Chapter 59

“I never said it had to be perfect, but at least try not to embarrass yourself in front of others! That’s all I ever asked!”

But this wasn’t what I wanted to say…

Somewhere along the line, whenever I saw Carriel’s face, these words just kept spilling out.

And even as I said them, I knew I shouldn’t…

Yet somehow, every word laced with regret or disappointment came pouring out like bitterness itself.

Even after speaking, knowing I shouldn’t have,

…because if I handled things clumsily here, the kid might end up warped.

Since I decided against coddling him,

Hermine had no choice but to swallow her own bitter feelings.

I didn’t want to say this stuff, you know, kid.

But don’t I have to raise you right?

Even me—I’m uncomfortable saying all this.

Why can’t you understand that?

You’re capable enough when you put your mind to it.

So why won’t you listen?

Why do you keep brushing everything off, ignoring it, and turning away?

“Stop already.”

“What?”

But today was different.

Though his gaze remained lowered, there was none of the usual blind acceptance; something felt off.

A low tone, a voice crackling with suppressed anger.

His head tilted upward, revealing twisted eyes and a piercing glare.

Caught off guard by this hostile attitude, Hermine repeated, speechless for once:

“What… did you just say? To me…?”

“That’s enough already! How long am I supposed to listen to this nagging?! I’ve tried hard enough! I’m doing my best! Have you ever once bothered to acknowledge me properly? Every time something goes wrong, it’s automatically my fault! Nobody else ever messes up—just me?!?”

“You, you…”

“Shut up!”

Stunned by this outburst, Hermine could only gape, unable to continue.

About then…

Had her heightened emotions finally settled somewhat?

Breathing heavily, Carriel stared at Hermine, who opened and closed her mouth repeatedly like a fish out of water.

And then he delivered his final verdict:

“Thank you for everything until now, Lady Hermine. Starting today, I will leave the Brendiar household, change my surname, and sever ties. Luckily, I still have old merits granting me the title of Baron Ruelde, so I’ll manage fine on my own.”

So…

“Let’s never see each other again. You’ve been emotionally drained because of me, so consider this my way of relieving you of that burden.”

With that, without even bothering with basic etiquette, Carriel turned to leave the living room.

But Hermine stopped him.

“What are you doing?”

“Why… Why are you still making excuses? I simply wanted you to become someone respectable, someone no one would shame. All I ever wished for was…”

“Are you still going to justify yourself?”

At that moment, Hermine clenched her eyes shut.

Already darkened by despair, tears began streaming from her eyes.

“You’re right. Everything you said is true. I’m sorry. It’s all my fault. When we made mistakes, it affected you. And when you slipped, they criticized you too, trying to tear you down. I wanted to protect you from becoming their prey. But somehow, my concern turned into criticism and blame. Those lectures meant to support you… They weren’t supposed to hurt you like this…”

“…”

“I’m sorry. I’ll never treat you like this again. I was wrong about everything. So please… Don’t say you’re leaving. Don’t tell me you’re not my son… From now on, I’ll give praise. I’ll encourage you, and when others criticize you, I’ll stand by your side and protect you…”

So please, please…

“Don’t leave me. Don’t say you’re leaving us… Please…”

“…”

Still, despite seeming slightly shaken, Carriel shook off her hand.

“Kal?!”

“Time will show whether you truly mean it or not. My departure is already set. I’ll step aside quietly to avoid causing trouble, but handle the rumors yourself.”

“Kal! How dare you?!?”

“Did you believe me when I asked you to trust me before?”

Me…

“Because of you, I carried sins I didn’t commit and bowed my head for crimes I didn’t do. And when it all turned out to be misunderstandings and malicious accusations, what did you say?”

“…”

“To move on gracefully since everyone apologized? When exactly did anyone apologize? A quick nod at some banquet doesn’t count as sincere remorse, does it? That apology wasn’t even directed at me—it was for your sake, so you wouldn’t lose face. You buried it because you didn’t want to give me an excuse to retaliate, right?”

“Kal…”

“It seems things were broken long ago. Maybe I’m just useless, but now I’ve resolved myself fully.”

Call me Kal no more.

Once I change my name, make sure you address me properly. Until then, call me Baron Ruelde if you must.”

“Kal! Listen to your mother properly!”

“You listen to me! Call me Baron Ruelde! Say it clearly!”

