Chapter 23

Posted by Kuze, ? Views, Released on February 6, 2025

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As evening fell, who knows where she got them from, but Hyungkesushni arrived carrying various undergarments. Of course, they were mostly familiar types of underwear. I mean, how many rays of light have I licked since coming to this world? Not like I wouldn’t recognize them, right?

So, I tried on a few pieces that Hyungkesushni brought over. Unfortunately, most didn’t fit me properly. After trying a couple on, my chest felt too constricted. Hyungkesushni glanced down at her own chest, let out a small sigh, then approached me and touched the white dress I was wearing.

After feeling it a bit, she used her fingernail to gently unravel some threads before setting it aside and asking me:

“Can’t you make clothes like the ones you’re already wearing?”

Ah, that’s right! There was a way!

The outfit I’m currently in—I made it myself, after all.

I put down the underwear and shoved myself into… well, myself. A crack appeared on my skin, revealing a dark void within. Purple-black mist began to seep out. Normally, I avoid messing with this spot carelessly, but not today.

I extended my index finger to probe inside, but it wouldn’t go all the way in. Instead, I could feel flesh resisting it. Clearly, it wasn’t actually split open.

And yet, here’s Hyungkesushni fleeing as soon as the mist starts flowing—don’t you think that’s a bit much?

Joanna watches silently from the side.

Trying to focus, I attempted to create clothing. But instead of forming garments, the mist just floated lazily in the air.

Am I doing it wrong?

I grabbed the underwear again. How did I put these on earlier? Pulling from memory, I focused hard—not on the physical objects themselves, but something deeper.

Look beyond what’s obvious.

How exactly *did* I wear this?

It’s like it should naturally exist here, so why am I trying to create it?

Yeah…

Now I’m wearing appropriately sized underwear, with extra pairs still in my hands.

I’ve figured it out—it’s not about creating new things. It’s not about conjuring items from the mist. Rather, it’s about making things seem normal in this world.

So, shall we try something else?

There’s an object long gone from my hands, though it shouldn’t be lost. I declared: “My phone is in my hand.”

Crack.

Dark fissures spread across my palm like shattered glass.

“What are you doing?!”

Hyungkesushni shouted from afar. The purple-blue light around her was being sucked into her embrace, forming a transparent barrier around her.

She even has a protective shield, huh?

While that’s impressive, I’m more disappointed that I can’t hold a phone in my hand. If only…

Crack.

Nope, I can merely imagine holding one.

The harder I try, the bigger the cracks grow on the empty space above my hand. It feels like it’s buckling under immense pressure. At this rate, it might shatter like a rock-hammered windowpane.

What a shame.

If I can’t have it, I’ll erase it.

Slowly, the spreading black lines stitching back together until everything disappeared. My hands remain empty.

Maybe complex objects don’t work. Or maybe things nonexistent in this world simply won’t manifest. Either way, reckless attempts seem unwise. Despite appearances, this area feels dangerously fragile now.

Am I really that heavy?

The cold ocean certainly weighs a lot—it’s an endless sea beneath an infinite night sky dotted with stars. Though perhaps there’s more I just can’t perceive.

Several possibilities arise.

But its heaviness is undeniable.

I’ll ponder this when I return to the sea later. For now, I gestured toward Hyungkesushni, still encased in her translucent barrier, watching me anxiously.

“It’s done. Complex stuff doesn’t work, Hyungkesushni.”

“If you were gonna do something like that, you should’ve warned us first.”

With that, Hyungkesushni dissolved her shield, leaving behind wisps of indigo mist. Whether it’s residual magic or lingering caution, I can’t tell.

Her intentions remain unclear, but her expressions reveal enough. Smirking mischievously, she approached me—still wary yet drawn closer.

Then she pointed at my body.

“You should put some proper clothes on. Are you planning to stay in your underwear?”

I shook my head and switched into comfy pajamas—Rebecca Rolfe’s favorite choice for relaxation.

“Ahh…”

A groan of disappointment came from nearby. Turning, I saw Joanna eyeing my outfit wistfully.

Why’s she reacting like that?

At that moment, Hyungkesushni chuckled mockingly. Meeting both our gazes, she spoke directly to Joanna.

“Joanna, if you start thinking of Rebecca as your child or something, you’ll regret it later.”

Child? I examined Joanna’s expression—though concerned, no maternal affection showed.

“I don’t view Miss Rebecca that way, Hyungkesushni-sama.”

See? Even Joanna says so.

Hyungkesushni stared intently at Joanna.

“Well, fair enough. Just a word of caution, Joanna Smith. Remember, this isn’t human; it’s an outsider inhabiting a human vessel.”

Hyungkesushni speaks truthfully. I am inside a human body—but I’m no longer human.

Huh?

“Outsider?”

Me? On what basis?

Pointing at myself while looking at Hyungkesushni, she flinched slightly, caught red-handed in naming me.

Then averting her gaze, she explained:

“We needed a term to refer to you. Outsider means ‘a deity from beyond this world.’ That’s why we called you that.”

“So that’s why you call me an outsider? But I’m not a god.”

Yes, denial is necessary if heard. Because I truly am not divine. I neither know everything nor possess unlimited power.

I fall short in many ways as a god.

“Alright, if you say so. While we’re at it, does this outsider have a god?”

Hyungkesushni addressed not Rebecca Rolfe, but me—the entity within. Do I have a god? Once, yes—I practiced a mainstream religion back when I was human.

Not the zealous kind like those here, but still, I believed.

But not anymore.

That belief faded away amidst silent screams, dissolving into the dark, frigid sea.

Thus, my answer is clear.

“No.”

I firmly stated there was none.

“Well then, if you lack a god, calling you an outsider poses no issue.”

Eh? Why is that?

“I’m not a god.”

“But without gods, aren’t you akin to one? Not by your perception, but ours.”

So, does that mean all atheists are gods?

The question lingered on my lips, but I swallowed it down. Wisdom calls for restraint in speech.

At least for now.

But ‘outsider’…

I understand the meaning.

This isn’t about the mad deity from some fake mythology I know. The vibe leans more towards alien. Though I’m no British immigrant in New York, the comparison fits.

Alien means foreigner, after all.

Makes sense. While the term stings due to its implied rejection, it’s true—I come from outside.

“Or is there a reason you reject being called a god?”

At that, I hesitated.

Why do I feel compelled to argue?

Still…

Don’t quite…

Understand yet.

Right. No reason then.

“No.”

“Then we’ll call you that—nameless outsider.”

Guess that’s how it goes.

Better than Cruxshibal, anyway.