Chapter 35

Chapter 4: Escape and Service

“So… you mean that apology thing is really hard to do, huh?”

“No, what’s the point of asking again when you’ve already figured it out and are just muttering to yourself?”

After I asked for the seventh time, Ria gave me an annoyed look and replied.

“I’m just double-checking. It’s way more objective to hear someone else’s opinion than to jump to conclusions alone, right?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Ria sighed deeply and seemed to give up.

“You’re right. There’s a huge difference between apologizing personally and doing it as a representative of an organization. A personal apology stays personal. If you can just buy the other person something nice or give them money so they feel satisfied, that would be the best way to go about it.”

If it ventured into the realm of crime, then the law would get tangled up, which is a separate issue, but that’s not the case here. It’s all manageable within the authority of the Cardinal.

So, even if the Cardinal misjudged something, as long as it doesn’t cause me significant trouble, it’s enough to just call me privately, apologize adequately, and reinstate me.

But the Cardinal insisted on calling me out and making me stand there while bowing his head.

And, this situation isn’t without consequences.

The incident where I sent a letter to the Cardinal, while it didn’t cause a massive uproar in society, was certainly known to those involved or interested in the matter.

Once something happens “officially” in the church, it’s practically impossible to cover it up. Just like how the government has to announce any changes in policy or personnel, the “official authority change” between a person who is a “Saintess candidate” and a “Cardinal” has to be made public.

“So, what you’re saying is that the Cardinal made a public apology to return my rights to me?”

“Well, I think that’s a bit different.”

Ria tilted her head and said,

“The reason for the public proclamation was to warn against taking away rights like ‘don’t do this,’ and giving them back is a separate issue, right?”

She offered an analysis that slightly veered off from my assumption.

“What do you mean by that?”

“When a Saintess candidate says something audacious, it was taken away as a warning. So, of course, the church would have to openly acknowledge it. In a way, it’s a challenge to authority, and thus even a Saintess candidate can face such measures.”

“…So what?”

“But, in reality, you weren’t completely stripped of your status, were you? They just removed the ‘benefit’ part. To be honest, I bet most people who heard about it thought it was just talk.”

“Just talk?”

“Why, it happens all the time. When someone higher up messes up, another higher-up just gives them a light slap on the wrist. They end up reinstating them later on.”

“…….”

“If that wasn’t the case, they’d just say they crushed you with authority during a theological debate. You’ve continued using your Holy Power and saving people even after that. You didn’t say anything weird in front of them.”

“Nearly everyone I spent time with in the church has heard my story…”

“And how many of those people have reverted? And whether they talked about it or not, they can’t deny your Holy Power.”

“So….”

I was aghast at some vaguely visible answer in my head.

“So, the Cardinal is risking a bad reputation while taking those actions?”

“Well, he probably had no choice, right? If a Saintess candidate goes around saying there’s no god, the social repercussions would be massive. So, it would be better for the church if he’s seen as having pressed down on you with authority after losing in a debate.”

“…….”

“And he’s also making room for the bright future of a Saintess candidate. Really, if you had gone through an Inquisition, all the service you’ve been doing until now would have been impossible.”

“No, no, no, wait.”

I waved my hands frantically.

“I almost faced an Inquisition! The priest and Sister Warden prevented it, you know?”

“So ultimately, the one who didn’t send the inquisitor was the Cardinal, right?”

“Uh….”

“Ha.”

Ria shook her head as if saying, “Oh well.”

“You seem to have grown up too naively to understand anything, but there are political moments in the world when you absolutely have to express anger. Even if you’re not personally angry, or if you’re just confused, or you’ve calmed down, there are situations where you can’t back off without a reason.”

“…….”

“This happens frequently among Hunters, and sometimes even at home, you know?”

“……Yikes.”

I groaned and held my head.

So, if Ria’s words are ‘correct,’ it means that the Cardinal has been politically protecting my position from the start.

Of course, he might have genuinely been angry, but there’s a huge difference between being genuinely angry and just giving a light sanction while effectively leaving everything as is.

Well, even though the Inquisition Administrator had the demeanor of a weary bureaucrat, whether you underwent an investigation or not would significantly limit your actions within the church. After all, you’d be considered a ‘heretic.’

