
Thud!
I kicked the axe of the Nol blocking my sword, pushing it away, and swung the Holy Sword backward. The Nol, unable to control the recoil of its own speed, had its head bid farewell to its body.
‘One down.’
Four left. Two Nols’ axes came down on my head simultaneously.
“Whoa, damn. Almost died there.”
I threw myself to the ground and rolled, barely dodging the axes. I got up immediately, spun the Holy Sword, and stabbed backward.
“Grrk!”
A Nol trying to ambush me from behind was impaled by the Holy Sword. Maybe it’s because I’ve been fighting non-stop, but my senses have sharpened, allowing me to pull this off.
Then, another Nol swung its axe without giving me a break. The problem was that I was holding the Holy Sword backward.
Clang!
“Ugh!”
The awkward stance made it hard to match the Nol’s strength. The Nol’s power was on a whole different level compared to Goblins or Kobolds, and blocking it in such an uncomfortable position was too much.
Clang!
The axe and Holy Sword clashed, throwing both of us off balance. The problem was, I was alone, and there were still three Nols left.
Taking advantage of my imbalance, one Nol swung its axe, striking my left thigh.
“!!!”
Blood gushed out. Bright red blood splattered everywhere from my left thigh, and I saw it clearly with my own eyes.
“You damn bastard!”
It hurt. The pain and the anger that followed made curses spill out uncontrollably.
I quickly balanced myself on my right leg and thrust the Holy Sword forward, piercing the heart of the Nol that had split my thigh.
Thud!
“Grrk!”
The Nol made a strange noise as it died, and I threw its body to the ground. The delayed pain made my face contort. I clutched my bleeding thigh with one hand, groaning in pain.
“…Damn…haa…it hurts…”
“Hero.”
Then, the Saint called me from behind. I turned around, grimacing, and she spoke with a serious expression.
“Overcome it.”
“…Damn, alright.”
It hurts. It hurts. It hurts.
The blood keeps flowing, and the area around the wound feels hot, making my whole body heat up. Two left. I need to finish this quickly, so that damn girl can heal me or whatever.
“…Life sucks.”
I limped forward on my left leg. My speed had noticeably slowed, and the remaining two Nols tried to take advantage of it. If they attacked from both sides, I’d be at a huge disadvantage.
“…”
But there was one thing I had over the Nols: the Holy Sword, a cheat item, and my much larger size and longer limbs.
Crash!
“Grrk!? How…!?”
Before the axe of the Nol charging from the left could reach me, I grabbed its skull with my hand. Then, I swung it and threw it at the Nol rushing from the other side.
Thud!
“Grrk!?”
“Grrr…! What are you doing, grrr!”
“Die, damn it!”
And then I thrust the Holy Sword. With a sound of flesh being pierced, the Holy Sword easily skewered both Nols.
The Nols slumped lifelessly, and upon confirming this, I collapsed to the ground.
“…Haa…haa…it hurts…damn it…”
Why do I have to go through this? I really want to go home, damn it.
“Hero. You got hurt again.”
“Haa…damn, it hurts like hell…”
“Seems like you can’t do without me. Just hang in there for a bit. I’ll heal you right away♥”
The Saint said this and infused me with Holy Power. I was about to get mad at her usual sassy tone, but seeing her expression made that anger melt away.
‘…What’s with that look?’
Her amber eyes were filled with worry, and she frowned at the wound on my thigh. The wound healed instantly, and cold sweat dripped down her cheeks.
“…Saint?”
“…Yes? What is it?”
“No, why do you look like that?”
The Saint didn’t answer. She just smirked and teased me.
“Could it be that you couldn’t resist staring at my face~? No matter how pretty I am, don’t stare too much. You look like a horny monkey♡”
“……”
…This is why I can’t hate her.
