Just a bit more,
If I take just one more step forward, I can reach it.
To the brilliant light, to the reason for my life, to the clue that could untangle the sticky mass.
But…
As I slowly opened my eyes away from the world, my floating body began to sink, and the light started to fade, making my surroundings dark.
I bit my lip.
Still, I couldn’t reach it.
Is it the limit of my talent? Is it the lack of training? Or perhaps, is it that I still linger on something?
No matter what method I use, I just can’t reach it.
From the basics like posture, the location, the breathing technique, to the visualization achieved in a state of no-self.
…What was lacking?
As I pondered for a long time to recall the mistakes I might have made,
“Master, we should be leaving soon.”
Nameless approached me and lightly patted my shoulder.
“…Is it already that late?”
“Yes, the festival is already in full swing.”
“Hmm….”
Come to think of it, there was a festival, but I thought there was still a week left… Did my training take longer than I thought?
With a big sigh, I stretched my arms.
I had been in the same position for so long that my body was stiff.
“Ugh-”
Nameless, seemingly trying to help, grabbed my arms and pulled.
“Okay, that’s enough.”
“Yes.”
Feeling refreshed, I strapped on my wooden sword.
“Let’s go.”
“Yes, Master.”
Forget about the bad things, let’s go enjoy the strawberry wine that Eren boasts about.
*
Camilla frowned, looking displeased.
“What’s up, Why does Pedo the Swordsman look like that?”
“Umm… I don’t know.”
I shook my head slightly.
Nameless, with a pout on her lips, didn’t even glance at me and Camilla when we were discussing her.
…What’s going on?
Nameless had seemed fine until we stepped out the door.
No, she didn’t just seem fine; she was practically beaming.
It was as if something good had happened to her.
Although she might have been trying to hide her emotions, that smile of hers was too much to miss.
Yet now the cheerful Nameless was grimacing at my voice.
When was it… I definitely asked, “Is it okay if Camilla joins us?”
Truthfully, it was more of an announcement than a question.
But would it make her this upset?
Hmm, I really don’t know.
I usually relay things to Nameless in a blunt manner, and she knows that about me, so she shouldn’t have taken offense.
Why was she acting like this today?
Could it be… was she unhappy about Camilla joining us?
No way.
I shook my head at that ridiculous thought.
After all, whether or not I hypothetically approved, among all the women I’ve seen, Camilla is the one who fits Nameless’s ideal type the most.
There’s no reason for her to dislike her.
Even if Nameless really was upset about Camilla joining, there’s nothing I can do about it.
We had promised to enjoy the festival together, and above all…
… I can’t resist strawberry wine.
Didn’t Camilla have something she promised to give me?
Until I receive that, I have to stick with Camilla.
With that thought in my head, I nodded, and Nameless sulked even more, sticking her lips out in complaint.
“…”
An awkward silence hung for a moment.
“Ugh, I can’t deal with this.”
Camilla shivered in disgust, brushing off her arms.
“Being here is suffocating.”
“…Why is that?”
I tilted my head, and Nameless seemed to shift uncomfortably, avoiding eye contact.
Camilla squinted her eyes, continuous observation zeroing in on Nameless.
“Here.”
With a big sigh, she pulled out a small bottle from her robe and shoved it into my chest.
“W-What is this?”
…What on earth is she doing?
Caught off guard, I took the bottle she handed me.
“Sniff… is that strawberry?”
Even without opening the lid, a rich smell of strawberries wafted up to my nose.
“Wow… is that a dog?”
“What do you mean dog? More importantly, what is this?”
I quickly looked up at Camilla, who simply smiled and waved her hand.
“That’s the wine I was going to give to Grandma.”
“Ohhh….”
I inspected the shimmering bottle from in all directions.
…But why is she giving it to me already?
I thought we were going to drink it together after enjoying the festival and seeing the moon reflect in our glasses.
As I expressed my confusion, Camilla smiled and draped her arm over my shoulder.
“Why? Don’t you like it?”
There wasn’t much difference in our heights, but she was just tall enough that her heel slightly lifted.
“No… that’s not it.”
I mumbled as Camilla swiftly pulled her arm away and turned.
“I just thought I had to go to the office because I suddenly remembered something I was working on.”
“…But can’t you stay and hang out for a little while?”
Even if she was busy, there had to be time to catch her breath…
As I reached out to pull Camilla back in, she waved her arms above her head and stepped back.
“I’m good.”
“Hmm….”
The distance between us had widened considerably, and I was left mulling over what to do, pursing my lips.
“But I still appreciate you considering it.”
Camilla slightly turned her head to say that and walked away in a good mood.
Feeling a bit of regret, I turned to tell Nameless, “Let’s hurry,” but,
“…What on earth are you doing?”
Nameless bowed her head a little, as if to show gratitude to Camilla who was walking away.
I just couldn’t understand.