Moreover, the fact that he bowed his head on my behalf until the very end indicates—

“Make sure to treat him well next time you meet. I mean, when I saw you greet him, you were so friendly, it was like greeting your grandpa.”

At that, I leaped into my bed and rolled around with my head in my hands.

I might have to change my blanket soon.

*

So, when the Cardinal stripped away my rights and then returned them, he did it all ‘publicly.’

It felt like he crushed me with power and then, having lost logically this time, retreated.

“This is unfair.”

“Hey, stop whining and just eat your food.”

As soon as I opened my mouth, Ria responded as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Of course, I ignored her response and said what I had to say. I had never said anything nonsensical until now.

“I keep claiming I have no god, so why does everyone keep lifting me up?”

“If you don’t know, what can I say?”

Anna answered as if she found it absurd.

Then she grabbed a piece of bread, slathered it with strawberry jam, and piled mashed potatoes on top while continuing to speak.

“When a critically injured person comes in, you stop what you’re doing and rush to help them, and even when there’s a big monster right in front of you, you run straight toward it to save people. Even that ‘conviction’ you boast about can be tossed out the window if someone is suffering, so I have no words for people who don’t appreciate that.”

“Are you saying that while someone is dying, you just stick to your guns? That’s not my power, you know?”

“Oh my, now you’re even throwing in humility.”

Ria shrugged as if teasing me and stuffed a sandwich she made into my mouth.

I glared at Ria while chewing on that mashed potato sandwich.

“No matter how you put it, that’s how it looks to people, right? So why not just accept it? I mean, you’re not a real Saintess yet anyway, right? There are people over there staring at you.”

“…….”

While chewing on the sandwich, I turned my gaze.

There sat the devil’s advocate, Choi Soo-bin.

From what I’ve heard, the role of the devil’s advocate isn’t usually to chase after a Saintess candidate.

Just as this denomination inherited many rules from previous religions, they also took notes on how to appoint people as Saintess or Saints.

It seems they usually verify these things in paperwork. They look over the person’s life and check if there are reasons for them to be disqualified as a Saintess.

In my case, since I haven’t lived outside the church yet, there aren’t many disqualifying factors to speak of.

For some reason, my declared atheism doesn’t seem to be too contradictory to church logic. Even though I dye my hair or wear a belt below my chest, it hasn’t been taken as particularly immoral.

The church and the nuns living in it are practically in their prime.

Since they’re essentially taking on tasks that should be done in the secular world, it wouldn’t be right to clamp down too hard and oppress people unnecessarily.

…Though I might be the most actively embellishing it.

Anyway, I have no ‘paperwork’ per se.

So, to verify me, they have to see me in person.

Of course, I was seated slightly separately from the nuns. That did make me feel a bit like an outcast—

But, the other side didn’t seem to care much, occasionally sending me glances while enjoying their meals.

Maybe they’re just used to it.

It’s sadly relatable.

After I finished one side of my sandwich and opened my mouth, a folded sandwich came right back in.

Ugh, come on.

Does she think I’m a person who gets conditioned by this?

Ria, while making her own sandwich without a hint of a change in expression, kept piling food into my mouth.

I looked at her with a disapproving gaze, but I made sure to finish the second sandwich as well.

*

Even as a Saintess candidate, I still have to do my part.

While I have various rights, those rights mostly exist to prove that I am a ‘Saintess.’

I plan to think of ways to use those benefits for my personal gain later, but for now, I think I’ll just keep quiet.

You know what? If you get stuck in quicksand, you shouldn’t move recklessly. First, you should calmly assess whether there’s anything to grab around.

Oddly enough, the more I move, the more I feel like I’m sinking in the wrong direction; for now, I need to find something to grab onto first.

Until then, I should just stay stationary, at least until my ankles—

Suddenly, without thinking, I walked ahead and opened the chapel doors, and instantly, I caught the attention of a multitude of eyes.

For some reason, there were way more people attending worship than usual.

Even though it’s the first day of the week.

“….”

I quietly closed the chapel door again.

“Huff.”

After taking a small breath, I thought.

Well, I might better use that right sooner than later.