Seething, Carriel let loose his rage.

For a while afterward, he controlled his breathing, suppressing his turbulent emotions before finally leaving the room.

“…”

She collapsed where she stood, sitting motionlessly for what felt like hours.

…

……

In a secluded cabin deep in the mountains, far from any city or village,

Hermine eventually tracked down Carriel after extensive searching.

Despite being ignored, she continued visiting his cabin daily.

“Have you eaten properly?”

The door remained closed.

“I thought maybe I could help clean up around here.”

Again, the door stayed shut.

“I brought some food since your place looked empty…”

Still, the door didn’t budge.

Even the next day, the supplies she left outside remained untouched.

She prayed endlessly and reflected deeply.

When Ruelde offered to accompany her, she firmly refused.

This was ultimately her sin.

Her karmic debt.

Whether she intended it or not, this was the fruit of her actions.

Thus, this was her burden alone to bear.

How much time passed? Weeks?

“I’m so sorry… Mother should’ve known better… I’m truly, deeply sorry…”

The door opened.

“…”

Both appeared worse for wear compared to before.

“Please, come in.”

How difficult must those words have been?

Sinking to her knees, staring at herself, Hermine couldn’t bring herself to reach out.

Watching Carriel tremble as he looked at her…

“…”

Grateful to the gods silently, and thanking Carriel inwardly for allowing this moment,

she still couldn’t bring herself to speak aloud.

Only tears flowed freely.

Though cramped, the space was livable.

The tea served was embarrassingly weak, yet she clung to the wooden cup with gratitude.

“I’ll never mistreat you again. No more nagging, no more criticism or gossip.”

“That sounds awfully suspicious if anyone hears it.”

“Am I not allowed to point out mistakes anymore? I never told you to stop criticizing errors, did I? Do you still not understand what went wrong?”

“No! I get it! I’ve thought about it endlessly! Just… the words… I don’t know how to express them clearly…”

“How did someone so eloquent become like this?”

Carriel looked genuinely troubled.

“I’m sorry… From now on, I’ll respect you. Yes, that’s what was most needed here.”

“…”

It wasn’t about pointing fingers at errors or scolding him.

Could he lecture her? Had he ever indulged in such childish tantrums himself?

“I’m human too, you know. Even plants need water and sunlight to survive. Did you think I could endure forever?”

“…Sorry…”

“…”

They sat silently together for a long while.

Though lengthy, this moment felt precious to Hermine.

…

……

Skipping out on the academy for half a year,

naturally, Carriel found himself repeating a grade and falling further behind in rankings.

“Sorry…”

“No. It must’ve been tough adjusting… I know you’re putting in effort.”

Hermine’s demeanor had changed drastically compared to before.

“Lately, I’ve seen you studying late into the night. Hardly eating too. This is your growing phase; you shouldn’t neglect yourself like that.”

“If it’s too much, just say so. If you really hate it, you don’t have to attend the academy anymore.”

Carriel stared intently at Hermine.

Then, as though shedding an immense weight he’d carried for so long,

he relaxed visibly and said softly:

“Thank you.”

“No, it was something I should’ve done all along.”

Placing her hand gently on his shoulder, Hermine smiled calmly.

Yes.

It should’ve been like this.

This was how it should’ve been.

Tears streamed down her cheeks.

====

“Woman. Did you have a good dream or something?”

“…”

Opening her eyes, Hermine recognized the familiar surroundings of her own room.

Nearby, seated casually on a chair beside her bed, sat an elf with silver hair streaked with age.

His verdant eyes held a somber expression.

“Lady Geoffrey…”

“It’s been hard seeing your husband’s face lately. Since you’ve been recovering after childbirth, we figured it’d be best to wait until you stabilized before visiting.”

Secretly, he was upset.

She chuckled wryly and asked:

“So, what kind of dream did you have?”

“…”

Hermine couldn’t find the words.

Recalling it only made tears pour endlessly.

Though details were hazy,

toward the end, she remembered standing shoulder-to-shoulder with that child…

Still unaware.

Everyone had kept quiet out of concern for her.

Thus, she hadn’t fully grasped how tangled—or broken—things had become.

Yet she sensed it.

Perhaps…

The scene from her dream…

Was something she’d never experience again—a dreamlike vision forbidden to her now.

Maybe that’s why…

Her tears wouldn’t stop flowing.

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