Chapter 195

“I didn’t realize the courage it takes to hold someone’s hand was this immense.”

But oddly enough, once I actually held her hand, a wave of courage surged up from deep within me.

Wasn’t it Ria who always promised to stand by my side? I wasn’t alone here either.

I wondered how I ended up like this for a moment.

If I hadn’t done any of the things I did, if I had just accepted my fate, would Ria still be by my side?

Was there even a moment when Ria went this far for me?

…I made a lot of mistakes. I acted unreasonably. But as I looked around, it all ultimately came down to my own actions.

So, all the events that unfolded in between, everything that happened until I ended up with Ria, were tightly interlocked without a single gap.

It was something nobody could have predicted. Not me, and probably not Ria when we first met. Even the existence above probably never guessed we would become beings who would go this far for each other.

Thinking this way eased my heart a bit.

What was the reason we were sitting here? To be punished? Maybe. The Church might punish me and strip me of my position. They could even kick me out.

Just last year, I had a vague fear about it. I boldly proclaimed I would leave because I didn’t believe in God, but I also knew there would be mountains of problems I’d have to deal with on my own.

It’s such a comfort when someone provides you three meals a day, a place to sleep, and clothes to wear. Perhaps that’s why I engaged in the contradictory and pathetic act of momentarily suspending my disbelief while denying God.

Right now—

Right now, it was okay.

Because I knew Ria would be by my side, no matter what happened.

“Sister Anna.”

The Pope’s voice calling me sounded just like last time. This time, it wasn’t in Korean either, but I still felt no problem in listening and responding.

“Yes, Your Holiness.”

“I heard that you… engaged in inappropriate behavior in front of the Cardinal last time.”

But somehow, the Pope’s words sounded a bit amusing to me. It wasn’t just my feelings. The Pope seemed not to care much about that act.

And for some reason, I thought, that’s probably natural for a Pope.

“Don’t worry too much. There hasn’t been a formal accusation. Ironically, it’s a situation where the one who violated the rules can’t be reported out of sheer fright.”

“I wouldn’t have any power to report anyone…”

“Is that so? Do you really think that way?”

The Pope chuckled gently as he spoke.

“You communicate with those who don’t understand you using an unlearned language, confront foes with magic power so fierce that hardly anyone can endure it, and yet you claim that someone opposing you wouldn’t have the power to harm?”

But even as he spoke, the Pope’s smile suggested he already knew what I would say next.

“Saint Power isn’t my own power. It’s a gift from the being of a higher existence I’m certain exists. It’s a power that cannot harm others.”

“But many will move at your word. Perhaps even to the extent of creating another sect, separate from the existing Church.”

I grimaced at that.

You know I don’t want anything like that.

The Pope laughed at my words.

“So, to sum up your points, you’re saying you don’t really have any intention of changing the Church.”

“That’s correct.”

“Then could you please explain the reason behind your actions at that moment?”

“That’s…”

I turned to look at Ria.

What kind of answer should I give?

What we did back then was a kind of act. It was Ria’s performance to keep me from ascending to the position of Saint.

So, giving a definitive answer about that situation might seem like taking advantage of it.

But Ria just smiled at me.

And her lips moved slightly.

Though No sound came out and only I could barely recognize that minute movement, I understood exactly what Ria wanted to say.

So… ‘Method’ it was.

I almost burst into laughter.

Ria had set it all up for me. Right now, all she wanted was to save me. No matter what doubts others might have about us, or what misunderstandings her father sitting right in front of us might harbor, Ria didn’t care.

Steeling my resolve, I looked the Pope in the eye.

“There’s only one reason.”

And I said, “Because I love her.”

The room buzzed with murmurs. The clergy following the Pope looked extremely flustered, whispering among themselves. Our church’s priest cast a worried glance at the Pope, while the Sister Warden held her forehead in shock.

Yet through it all, the Pope remained serene, as though he had expected this answer.

“Is that so.”

The Pope softly smiled and replied.

You know that it’s forbidden for a nun to engage in indecent acts with another nun in the convent, right?”

“Yes, of course.”

“And you also know that doing such things in the chapel looks especially bad in the eyes of others.”

“I’m aware.”

“The position of Saint—there aren’t any specific rules for that, but many believe it should be pure in the eyes of the public.”

“And that’s precisely why I did it there.”

I spoke calmly.

If I ascend to being a Saint—if I rise to that height, then I wouldn’t be able to stand next to Ria.

Ria’s grip tightened on my hand. I drew strength from that grip.

“I do love Ria. I know it goes against the Church’s rules, and that these feelings shouldn’t exist for a nun. I also understand it’s a hugely insufficient reason for ascending to the position of Saint.”

I came down to protect the world. That much was clear. I needed to become an important symbolic presence in the Church and gather all the people from this world in one place.

But, regrettably.

I guess I’m someone who can’t just look at ideology and principles like that.

I glanced aside at Ria’s father’s expression. While I couldn’t say it was anything particularly good, it wasn’t exceptionally bad either. More like he was troubled, wearing a strange expression.

“……”

The Pope opened his mouth thoughtfully for a moment.

“Then, may I ask you just one thing?”

And he spoke with just a hint of playfulness in his tone.

“Romance can change easily. It could be a burning flame one moment and cool off the next, or it could feel like it will last forever, but during a long relationship, various problems arise. But the position of Saint is one you might only have one chance at.”

The Pope chuckled. It was as if he already had a clue about my answer.

“Still, does that mean you’re willing to give up your position as Saint for that relationship?”

I turned back to look at Ria.

Something about Ria seemed a little anxious compared to before.

And seeing her face made me want to smile.

She looked worried that I’d reject her after confessing. Talk about method acting.

With a smile still on my face, I spoke directly to the Pope.

“Even if someday we separate, this love at this moment only happens once.”

That’s right. That’s how it is.

Some people think there will be ‘another chance.’ But in reality, every opportunity is singular. The person living in the moment exists only in this moment.

To talk about reconnecting in the far future essentially means referring to the future ‘me’ and not who I am right now.

Even if I were to part from Ria and seek new love, that wouldn’t be the same as the love I have now.

Right now, I wanted to be with Ria.

“Is that so.”

The Pope replied with a nod, eyes closed, as if he had just heard a satisfactory answer.

“I’ve heard enough. Now, we need to have a moment for our private discussion, so would you two mind waiting separately for a bit?”

I nodded to the Pope and stood up.

We still held hands tightly until we walked out of the chapel.

“…You love me?”

As we stepped outside, Ria whispered playfully.

Something about her playful attitude made me annoyed since I was being serious—

…