Chapter 34

This is it.

It’s not a matter of resisting or accepting.

The snow-white wall of flames was, truly, as stubborn as the world’s own walls.

However, is it merely stubborn?

The searing heat engulfing my whole body.

The pain caused by it was indescribably terrible.

‘Just this much!’

But there was no way I could give in to just this much.

Not to something as trivial as this!

Let alone being dragged around by the oppressor’s whims.

There was absolutely no way I could tolerate that.

Ellie.

I fully understood what she thought of me.

But accepting that? That’s an entirely different story.

I.

Will never accept her oppression.

Would I really submit so readily to such tyranny?

…….

………….

“That’s enough. Cease now.”

Resistance was futile.

My will was as pitiful as a candle in a storm.

If that thing were human,

Could the world really be this unfair?

Cruel.

Barbaric.

…But.

“Accept it. This is your fate.”

From now on.

“Your fate belongs solely to me.”

My heart dies, my will plummets.

Determination shatters, hope collapses.

Like a soulless doll.

As if I’ve always been like this.

I returned to Rutania with her.

But.

This didn’t mean I would reunite with my parents.

She knew me far too well.

Deep within the imperial palace.

In some unknown place, a room without windows.

There, I wait only for her arrival.

“If it’s too hard, don’t think about it.”

Isn’t it just pain?

She gave orders.

Asked about my intentions and tried to soothe me,

But everything went according to her plans.

Perhaps, though, this was the best outcome for me.

“…Why did it end up like this? This wasn’t… what I wanted.”

Sylas, whom I hadn’t seen in ages, was in bad shape.

But I didn’t care.

Thinking about it made my head hurt.

I decided not to think about it anymore.

After all, I’m already dead.

Close my heart. Lock it away.

Only to open it when she arrives.

Close my heart.

She loves me.

She cherishes me.

If I were to try to strangle her neck,

She’d smile and accept the consequences.

That’s who she is.

She’s my savior.

My redeemer.

I have no more hope, nothing else.

Nothing matters except the moments I spend with her.

…It’s utterly useless.

“Annoying.”

An unknown voice keeps scratching at my eardrums.

My chest feels tight, and sometimes I can’t breathe,

But it’s fine.

I’ll take the potion she gave me.

Don’t think about it.

Thinking only brings pain and exhaustion.

If I just act spoiled, I’ll get everything I want, everything I desire.

I pluck the lyre strings.

Even without relying on the potion, this is enough.

“You look much brighter.”

Is it because I’ve stopped depending on unnecessary things?

Our relationship has become smoother than before.

No, even before, it was truly warm and affectionate… There’s no need to say anything more—it was an ideal relationship.

“Are you really okay with that?”

Sylas asked.

He was the only one who regularly visited, cleaned this vast space, and then left.

Besides Ellie, only Sylas visited here.

I prefer being alone.

That’s what I wanted.

It wasn’t something she desired for me to choose this way.

It’s the truth.

I always long for her.

Only when we’re together, only when we become one,

Do we become complete.

Like the sun and moon, when we’re apart, it’s unbearably lonely, sorrowful, and painful.

Don’t think about it.

I keep plucking the lyre strings.

Endlessly.

Endlessly.

Until I forget myself.

All along, I spread the sound.

-You’re completely lost.

……?

A voice came from somewhere.

-This shouldn’t happen.

I don’t know.

Something felt important, but I don’t understand.

Don’t try to recall it.

It’s exhausting.

I was exhausted enough.

I didn’t want to endure any longer.

Even breathing was difficult.

Every time I opened my eyes, I hated that today had come, feared it, and found it painful.

I was always afraid of falling asleep.

Because tomorrow would come.

That’s why I struggled so much not to sleep,

Which made it even more painful.

Words don’t reach me properly.

Why can’t you understand what I’m saying?

Snap out of it!

Are you joking?

Why do you live like this?

Aren’t you ashamed to show your face to your parents?

How long will you continue living like this?

No matter what, I had no escape.

Pray.

Pray.

Being locked in a room and praying all the time seemed peaceful now.

