Chapter 233

What the heck is going on here?

That kid was talking to something invisible.

…Can he actually see it, or is he just guessing?

One thing’s for sure—unlike before, I’m not watching this through the eyes of my childhood self. I’m fully an outsider peeking into this bizarre scene.

This golden yet silver thing stretching endlessly, filling up the sky and the land like some kind of cosmic spaghetti—it’s oddly beautiful and mysterious but also kinda freaky and hard to describe. Like, it seems to follow some weird-ass rules that don’t make sense no matter how you look at it.

And in this incomprehensible world, those two were exchanging words—or rather, my younger self was doing most of the talking while the other just kinda went along with it.

“Your choice will kill you.”

Besides, the other one wasn’t exactly all warm and fuzzy either.

“So what? That’s where we part ways then.”

No reaction whatsoever to the jab. Guess even criticism wouldn’t phase them at this point.

“Even if I die, it’s my fault, so you don’t need to worry about me.”

“It’s not worry. I’m blaming you right now for choosing such an illegitimate way instead of doing things properly.”

“Then what would’ve been the ‘legitimate’ way?”

“That….”

“I’m not stupid, you know? If there had been an easier method, I’d have tried it already.”

“But there’s no guarantee this path you chose will work either, right?”

“Based on what you’ve shown me so far?”

“…Did you ever consider the possibility that I might be the exception?”

“Well, then maybe I’m exceptional too.”

With absurd confidence, they stood their ground without hesitation.

“I’m special, duh. That’s why I get treated specially, isn’t it? Am I right?”

“That… yeah. You’re right. You are special.”

“Told ya.”

…Even if someone truly is special, pointing it out directly usually makes people feel awkward or self-conscious—but not this guy. Not even a flicker of doubt crossed his face. What a nutjob.

“Still, that doesn’t explain why you came to see me.”

“Like I said, I wanted to. Do I really need permission or anything?”

“…”

Man, what a character.

“Anyway, since I saw you, let’s call it even.”

“You mean these strange scenes visible to your eyes—all of it—isn’t you?”

“What if it is?”

“Lying now?”

Now flipping the script by calling them out. Classic move.

“If you put this much effort in, showing yourself should be basic courtesy, don’t you think?”

“…You’re such a hassle.”

Neither side asked nor requested anything formally—they were just casually conversing back and forth like this.

But there’s one fact both the kid and I know: did I become aware of her existence because I’m extraordinary?

If someone asked me that…

The answer would definitely be “no.”

So did she actively reveal herself to me?

Same answer applies.

No.

Absolutely not.

…Time drags on forever.

Long and short, long and grandiose—like an endless tug-of-war that suddenly snaps after being stretched thin.

“If you want to die, go ahead. But hand over everything you possess to me first.”

As soon as those carefree words spilled from the kid’s mouth, the air froze solid.

“What do you plan to do with that?”

“Find the world you couldn’t—a world where everyone is kind, free from pain.”

Not “look for,” but “will find.” Big talk indeed.

Does he really believe that’s possible?

“No way. Impossible.”

“For any world, joy must always come paired with sorrow and suffering.”

If there existed a world devoid of suffering, filled only with happiness and pleasure…

“…It wouldn’t truly be joyful or pleasurable anymore.”

“So pain, sadness, hardship—all of it—are necessary?”

“…Unfortunately, that’s reality.”

“Not unfortunate—it’s lucky. See?”

“Huh?”

“The world works the way it does. You’ve found a compassionate, harmonious, peaceful world, haven’t you?”

“Struggled alone trying to achieve the impossible for years, huh?”

“What’s your point?”

“You’ve worked hard.”

It feels light.

Incredibly light.

But even if it seems hollow and flimsy…

For some people, hearing those words might be the greatest praise and gratitude they’ll ever receive in their lifetime.

“I told you—I’m watching you.”

“Why? Don’t tell me you’re buttering me up just to take what I have?”