*
Contrary to my expectation that the festival would only bring me trouble, it was quite enjoyable.
Of course, I didn’t do anything together with Nameless… but isn’t there joy in just watching?
A guy dancing in front of a fountain, a child pulling at their mother in front of a shop, a bard singing stories, and even a cute couple who jumped every time their fingers touched, having just started dating.
The streets were bustling with all sorts of people, and their faces wore delighted smiles.
In this atmosphere, holding hands with Nameless and wandering the streets, I couldn’t help but feel good.
Camilla certainly wasn’t wrong in suggesting I come.
Living in a cabin with Nameless was genuinely enjoyable, but sometimes this kind of atmosphere isn’t bad either.
I casually turned my head to glance at Nameless, who was also smiling.
“Did you have fun?”
“Yes, it was truly enjoyable.”
Nameless grinned and nodded as our eyes met.
I’m glad.
If we had left straight for Eren, I wouldn’t have been able to give Nameless this new experience.
“Then let’s head back; it’s getting late.”
“Yes, Master.”
Truthfully, this was just an excuse; I just wanted to drink quickly.
People’s smiles and all that didn’t matter as much as the fact that Nameless enjoyed herself and the wine I held.
With a smile, I hurriedly moved my feet.
*
After throwing myself onto the bed, I immediately pulled out the beautiful shimmering bottle.
“Nameless, bring me something to use as a stand.”
“Yes, Master.”
Strawberry wine—what could it possibly taste like?
Excitement had my lips curling into a grin.
But soon enough, that grin was replaced with a flat line as anxiety crept in.
It had been a while since I last drank… would I be okay?
What if I got drunk and made a fool of myself in front of my disciple?
Of course, if I just keep my wits about me, I should be fine…
But that wouldn’t be fair to the strawberry wine.
“Hmmm.”
It’s a dilemma.
As I tilted my head in thought, Nameless returned with a small desk suitable for the bed and two cups.
…Two cups?
“Why are there two cups?”
“I thought it would be a bit lonely to drink alone.”
“Hmm….”
I chewed my lip; it wasn’t that I didn’t want to share the wine.
It was just that…
“I shouldn’t be drinking so often already…”
I worried about whether Nameless might have tasted alcohol and turned into a drunkard; maybe that was my fault.
As that worry crossed my mind, Nameless noticed my expression and smiled, sitting down on the bed.
“I’m not that bad at drinking.”
“What?”
This kid, who still had plenty of growing up to do, had already tasted alcohol?
I stood there, mouth agape in shock.
But…
How could I stop my compassionate disciple from worrying about loneliness with a drink?
“Let’s toast.”
Sighing deeply, I naturally accepted the wine Nameless poured for me.
…She pours well.
Her claim of not being bad at drinking might not be an empty boast; she poured the wine perfectly.
Holding the bottle with my right hand, I placed my left hand over my heart.
-Glug
When the cup was filled to a certain level, I gently raised the cup to halt Nameless.
“Are you trying to send me off in one go?”
“Aha, of course not! Not at all.”
Nameless grinned cheerfully.
With a chuckle, I sighed in relief; at least she wasn’t a total fool when it came to drinking.
“Listen, just have one drink.”
“Yes, Master.”
Thus, the real drinking began.
*
I don’t particularly care for notions of proper teacher-disciple relationships, or how it’s strange to have feelings for my Master.
Even without others saying so, I know very well that it’s wrong, and I’ve pondered and fretted over it many times.
But I don’t want to give it up; I enjoy my time with my Master.
“Wahaha! Pour me more!”
“Yes, Master.”
But sometimes, I still find myself questioning, ‘Was it really okay for me to have done all of this until now?’
Yeah.
I have nightmares that feel like they personify my anxiety.
It terrifies me.
I know this is a precarious and awful relationship.
There’s no guarantee it won’t end tomorrow—who knows when my Master might say it’s time for me to stand on my own?
In fact, she’s been trying to set me up with someone recently.
Yet still, I occasionally allow myself to dream about the future, hoping for a glimpse of what might come.
“I like you, Master.”
I truly like my Master.
Not in the sense of a teacher and disciple, as in ‘liking’ in the same way.
I love her.
With the help of alcohol, I whisper this truth to her.
“Hm? Where is this coming from?”
My words seem vague to her, and she appears dazed, returning my sentiments with a smile.
“What do you think about it, Master?”
“Of course.”
Her affirmative answer, as she nods.
But my heart isn’t at ease.
I know.
My Master likes me as her disciple, it’s not the same meaning as my feelings.
I bit my lip.
Is my desire really so wrong? Is it a great ambition?
I only want to hear a single word.
“…”
Even if it’s a passing comment, even if it’s said in jest.
I wouldn’t care where I heard it.
I just want to hear those words from my Master’s lips someday.
“I really do like my disciple.”
The bitter taste of the alcohol fades as the sweet scent of strawberry rises.
