Chapter 183

In my previous life, I was someone who didn’t believe in spirits or souls, and even after being reborn in this world, I never really thought deeply about the existence of souls.

As an atheist, I only believed in what I could see in front of me or what had been experimentally proven. Even if there were a few things that seemed unreal by my standards, it wasn’t a big deal.

However, even with that being said, there was an undeniable yearning for what comes after. I was also a person who feared death and thus wished that there was something beyond it—hoping that even when the people around me passed away, we could meet again someday.

So, I decided to believe that Saint Power was close to the essence of the soul.

I had seen enough to convince me—there was definitely a presence looking down on me from above, and I had too many people around me that I didn’t want to lose.

“————!”

The sound of the demons was unbearable. It was a painful cry flowing from deep within. The sound of suffering writhing in agony.

The idea of a soul suffering is, in fact, a strange concept. Pain is just a warning system chosen by living beings for survival. It recognizes threats to survival as quickly as possible because the source of pain poses a danger, a system designed in an unpleasant way.

There shouldn’t be a reason for a soul to suffer.

Saint Power spread out. The Saint Power flowing from my body settled on the ground like artificial mist created on stage.

The small creatures crawling toward us suffered, twisting their joints in pain.

I didn’t know what a soul truly was, but if it was indeed Saint Power, it shouldn’t be like this.

The insects, rats, and small birds quickly lost their strength and died. About half of their bodies melted away, but once dead, they no longer had to suffer.

But larger creatures were different. The dogs and cats thrashing about screamed and continuously dove at the Knight Order protecting me.

For them, the merciful thing was not Saint Power, but the blade.

*Swish.*

The blade shone in the light, slicing through the demons’ necks. The swords of the Knights were already well-honed, but thanks to my blessing, they now glimmered even brighter in response to my Saint Power.

The sound of corpses hitting the ground was not one I wished to hear.

“It’s blocked off,” Ria said.

Just as Ria said, the corridor just above us was obstructed. Given that it was an old apartment built ages ago, the barricade piled up there looked precariously unstable.

“Let’s at least go inside a house that’s open. We should be able to create a path through the balcony,” suggested one of the Knights as we entered the room—

What awaited us inside was a grotesquely twisted human, almost like a creature. Its body was being consumed by dark magic, making it debatable whether it could even be still called a human at this point—much like the cats and dogs that had charged at us.

“There’s no way to save them.”

Before I could say anything, Anna spoke from behind.

“All we can do is help them pass on with as little pain as possible.”

“……”

Caught off guard by that too calm voice, I fell silent.

The Knights raised their swords. Ria did the same. There was no hesitation in their eyes.

But still, something felt off to me.

Since last year, when I began to take on activities like this, I had constantly pondered the reason for my being in this world. Initially, I had no intention of thinking about it, but as time went by, I couldn’t help but reflect because each time I did something, there was a positive change for those around me.

This world would eventually get swept up in a major incident. Just like in a web novel, once something starts to invade in earnest, many people would die. There would certainly be times when a person would have to kill another.

Feeling that weighed down on me, perhaps I continued to act obstinately. The higher I went, the more responsibility I would have to shoulder. The more things I would have to take charge of, and in reality, some parts of the Church had such thoughts about why they chose a Saintess, very overtly.

Despite trying to run away, I ultimately came this far without making any definite decisions.

I used the power of a Saintess, casually going around with a protective entourage at my side, receiving special treatment from others, even doing things that were a bit ambivalent for the other nuns. Surely, if there was someone living the most freely within the convent, it would be me.

And yet, I was desperately trying to evade whatever responsibility I had.

“Anna, stay back—”

Just as Ria was about to tell me to retreat, she turned around, startled.

I took a step forward.

If it had been the Knights from just a moment ago, they wouldn’t have yielded the path for me, but now it felt like they sensed something. Something within my expression and movements. And from the light that flowed from my body.

Only Ria stuck by my side.

“Anna, what are you—”

I stretched one hand forward. My hand was directed toward the person consumed by magic.

In some ways, this might be considered forced. No matter how much I enhanced my abilities, I wouldn’t be able to fight better than Ria.

But still, this was also my responsibility.

If I had done well from the start. If I could have simply accepted everything as it was. If my wish upon meeting that existence right after my death hadn’t been to continue living as an atheist.

—No.

There was a voice that denied my thoughts.

—You can’t just forcibly take on the role of a Saint.

Even if that being above told me so, I still couldn’t fully accept that statement. I couldn’t shake off the feeling that it was my fault.

It was still just that I was lacking. Not enough to completely accept everything.

Blood flowed from my hand, and the light poured onto that person. Just as when I had purified the people who had died stuck to the wall earlier, that person’s magical power began to be cleansed.

However, just like the demons I had seen from below, they resisted that power, twisting their bodies.

Though the demonic forces might have held dominance over the body, the owner of that body must be human. They had to resist the Saint Power.

But before it could come toward me, it collapsed to the ground.

Confirming that the magic had completely vanished from that body, I sat down beside it.

The person whose vital parts had almost vanished, yet was still somehow alive. I wasn’t sure if it was due to the residual magic left in them.

Kneeling beside that person, who had fallen as if to lie on their side, I placed my hand atop their hand.

“Ah… ah…”

What kind of story did this person have? I had no idea. Were they truly someone who had cooperated with the demon race, or were they merely someone who still thought of themselves as ordinary in the name of religion?

……Or perhaps, this wasn’t even their will from the start. I couldn’t quite tell.

So then, it wasn’t my place to judge what this person had done wrong.

Was this also me shirking my responsibilities?

—No.

Once again, that voice echoed in my head.

—If someone needs to take responsibility, it should be the one who made contact with that person.

I closed my eyes.

Saying that I would fully judge this person’s life would be an irreproachable task.

However, it was easy to see that this person’s final moments were filled with immense suffering.

“Please, let them sleep peacefully, just for now.”

Soon, their breathing stopped.

I stood up from my spot.

Though I had vowed to live a rational and logical life, it seems I wasn’t meant to become that kind of being after all.

Just a common human scattered here and there. A human who simply got lucky enough to live another life.

Struggling in my own way.

Just a person who constantly thinks about the reason for my existence in this world.

I heard the murmurs from around me.

When I turned to Ria, she was looking at me with slightly parted lips.

“Let’s go.”

I said quietly.

Ria nodded and stood beside me.

We moved forward.

Just as we always had.