“Could be. Might not be. Everything I say is sincere though. Don’t you know me well enough?”

“So that’s why I’m here.”

“…”

“I can’t save you. Understanding you is probably impossible too. Though I’ll try, it’ll take time. But between us, we don’t exactly have much left, do we?”

“Yeah. It’s over. Maybe it’s already too late.”

“Still, there’s one thing I can help with.”

“…What’s that?”

Comfort? Nice words? The girl probably imagined something like that.

“Past mistakes can’t be fixed.”

But…

“Future ones don’t need fixing. Sooner or later, I’ll save you there.”

“Save… me? How? I don’t wanna be saved! Never did!”

“There you go lying again.”

Great individuals might overcome hardships using sheer strength, but…

“Weaklings struggle so much it feels like dying and waking up repeatedly.”

I didn’t understand.

Back when I was little, I ended up hurting friends and adults alike.

Mom and Dad went through a lot teaching me lessons.

Surprisingly, the Emperor himself helped open my eyes.

Even geniuses seem ordinary among other geniuses, right?

Everything’s relative in the end.

“And I’ve realized a few times that even someone like me needs help.”

Just remembering that keeps me grounded.

Through that awareness, I began to understand others’ struggles and inner conflicts.

Though buried deep within my chest long ago…

Those memories still linger faintly.

“You’ve watched me live. Seen how I navigate the world. So let me be honest: take a closer look. Words won’t cut it.”

“Would that even matter? I already know your life and future inside out…”

“But you haven’t experienced them, have you?”

It may seem trivial, insignificant, worthless—but…

“Watching and experiencing are different. Trust me on this.”

The kid extends a hand.

Breath forgotten, I watch silently as a small, pale hand gently rests atop theirs.

…

They say smart kids remember their early days vividly.

That kid certainly did.

Smiling softly while observing clumsy parents fumbling around or crying…

Even though unsure what to do, feeling comforted by their touch, their embrace, their laughter.

And when they proudly introduced me to others yet hesitated to show off too much…

I felt happy.

Walking brought such joy.

Calling them “Dad” and “Mom” made them beam with pride.

Uncles and uncles-in-law.

Kids stumbling, crying, whining without knowing better.

Turns out that’s just how it goes.

Even though people called me unusually well-behaved…

I wasn’t being good.

I was mimicking what they expected.

My older brother acted mature and earned lots of praise.

I wanted more attention.

More goodwill.

People crave recognition, judgment, and delve into others’ true feelings.

And humans protect their hearts behind facades.

Sometimes truths pop out unexpectedly despite attempts to hide them.

And sometimes lies are crafted painstakingly.

It’s tough.

…Can everyone honestly love each other openly?

Still…

One thing was clear:

The admiration people felt toward heroes shone brighter, livelier than faith in gods.

Maybe that’s why I admired heroes myself.

But everything has two sides.

Good comes with bad.

Light contrasts shadow.

To avoid being consumed by darkness…

We must radiate our own light.

Like the sun above.

Or the moon under the night sky.

If the sun represents emperors, perhaps the moon symbolizes warriors—illuminating the dark worlds the sun cannot reach.

It felt more fulfilling somehow.

…Plus, they said emperors are born, not made. Is that true?

Thinking deeply, the emperor once told me:

Hey, Carriel…

Wanna give being emperor a shot?

Was he serious? Was he joking? Who knows.

Ultimately, truth reveals itself over time regardless.

So I don’t rely on current words or promises.

Because eventually, we’ll see whether they were true or false.

Don’t distrust people.

Don’t expect too much from them either.

Loving someone means…

Not distrusting them.

Not expecting too much.

Trusting purely.

Pureness.

Innocence.

First comes recognizing that.

Next comes nurturing it, keeping it clean from dirt and dust.

Witnessing pure souls getting hurt and changing taught me this lesson.

Maybe it’s the most important one.

Embracing everyone means accepting darkness, filth, chaos too.