But staying cooped up in a small room and praying was better anyway.

Without sleeping, unable to eat, training, studying, running errands everywhere,

Getting scolded, humiliated, despised, bullied, mocked, compared, criticized, lectured, scorned, insulted, slandered, defamed, jeered at…

I didn’t want to open my eyes.

I wanted to block my ears.

Rather, I wish I couldn’t hear.

I wish I couldn’t see.

If only I couldn’t feel anything.

I wouldn’t have been in pain.

The air itself feels like needles piercing my lungs, making me fearful.

Maybe the world holds malice toward me.

I wasn’t born to be blessed.

I wasn’t born to be loved.

…I was born to be cursed.

Wasn’t I born for that?

“It’s fine.”

Because I’m here.

Because I’m here.

Isn’t it enough as long as I’m here?

“…That’s right.”

If you’re here.

If you’re here, it’s enough.

“I wish time would stop forever. You are truly more beautiful every time I see you. My own El. Carriel. Sword.”

Even if the whole world harbors ill will toward me.

Only in this world, there’s still her…

Don’t ●me.

● Forget●●.

Only ●is watching over you.

So please ●too.

I also want to be like ●.

●Please.

Will you ●?

Come ●to me quickly.

●has always ●●●● been waiting for you.

“…….”

Day by day.

Strange voices in my head grew louder.

Hallucinations?

Or maybe ghosts?

-What a sight. Nothing’s changed in months? At this point, we should probably admit you’re insane.

Anyway.

-What about our contract? You weren’t the type to forget responsibility like this.

…I can’t hear it.

-Are you autistic or something? It’s maddening. Not understanding what I’m saying isn’t a big deal, but seeing this toy break like this makes me feel terrible.

…..

-Shouldn’t I have been the one to break you? But hey, you were the kind of kid who looked good even when you didn’t break. The world has its limits, even if it tries too hard.

What are you lamenting about?

Even though it sounds distant, like it’s coming from another world.

-Or, does this world really lack dreams and hopes? How can the son of a hero who saved the world end up like this? What kind of karmic structure leads to this? Other kids seem fine, yet…

…I don’t know.

I’m sleepy, so I just closed my eyes.

I hated falling asleep so much.

I was so afraid to close my eyes.

Lately, I close them without hesitation.

When you wake up, not thinking is actually hard.

But when you fall asleep, it’s fine.

You can forget everything.

Even the intention to forget.

In an instant.

…..

……….

-Lately, I’ve been keeping an eye on your younger brother, and he’s quite impressive.

…..

-They say he’s gifted by heaven, perfect in personality, humble despite being highly praised, and compassionate. Wow, both Lou and Hermine have nothing to criticize and even seek his advice. Can you believe that?

How’s that for a comparison with you?

“…….”

-Still no reaction? Even after stimulating your trauma, nothing. And you’re not even drugged.

“…….”

Clomp.

Clomp.

“Ahhh.”

I can hear it.

Footsteps.

-Huh? So you react to that? If you had a tail, you’d probably wag it like a pet seeing its owner, huh?

“…….”

-Whatever. I’ll stop lurking around. I don’t know if you can’t see me or if you’re deliberately ignoring me.

Anyway, don’t forget.

-Our contract will hold onto your neck even after you die. No letting go.

Why am I so obsessed with contracts in hell and the demon realm?

-Try realizing that after you hit rock bottom. For now, focus on your breathing exercises while you’re still alive. The princess—soon to be empress—well, enjoy your time rolling around with her.

Even if it’s fleeting.

-Wait. Is this right?

Screech—

For the first time in ages.

The metallic friction sound reached my ears.

I’ve never heard it until now.

Unconsciously, I looked up into the air.

No, not there.

The ceiling.

No, not even the ceiling.

Deeper.

The deep depths.

-Eh? Seriously? Is that what it is?

Yeah.

Much deeper down.

Someone.

Is watching.

――Right at me.

A giant finger points this way.

Soon.

Pop.

The world shattered cleanly.

Like.

Gently poking a droplet and bursting it.

―

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