I couldn’t say everything honestly.
Well, can you blame me? It’s not like I could trust them enough to spill all the details of my past…
Uh, how should I put this?
It’s a bit burdensome.
To begin with, the person I’ve opened my heart to… Uh, let me rephrase that.
So, even with the one I’ve seen the longest, the Nameless, I didn’t share directly. By chance, it got revealed through a series of coincidences.
How could I spill everything to them?
If I had some courage, maybe, but I’m naturally a coward and timid.
So, I couldn’t say it all.
…Well, I guess that was just an excuse.
Anyway, what did I introduce myself as?
Feeling guilty about lying to those who trust me and wait for my answer, I expressed myself as honestly and plainly as possible.
I mentioned that my hometown is a gigantic continent far beyond the world’s end, located in the East.
When I explained the subtly different lifestyles, clothing, and speech, everyone accepted it.
…Well, if you delve into the details, it’s a lie, but it’s not entirely untrue.
When I first arrived here, I thought it was all based on fantasy because the scenery resembled the Western world where I came from.
To be precise, it’s not all a lie.
And, do you know?
Where I truly came from might just be in the East.
“The East is where the perverts live, right?”
“…P-pervert?”
“Look at that old lady’s clothes.”
Of course, there was a minor issue that arose from that… but it’s not really important.
“…This is my personal preference.”
After all, no one in my hometown dressed like this either…
And it wasn’t so revealing that we’d call it perverted.
…Or was it?
“So, only the old lady is the pervert then.”
“What?”
Anyway, the conversation drifted for a bit.
“I wasn’t originally someone who trained in martial arts.”
To help your understanding, if I were to compare myself to here, I was a student at the Academy.
Out of them, I was someone who studied literature, not martial arts. Just an extremely ordinary person.
“…Are you saying that Cheon Ha-rang hasn’t trained in martial arts?”
“Exactly.”
“Isn’t that strange? When I think of you now, saying you haven’t trained in martial arts seems a bit far-fetched.”
Lucius’s question was valid.
After all, anyone seeing the current me would think just that.
“But it’s true.”
Now, here comes the important part.
The reason I started training in martial arts.
How I, who supposedly lived in the East, suddenly came to this place and began to live.
“Lucius, I was dragged here by the nameless person you were chasing.”
“…I see.”
At my words, both the Nameless and Lucius’s expressions suddenly grew dark.
…The Nameless probably feels a sense of guilt since he thinks it’s related to his actions.
Lucius likely thinks it’s his fault for not being able to hunt down the nameless one.
With that thought, I shrugged and continued.
“Well, Lucius, there’s no reason for you to make that face.”
After all, I was brought here 300 years ago. How was he supposed to stop it?
Confirming that Lucius’s expression had improved to a degree, I added.
“I was very flustered at first.”
I suddenly fell into a strange land without any reason.
In that situation, what could a coward like me do?
Even if I wanted to eat something to survive, I had no money.
There were no friends to help me.
No family to rely on either.
I didn’t even have a way to prove I existed, something I’d always taken for granted.
No, more importantly, I had no one to prove it to.
But what made all of it feel so trivial amidst the struggle was.
“At that time, I had no reason to live.”
I had no goal.
Even if I could eat, sleep, and live comfortably here, what would be left?
Even if I managed to survive, what would remain?
Why am I alive?
The moment I thought of him, my cowardly nature began to flail in order to survive.
You know how they say in the final moments, people recall their memories to stay alive?
Just before death, they dig up all the information they have to survive.
In that process, I remembered.
How I could survive.
“That’s why I held onto hatred.”
The part of me that was afraid of death unconsciously created a virtual goal for survival.
That too, based on what I saw the most often.
I resented the existence of ‘God’ I might have heavily influenced by novels or anime, subcultures.
…Well, I was essentially running away from reality.
Didn’t I vaguely know it?
Why would a coward like me be taken by a god?
They’d rather call someone with a sense of mission like Lucius. Someone with kindness like Elia. Someone tenacious like Camilla.
“Therefore, I wanted to kill your god and avenge myself. …Well, as I mentioned earlier, now that I think about it, the true enemy was the nameless one.”
Anyway, that’s the gist of it.
I started to train in martial arts to take revenge on my enemy and survive.
“And thus, I reached this level.”
Reaching this level means I obtained strength sufficient to achieve my goal.
“I finally acquired it.”
After more than 300 years of enduring time.
“I can finally return.”
To my hometown.
“Yes, it was certainly like that. It was a lie, but I thought I would finally achieve my goal. I thought everything would go smoothly.”
But…
“That damned guy is obstructing my goal, right in front of me.”
“…The god?”
With eyes wide open in disbelief, Elia’s expression, along with Lucius and Camilla’s, didn’t look too good either.
I looked at them and shrugged.
“Well, I said that, but I understand.”
“…Huh? What do you mean?”
“I mean, the guy’s standpoint is somewhat reasonable.”
After all, just like I want to return to my hometown, that guy wants to protect his hometown too.
However, that doesn’t give me a reason to yield to him.
Though I hadn’t said it to them, my true goal isn’t really to return home.
That’s just a superficial reason.
With my eyes narrowed, I turned my gaze to the Nameless, who continues to stand by my side.
“Nameless.”
“…Yes, Master.”
“Do you know why I fight your god?”
“I only know that you… want to go back to your hometown….”
“Good.”
You only need to know that much.
After all, Cheon Mu-myeong. You’re a main reason.
I want to see if my disciple, Cheon Mu-myeong, will repeat the same actions even after I’m gone.
Whether he’s someone who prioritizes his happiness and inflicts harm on others.
…Well, it’s not strange that someone who has been so unhappy yearns for happiness.
But can such a method be seen as right if it harms others?
In my opinion, no.
If the future I create makes them happy, that person should at least explain it to me.
They shouldn’t have hurled me into the kind of hellscape like this.
“Harang…?”
I flashed an awkward smile, cutting off my rising emotions as Elia called out to me.
“Oh. Sorry about that. I got a bit excited.”
It seems my words came out stronger than intended due to that moment of excitement… but the gist of my words is.
I believe that nature doesn’t change.
So, if Nameless were to go back to my hometown… I think he would come looking for me.
Of course, it wouldn’t be just out of wanting to see me or through a safe method.
He would likely do so in a way that very clearly seems evil, as that god worries about.
“…”
Well, I think that’s selfish of me.
Unlike that god who clearly acts from a standpoint of good, I’m doing this out of personal greed.
So, even if I share this story with them, I don’t think Lucius, Elia, or Camilla would understand even a little.
But despite that, I want to see.
If, after I left for my hometown, the Nameless doesn’t come looking for me. If he can give up his happiness for my sake.
If my belief that nature never changes is wrong.
…If it can be changed.
“I can understand that guy’s thoughts… but I must absolutely return to my hometown.”
I want to see with my own two eyes.
“So don’t stop me.”
If nature can change.
“Do you understand?”
That means I can change as well.
In reality, I’m hoping.
That the Nameless prioritizes my happiness over his own.
But can there be happiness in a place I return to all alone?
…I don’t know.
I am uncertain about what I truly want.
To be more honest.
No matter how this world turns, I want the Nameless to come after me.
Above all, I want him to prioritize me.
Holding onto a somewhat selfish thought.
If that happens, I’ll realize the somewhat painful truth that nature doesn’t change.
But I’ll be able to be with the Nameless.
Such were Cheon Ha-rang’s thoughts, deep within her subconscious.
She didn’t even realize it.
