Chapter 172

“Should I be serious about this?”

I’m good with it.

How could I not be? I mean, I’m sleeping next to Ria.

Of course, that doesn’t mean I enjoyed being close to every girl. A few years ago, I might have thought that way, but not anymore.

I’ve developed feelings for someone.

Well, sure, if the person I’m close to is pretty and has a nice figure, I might feel a bit excited, but going beyond those physical feelings, I don’t want that. It feels… like a betrayal.

It’s not like I’m dating Ria. I think Ria probably doesn’t see me that way either.

But, how should I put this?

It’s a little embarrassing to admit, but don’t you think everyone fantasizes about being with someone they like at least once?

It’s pathetic, but that’s exactly what I was thinking.

So, this situation isn’t so bad. The fact that Ria is right next to me asleep makes it better.

…….

But at the same time, I felt guilty.

One of the main reasons my stay had been prolonged was Ria’s insistence.

I had gotten seriously injured and exhausted, and since it wasn’t just for a day, but stretched over several days, the church accepted that I needed time to rest. I wasn’t participating in the usual cleaning or worship preparations at all.

Meanwhile, Ria was still doing her part in the cleaning, making me feel even more uncomfortable while I rested.

I knew the reason. It was because I got hurt right in front of Ria. I was rushing into danger and screaming that I might die.

To Ria, I am an important person. Probably as a friend.

And for some reason, I liked that.

That was the source of my guilt.

So, it also meant that the one benefiting from this situation was only me.

“Hey, Ria?”

“Yeah?”

Ria, who had somehow pulled one hand from behind my back and dragged me closer, responded in a voice that sounded like she was half asleep.

That voice felt strangely sweet. I tried not to swallow too loudly and managed to speak.

“Do you think we might need an electric blanket or a heated mattress on the bed?”

“…….”

No response from Ria.

“Ria?”

“Mmm…….”

Without answering my question, Ria rolled over and faced me. I was startled by her breath brushing against my ear.

No, it’s not like I dislike this.

In fact, it’s even pleasant. But still, I felt some guilt about benefiting from this situation again.

Now, instead of just one hand pulling my waist, both of Ria’s hands were wrapped around me. Naturally, the grip was stronger.

Like hugging the long cushion I keep beside me to avoid holding on too tightly while sleeping, Ria slowly tightened her arms around me. It didn’t hurt at all; it just felt nice.

I felt Ria’s chest against my shoulder.

“Ria, are you sleeping?”

I asked cautiously.

No answer came to my whisper.

……What to do?

Honestly, this wasn’t the first time. Ria usually grabs my waist anyway. Maybe it’s because it’s easy to grab since it dips in, or maybe it’s just a habit from when she used to pull me along.

Even when we were almost half-naked, like in swimsuits, she would hug me for selfies.

It was nothing unusual for Ria to hug me while I was asleep after a fight. Well, that was primarily to maintain body temperature—if someone lost too much blood or was in danger, it made sense to use the biggest warm object available: herself. I appreciated it for several reasons.

……Or is that the reason?

Since I was badly hurt, maybe she was worried that I might die of hypothermia and that’s why she was acting this way?

I don’t really know. Ria’s actions in battle were very rational and logical, but outside, she could be quite emotional.

I didn’t dislike that about her.

In fact, I liked it.

“…….”

I’m in a bit deep myself.

All right.

So, let’s just try to get some sleep for now.

After waking up, I’ll talk to Ria again about getting some kind of heating device.

After all, if things continue this way, I might find it hard to endure, for various unfortunate reasons.

At least, it’s fortunate that she’s a girl. If she were a guy, it could be dangerous for several reasons…

…….

No, it’s probably because she’s a girl that it’s okay. What am I even saying? I’m ridiculous.

With my eyes closed, contemplating whether to sleep comfortably like this, I also felt a bit unfair.

If I were a guy, I might have boldly confessed by now. Whether it’s right or wrong, after all, isn’t it still a connection between a man and a woman? I shouldn’t be treated as strange for simply confessing.

But right now? In this situation, it could hardly be called a confession. No, it’s nice. It’s nice, but it still feels unfair.

Wanting to ease that sense of unfairness, I turned my body toward Ria.

This might take advantage of Ria’s kindness.

If it’s because I’m ‘a girl’ that I’m naturally getting close like this, then honestly, I have lots to say too.

If someone has crossed the line first, it was Ria, right? She crossed the boundary of the bed. Yeah, she wrapped her arms around me first and hasn’t let me go either.

Slowly, I stretched out my hand.

“Mmm…….”

As I tried to sneak between Ria’s waist and the bed, Ria made a sound that made me stop.

If Ria opens her eyes and sees me, what will she say? Would she suddenly complain about what I’m doing? I don’t think so. It feels like she wouldn’t mind. After all, we’ve hugged like this several times before.

Ah, it’s so unfair. It’s really unfair.

I clenched my teeth.

Ria always manages to fluster me, yet I can never fluster her. When she hugs me, I’m overwhelmed with emotions, but when I hug Ria, it’s just seen as a friendly gesture.

Every meaningful action I take gets drowned in the reasoning of just being friends.

…….

It’s not that I dislike it. If it’s because we’re friends, then I can also consider it a gain. If I were a guy, I would first need to get to the stage of ‘dating’ to attempt this.

Again, I slowly reached out. Ria’s waist felt softer than the smooth bed sheets. It was still just the feeling of clothes over skin, but still.

If I had a serious injury, I feel like I’d be the one hurting more.

Carefully, making sure I wouldn’t wake her, I slipped my arm around her waist.

Our bodies overlapped. My soft parts pressed against Ria’s soft parts, slowly melding together. If Maria had been awake, she might have felt my heart racing.

Ria continued to sleep.

“…….”

When I slightly opened my eyes, I caught sight of Ria’s lips in the darkness.

Despite her rather bold personality, this part of her looked so soft that I wished I could touch it.

No, not just with my hand…

I shut my eyes again.

No matter what, crossing that line would cause trouble. After that, I wouldn’t be able to control myself.

So, for now, just this level of intimacy feels right. Gently inching up to the verge of crossing the line. One that isn’t enough to make Ria hate me, just that exact distance.

The cowardly me, even today, hid my body beyond that line.

While feeling Anna snuggle into her embrace, Ria was lost in thought.

Anna was someone she needed to protect. And the meaning of ‘protecting’ implicitly meant ‘from all kinds of wounds.’

Even if it was implied, it didn’t mean it was meaningless.

If she simply said she would keep Anna safe, it could be considered a method of locking her away deep in a safe space. But that wouldn’t protect her heart.

…….

If Anna thought like most other girls, Ria would have been assured of Anna’s feelings by now. No friend would cling this tightly.

But Anna… unfortunately, didn’t have any proper friends. They either sang her praises mindlessly or hated her for no reason. To them, Anna was more of a symbol than a person.

And similar to the other nuns, the only people who treated Anna like a person were the old Sister Wardens and priests.

Thus, Ria couldn’t quite gauge the level of ‘affection’ Anna had for her.

Even if it was a kind of seduction, Ria had no idea how to go about it. How would a child with a child’s sexual notion accept a hug?

“…….”

For now, she could only be satisfied with their current relationship.

At least, Anna believed Ria was the person she trusted the most in the world.

At least, Anna hoped for Ria more than anyone else.

Ria was also the one Anna chose to snuggle with and the one she was willing to protect with her life.

So, there shouldn’t be a hopeless situation, Ria thought.

That’s what she wanted to believe.

“No, I have to think that way.”

She murmured, softly stroking Anna’s head, who was asleep in her arms.