Let’s pray.

Oh great deity,

Grant me the grace to never hate anyone.

And give me the strength to endure wounds inflicted by others.

…If you fail to grant that, don’t blame others—blame you!

Because you claimed omnipotence, didn’t you!

…If you weren’t, we could discuss it in person later.

…

……

The child grew up facing many trials.

Made friends, led them, caused trouble, pretended to act grown-up, boasted intelligence to earn applause…

Received worries and encouragement alike.

Gained inspiration and trust.

The future seemed bright.

No, it *was* bright. When did I start believing my story would be written in history books like some grand tale?

While other kids struggled reading properly…

I felt increasingly uneasy, wondering if Heaven bestowed power onto me for a specific purpose.

And then…

That day arrived.

No one pushed me.

It was my decision.

I traveled abroad in Ellie’s stead.

Initially driven by purpose, staying became burdensome for them.

I fought desperately to survive.

Made allies, tested enemies, manipulated situations, handed foes their own poison daggers and cups, forcing them to drink and stab themselves.

Some people shouldn’t be loved.

That’s what I learned then.

The world wasn’t straightforward.

What was certain was that things didn’t go according to my plans.

“What is the heart?”

Many got entangled, but you were truly unique.

Aceletra Endryg.

Ashett Endragon.

Eventually, we decided it was too cumbersome and shortened it to…

Aiseus Endragon.

Because of your insistence on living selfishly, ignoring emotions and hearts altogether…

I realized I didn’t truly understand human hearts either.

I don’t understand human hearts.

What I thought I knew…

…if I must emphasize, might resemble honey flowing from flowers.

Or perhaps venom from snakes.

Still, one thing’s for sure.

Had no one understood you…

Perhaps only I could fill that void.

There might be others out there, not just one, but who guarantees meeting them?

Thus, I cherish many, but you… more than affection, you concern me personally.

Still, as long as fate ties us together, things will work out somehow.

If heaven isn’t indifferent, that is.

Met plenty of friends and elders.

Accidentally made enemies too, I guess.

Which made my heart race even more.

Fear, anxiety, terror existed because…

Opposing emotions, fruits, and rewards tasted sweeter thanks to them.

But.

All built upon joy and sorrow, rising and falling until collapsing.

Just theater.

This must be tragedy.

Historically, these kinds of plays gained popularity and left deep impressions, right?

Maybe even gods enjoyed them?

The World Tree revealed it.

My reason for existing.

The meaning of my birth.

For a while, I lost all sense of reality.

Everything crumbled.

But then I realized…

Since it collapsed…

Why not rebuild anew?

Suddenly, curiosity struck.

“Isn’t this an opportunity?”

Don’t scold me for not finishing homework.

From now on, I won’t lean on you anymore.

Only moving forward relying solely on myself.

Thank you so much…

for everything.

In return for giving me life, I’ll repay you in ways far greater and more splendid than you planned.

I don’t hate you.

Just a little sad that things had to be this way.

But on the bright side…

Being able to love even someone like you means…

…I’ve grown stronger, hasn’t it?

Stronger than you anticipated… just a bit?

====

“This is…?”

The pure white girl withdrew her hand, staring disbelievingly at the boy before her whose bright eyes had opened.

“How’s that? More convincing than empty talk, right?”

It wasn’t arrogance or pride.

The boy standing before her simply…

“Really…?”

Wanted to genuinely, innocently love everyone, shield them from malice, and save them all.

To achieve that, he feigned strength, cunning, and confidence.

Hoping the results would carry profound significance for everyone.

Wishing to serve as both sweet medicine and bitter pills for all.

“When you rely on gods, problems arise and people inevitably blame the deity.”

That’s why…

“I choose not to trust him.”

Because everything ending solely on me was best.

“It’s not a lie.”

I am…

“Looking at you right now. Only you.”

Cruel yet indifferent.

Overflowing beyond comprehension.

A pure confession.

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